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Told my new love interest of my previous "bunny boiling" ways - have I lost him too?

aussiegirl66

By aussiegirl66
in The Other Man / Woman

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Thank you.

I take your point. :)

shadowplay Established Member

shadowplay

Posted
Posted

Why would you sabotage a relationship like this? :(

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted
I don't know if you have lost him or not, but I can say that in his shoes I'd probably disappear and work on some preemptive damage control in case you decided to get vindictive on me as well.

 

That sort of thing tends to scare people who are married and want an affair but not a divorce.

 

good points.

 

so .... did he respond?

 

are you married?

 

is he married?

WithOrWithoutYou Established Member

WithOrWithoutYou

Posted
Posted

LOL, I guess "boiled his bunny" must be an Aussie expression for "screwed him over".

 

I feel better now that I figured that out from context. I thought for a second you actually killed some guy's poor little pet rabbit! :p

 

Sometimes relationships work out, sometimes they don't. Hurting those you love, or who you have loved in the past, is never a good idea. Live life treating others how you would want others to treat you, and you will find that life is simpler, better, and happier in the long run (and no, I'm not the first one to ever say something like that). :)

 

Being honest is good, as long as you didn't intend for him to receive it as some sort of threat. If so, that is really not good.

KarmasTestDummy Established Member

KarmasTestDummy

Posted
Posted
LOL, I guess "boiled his bunny" must be an Aussie expression for "screwed him over".

 

I feel better now that I figured that out from context. I thought for a second you actually killed some guy's poor little pet rabbit! :p

 

Sometimes relationships work out, sometimes they don't. Hurting those you love, or who you have loved in the past, is never a good idea. Live life treating others how you would want others to treat you, and you will find that life is simpler, better, and happier in the long run (and no, I'm not the first one to ever say something like that). :)

 

Being honest is good, as long as you didn't intend for him to receive it as some sort of threat. If so, that is really not good.

 

Lmbo...I think it's a reference to the Glenn Close movie, Fatal Attraction. She was the OW, didn't want things to end...went in his home and boiled his pet rabbit and left it for them to come home to. Been a long time, watched it long before I ever had an OW perspective, but I'm pretty sure that's how it played out.

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aussiegirl66 Established Member

aussiegirl66

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Why would you sabotage a relationship like this? :(

 

Well, I didn't want to sabotage it - he said he didn't think for an instant that I would use the information he has told me about himself against him and then because I care for him, I told him the truth...so here goes the latest..

 

I told my current online OM about my bunny boiling way with a previous guy in mid-2007, he didn't want the detail as he said he was already nervous, and I assured him that I cared about him and wouldn't do the same to him, but I went ahead anyway and told current guy quite a bit in an email and then further in another email about why I got so upset with this former guy and why I felt I had to tell his wife about him being on a sex site and how this previous guy got freaked out when I told him that I would make him suffer and hurt the way he made me suffer - well that was a threat the previous guy took seriously and I won't say more about that as it all recorded here what happened in my threads last year.

 

I explained how this previous guy was on a sex site while he told me his wife was pregnant and unwell and not coping with their other child and that also is partly why I got upset at this guy, he rejected me by ignoring my emails and sms's (text messages), we only met on a date once (no sex) and I could not accept it and kept emailing and sms'ing him a few more times after that - I waited many months to hear from him and just lost it in February 2008 when I had another bipolar episode and that is when I told his wife and possibly ruined his marriage. I explained how I was very remorseful and that I tried to apologise to this guy, but that it was all in vain.

 

However, I said to this current guy in my email yesterday, feeling very tired and emotionally exhausted that I really needed a friend and sorry that I was dumping on him after he hadn't a chance to reply to my previous email. I could have really pushed this current guy's buttons, he may not condone cheating while a wife is pregnant and I wouldn't know. I know nