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Fascinating Studdy of Sex amongst Sexless females.....

Toodamnpragmatic

By Toodamnpragmatic
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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This was in the September 22nd Toronto Star...

 

A newly published study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine reports that women who are suffering from sexual dysfunction benefit from the placebo effect.

Taking a placebo instead of a female version of Viagra is enough to increase the sex drive of women, says Cindy Meston, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Texas and the author of Why Women Have Sex. (There are 237 reasons, Meston says, and only one of them has to do with love.)

The study was conducted by Meston and Andrea Bradford, a 2009 graduate of the University of Texas at Austin and a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Family and Community Medicine at Baylor College of Medicine.

In reviewing the data, they found that communication about sex can have a positive effect on many women with low libidos.

Meston reviewed a study of 200 women who were diagnosed with sexual arousal disorder. The study was done by a pharmaceutical company that was testing a female version of Viagra.

Fifty women, ages 35 to 55, were randomly assigned to receive a placebo, while the other 150 received the drug.

The women, who all met the clinical criteria for low sex drive and arousal problems, were followed for 12 weeks. According to Meston, one-third of the 50 women receiving the placebo got better and their sex lives improved significantly.

“Most of the significant gains were seen after four weeks – and the gains were maintained for the whole time of the study,” she said in an interview with the Star. “These women said their sex lives significantly improved and they were satisfied.

“The findings from our study show how a woman's expectations to improve sexually can have a substantial positive effect on her sexual well-being without any actual drug treatment,” Meston says.

The big question is: Why?

“We don’t have the answers,” admits Meston, but she can draw some tentative conclusions from the data.

A big part of the placebo effect has to do with expectations, she says.

“Expecting to get better and trying to find a solution to a sexual problem by participating in a study seems to make couples feel closer, communicate more and even act differently towards each other during sexual encounters.”

These are couples in which the women had a very low interest in sex for many years. In such cases, there is usually also an overall decrease in intimacy between the man and woman.

That translates into no sex, but it also means that something as simple as handholding is avoided for fear of it signalling a desire for sex, Meston says.

Pressure on the couple mounts, communication drops, and there is a lot of blame and an implied threat that the person with the higher sex drive will have an affair or leave.

But if you’re a woman taking part in a study to improve your sex drive, you’re communicating with your partner about sex.

“When you take part in studies, you are told by the investigator as part of the study (that) you have to agree to have sex a couple of times a week. It’s brilliant in a sense. They’re told to have sex. . . Now all of a sudden they’re having sex. No one has to be scared about rejection. The guy’s happy. He’s getting sex. He treats the woman better and she’s happy.”

There’s some evidence that the anticipation of sex, and having sex, also boosts testosterone levels, Meston said. And a percentage of women who have a low sex drive also have low testosterone levels.

“The whole placebo effect is just fascinating. It’s the best treatment.”

The study also “speaks to the benefits of going to a sex therapist.”

Meston’s advice to women suffering from sexual dysfunction: “Even in difficult cases where women have had problems for a long time there are solutions to be had. We can hope in the future there will be some sort of drug developed that is really effective. But don’t give up hope . . . This study showed that if there is an impetus of change, just intimacy can be hugely effective.”

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A tender moment for this couple.

SHUTTERSTOCK ILLUSTRATION

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I found interesting is that they found 200 women in sexless marraiges willing to do something.....;):laugh::p But note that there was no distinction (at least in the article) between those in sexless marriages and those with arousal problems, which seems to be a much refrain from what each and every "sexless" male says on this forum (all the spouses have no arousal problems).....

 

Also highlighted that they were asked to have sex 2X/wk, which is a huge jump from sexless, and with the pressure off (i.e. they are having sex), the men were happy, thus treating their spouses better and she too was happier.... Boy, what a concept......:laugh::p;)

 

What I want to know was the results of those taking the actual results....

 

So really at the end of the day as a stoopid male, what I took out of the article is that more sex (i.e. regular sex) and everyone is happier..... Oh yea and it is enjoyable too....

 

What a concept.....

 

 

 

 

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LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

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Results of the non-placebo group would be useful because what happened in the placebo group seems pretty obvious to me.

 

For a lot of women (can't speak for your wife TDP) the more sex you have, the more sex you want.

 

So if these sexless couples were instructed to have sex twice a week, that breaks the 'no sex' habit, the woman realises she actually quite enjoys regular sex, she sees the 'benefits', hubby gets what he wants and hey ho, everybody's happy. :laugh:

 

A bit simplistic perhaps but that's presumably how it worked and it's hardly rocket science. Like most of these 'scientific' studies it only confirms what we already know. It doesn't take into account hormonal imbalances or any other dysfunction in these relationships of course.

 

Maybe the answer to sexless, or low sex, marriages is to make sex 'compulsory' - twice a week for the next 6 months, after food and with a large glass of water (wine?) - doctor's orders! :D

 

Come back in 6 months and let me know how it's going.

 

Worth a try?

 

The alternative is testosterone injections! ;):laugh::p

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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from every single male on this site complaining about the lack of sex in their marriage, while having a good marriage and relationship in all other facets. Everyone says sex is good when they have it.

 

Little Tiger I posted a long time ago my informal study of my friends, married and those now with girlfriends (divorced from first wives)...... The married all had much, much less sex..... I found it funny and sad at the same time (of course young kids too affect sex).

 

I'd bet too almost every male who laments this, could not get their wives to participate in this type of study once over the age of 45...... Their wives would roll their eyes at their husbands and tell them to stop thinking about sex all the time like some teenager.....:laugh::p;)

 

Ughhhh... Can't believe I misspelled Study in the OP.....

You Go Girl Established Member

You Go Girl

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Proves what we already know about women, that sexless husband's should heed.

Sex is mental for a woman. Even for those with a healthy libido, it's still mental!

We can tune in, or tune out, both to H's and the feeling of desire overall.

 

The women thought they were getting the real pill, so they thought they were going to be hornier--and they were.

The sex was compulsory, so they didn't have to go through the romancing stages, but! The men knew they were going to get the sex, so they were nice (and for some of those H's nice could be usually rare) to their wives, creating a warm loving rapport.

 

Too many variables here!

Now what if the H's had no idea that their wives were going to take the pill, placebo or not? The reaction of the H's was a huge variable here! It can't be ignored!

If the H's didn't know about the test, then we would have some valid information on the women and their reactions.

The real interesting information would be a follow up after the study. How many would still be having sex twice a week in six months, or a year? :p

Better sex life, or, back to status quo?

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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As a man, I will tell you, when we get more sex and the offer of even more, trust me we are happier and treat our spouses much better..... Sorry that is a no brainer....:cool::p;)

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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As a man, I will tell you, when we get more sex and the offer of even more, trust me we are happier and treat our spouses much better..... Sorry that is a no brainer....:cool::p;)

 

The question is, is the better treatment good enough to sustain her ongoing interest.

 

Can't get away from the chicken and egg argument. If she was treated well when having plenty of sex at one point, ,why did her interest stop in the first place?

 

I do think some women get tripped up during the childbearing years. There are some forced breaks from sex, and it can take a flat-out decision "I am going to get back on the horse" to get interested again. But it is complicated, because the childbearing years are a huge test of the relationship on many fronts--and if resentments are high, she may simply choose not to get back on the horse.

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

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As a man, I will tell you, when we get more sex and the offer of even more, trust me we are happier and treat our spouses much better..... Sorry that is a no brainer....:cool::p;)

 

 

So whats the deal then for example, with a man who loses interest in his wife emotionally, doesn't treat her well, so therefore she loses interest in him sexually? Let's say in some cases (and they do exist) where its not the woman who shuts down sexually first, but the man who shuts down emotionally or otherwise. Oh I bet I know, if thats the case, the man automatically assumes she is a cold frigid b*tch who is witholding and doesn't love or care for his needs while he never stops to think maybe he has something to do with why that might be. :D

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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So whats the deal then for example, with a man who loses interest in his wife emotionally, doesn't treat her well, so therefore she loses interest in him sexually? Let's say in some cases (and they do exist) where its not the woman who shuts down sexually first, but the man who shuts down emotionally or otherwise. Oh I bet I know, if thats the case, the man automatically assumes she is a cold frigid b*tch who is witholding and doesn't love or care for his needs while he never stops to think maybe he has something to do with why that might be. :D

 

and twist it all again..... We are talking relationships where there are no other issues.... We have had endless posts from males claiming they do everything and then some and get none though their spouses like sex.....;):p:laugh:Let's take them at their word..... As I do the females who say they just are not interested anymore....

EnigmasMuse Established Member

EnigmasMuse

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and twist it all again..... We are talking relationships where there are no other issues.... We have had endless posts from males claiming they do everything and then some and get none though their spouses like sex.....;):p:laugh:Let's take them at their word..... As I do the females who say they just are not interested anymore....

 

 

I didn't twist anything..I asked a question..sorry if it was one you didn't care for..the fact is..I have seen alot of men say they are in sexless marriages on here and blame the wife right off the bat. There is actually some truth to what I had said, that SOMETIMES there is more to it than a medical issue or a woman being frigid..there are reasons for things...I didn't knock your post..I'm simply saying there are other reasons too...YES SOME men do everything for their wives and still don't get any..I get that...

blair08 Established Member

blair08

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"If she was treated well when having plenty of sex at one point, ,why did her interest stop in the first place?"

 

Bingo! Could be anything. That's why its good to always try to find out what may or may not be going on or lacking. I highly doubt people wake up and say, "Gee I don't think I want to have sex with my spouse anymore." :)

 

Also, if by chance a spouse does have a role in why their spouse doesn't or might not want to have sex with them anymore, then I'm sure thats hard for them to come to terms with. No one wants to feel they have turned their spouse off from sex because they did or didn't do something.

Edited by blair08
giotto Established Member

giotto

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My answer is: in a good number of women, the sex drive diminishes with age... they still like sex, but not that often (for example, both my wife's sisters are, or were - one is divorced because of husband's affair! - virtually in a sexless marriage). And also priorities in the marriage change (read "children"). There are obviously many women who don't suffer from that (see xxoo and LittleTiger... :D), but I'm convinced that there are far more women of a certain age with a low sex drive than with a high/normal sex drive. And then there are the cases where the wife is not satisfied emotionally and has a low sex drive or has a high sex drive but still doesn't have sex with her husband because emotionally unfullfilled... and shuts down... but this is a different story...

Edited by giotto
OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

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I'd bet too almost every male who laments this, could not get their wives to participate in this type of study once over the age of 45...... Their wives would roll their eyes at their husbands and tell them to stop thinking about sex all the time like some teenager.....:laugh::p;)

 

Ughhhh... Can't believe I misspelled Study in the OP.....

 

It was probably subliminal - "STUD-dy". You're thinking like a teenager again. :D

 

Seriously - it just seems to me the real issue is that your W's are discounting and dismissing the importance of sex to you. That's the real "crime" in this scenario, in my mind. They're telling you it doesn't matter [to the health of the marriage] when it actually does, very much so.

 

How to fix that? I have no clue.

Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

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Yes, sex for a woman is very mental, so I agree, just doing it is a way to derive pleasure from it.

 

During the child-bearing, raising years, I likened it to the feelings I had about daily exericise: You have to drag yourself to the gym, but were always glad you went!

 

The inverse of the viagra pill for women studies is that, even given the pill, not the placebo, many woman were aroused BUT STILL NOT WANTING TO HAVE SEX with their partners!

 

Yep, yep. We as a species are very complicated.:rolleyes:

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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My answer is: in a good number of women, the sex drive diminishes with age... they still like sex, but not that often (for example, both my wife's sisters are, or were - one is divorced because of husband's affair! - virtually in a sexless marriage). And also priorities in the marriage change (read "children"). There are obviously many women who don't suffer from that (see xxoo and LittleTiger... :D), but I'm convinced that there are far more women of a certain age with a low sex drive than with a high/normal sex drive. And then there are the cases where the wife is not satisfied emotionally and has a low sex drive or has a high sex drive but still doesn't have sex with her husband because emotionally unfullfilled... and shuts down... but this is a different story...

 

Yes there is that thing called children....:laugh: I highlighted where I agree with you, but also note from what we read on here, is that most spouses do not seem too bothered by it and basically look at us husbands as little more then horny teenagers who should get over it....

 

It's their enjoyment when sex does happen that perplexes me along with the findings of the study where everyone was HAPPY in the end....

 

I'm still amazed they were able to find 200 women willing to participate.....:p

giotto Established Member

giotto

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It's their enjoyment when sex does happen that perplexes me along with the findings of the study where everyone was HAPPY in the end....

 

yes, but it still requires quite a lot of effort... I equate it to cooking a nice but complex meal... it's quite challenging and involves lots of ingredients, but the result is utterly delicious... shame it only lasts about 5 minutes... :D and would I repeat it often? Not really... :rolleyes:

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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yes, but it still requires quite a lot of effort... I equate it to cooking a nice but complex meal... it's quite challenging and involves lots of ingredients, but the result is utterly delicious... shame it only lasts about 5 minutes... :D and would I repeat it often? Not really... :rolleyes:

 

Sorry are we back to saying the woman has to "get in the mood" and be prepared for sex? Or are we talking all the work the man has to do to get there?

 

I cook 4-6 X's/wk.... Maybe I should just microwave???

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

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and twist it all again..... We are talking relationships where there are no other issues.... We have had endless posts from males claiming they do everything and then some and get none though their spouses like sex.....;):p:laugh:Let's take them at their word..... As I do the females who say they just are not interested anymore....

 

On second thought, maybe you are discounting your W's opinions the same way that you discount other females' opinions on this forum? And so she's getting back at you by discounting your need for sex - "Hit 'em where it hurts" kind of thing?

 

You men say you understand the emotional connection to sex for women, but I don't think you really do.

 

I suspect there ARE other issues in the marriage, issues that you refuse to acknowledge.

giotto Established Member

giotto

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Sorry are we back to saying the woman has to "get in the mood" and be prepared for sex? Or are we talking all the work the man has to do to get there?

 

I cook 4-6 X's/wk.... Maybe I should just microwave???

 

I always cook... but the nice meals don't get me any sex... :) When I'm out, maybe for a drink in the pub, and women get to know that I always cook, they just want to marry me straightaway... not because of my looks... :)

 

I was talking about my wife, really, not in general. I believe it's a real effort for her, whatever that is, and she is only prepared to repeat it once in a while, despite the pleasure she derives from it. Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that she regards my meals or the chocolate she eats more pleasurable than a close encounter of the 3rd degree with me! But then, when I'll get fed-up with it, I'll just need to walk down the pub and pick one of the many appreciative women... :)

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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Sorry are we back to saying the woman has to "get in the mood" and be prepared for sex? Or are we talking all the work the man has to do to get there?

 

I cook 4-6 X's/wk.... Maybe I should just microwave???

 

The former. The work women do to push themselves out of the "mommy mode", to push past the awkwardness of infrequent sexual touch (much less awkward when it happens regularly), to push past the feelings of resentment (for some women), so that they can get in the mood.

 

You cook because you feel hungry regularly; your body wants food, so you cook (keep in mind that, while cooking is equal work for men and women, women usually put more work into getting in the mood than men). Women who refuse sex don't get hungry enough to go through all that work.

JackJack Established Member

JackJack

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Wow sounds like those of you that do "everything" and still there is no sex or lack there of, makes you really wonder why that is. After all, I would think those who do everything and then some would really be getting it. However, I really think there is a deeper issue going on for why they still are not. Only the spouse not giving it would know I suppose. So perhaps either they have NOT told you why, or they have and you keep missing the point. I bet its already been explained on the boards here WHY, but it probably went ignored.

giotto Established Member

giotto

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Wow sounds like those of you that do "everything" and still there is no sex or lack there of, makes you really wonder why that is. After all, I would think those who do everything and then some would really be getting it. However, I really think there is a deeper issue going on for why they still are not. Only the spouse not giving it would know I suppose. So perhaps either they have NOT told you why, or they have and you keep missing the point. I bet its already been explained on the boards here WHY, but it probably went ignored.

 

Personally, I do know why, but I think TDP doesn't, although he was talking more about the general issue than his personal situation and about women who are in a happy marriage (like TDP is) and want little sex despite the good outcome... :D

JackJack Established Member

JackJack

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Personally, I do know why, but I think TDP doesn't, although he was talking more about the general issue than his personal situation and about women who are in a happy marriage (like TDP is) and want little sex despite the good outcome... :D

 

I understand, and yes I do think some people know why and some do not. I'm sure that can be frustrating. I'm glad TDP is in a happy relationship, however, that may make it that much more frustrating though to not be getting what he feels he should if he is doing everything he feels he can.

You Go Girl Established Member

You Go Girl

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After my child was born I didn't want much sex for quite awhile. Mostly because I felt that it was time for my body to be MINE again. It had been invaded, I had welcomed the invader, but now that the invader was out of me, MY BODY WAS MINE AGAIN!

Men don't understand this, and I can see why. How could they? Think about it. Just pretend you are constipated for 9 months, and then finally you get relief. The last thing you would want at that point is something shoved up your butt.

Similar, not exact! Trying to get you guys to understand.

And yes, then there's mommy mode, a big one. She's focusing on the family life, and there's nothing sexy about raising kids. It's all sober stuff, although very rewarding. House, kids, shopping, cleaning, cooking, and none of it promotes sexual arousal. The woman is off doing her mommy and household things. She makes new connections with other moms, gets into playgroups, etc. Spends all her time thinking about what school, what preschool, what groups, what she should expose her children to. All these things to take care of, chauffering them around, packing their lunches, remembering that permission slip. It takes up a lot of her thinking, and again, none of it is sexy.

Meanwhile, there's a good chance that her body isn't telling her to get pregnant in a hurry, unlike before her first child. So more than likely her libido is down from before ever being pregnant.

But men are relentless, and insatiable. Your bodies don't say--hey, I've successfully bred two or whatever number of children, I can slow it down for a bit. Nope...your bodies don't even recognize that you have successfully bred. Well ours do. Men need to consciously recognize that they have successfully bred. Your body isn't going to do it for you.

 

There will never be a true balance here. Our bodies are telling us different things. Men need to recognize this. Do women? I suppose so...they too need to recognize that your bodies don't slow down desire. What's the compromise? Each couple to their own.

On another note--I know a man that doesn't like to "share" his body on a regular basis. He likes infrequent sex, is married with 4 kids. He doesn't like his wife harping and begging and moaning about his lack of sex. He on the other hand, says, it's my body, and I only like to share it so often, not every week. Go figure. There are men out there like that too.

 

Now I'm in my late 40's and prefer my increased libido to those pre-35 years old days when I could have cared less if I only 'got some' every 3 months. I was in mommy mode. Guess what, I was a darn good one too.

Priorities!

Stick it out guys, your time is coming. :bunny:

giotto Established Member

giotto

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House, kids, shopping, cleaning, cooking [...] spends all her time thinking about what school, what preschool, what groups, what she should expose her children to [...] chauffering them around, packing their lunches, remembering that permission slip.

 

I always thought I was a woman... :)

 

Now I'm in my late 40's and prefer my increased libido to those pre-35 years old days when I could have cared less if I only 'got some' every 3 months. I was in mommy mode. Guess what, I was a darn good one too.

Priorities!

Stick it out guys, your time is coming. :bunny:

 

Can you please tell my wife? :D

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Toodamnpragmatic Established Member

Toodamnpragmatic

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There is a blogger/website where the person lists their "Freebie 5"... This is the 5 people your spouse/so will allow you to spend a night with.... For women it may be Brad Pitt, Robert Downie, Johnie Depp, George Clooney.....

 

Look my wife has plenty of demons & issues like Giotto's and others.... The point is I asked her about her "Freebie 5"..... She said right now, not a single one would get her in the mood or interest her in that.....

 

As for the study, she was surprised too they found 200 women ready to take part....

 

I guess that is some cold comfort.....:p

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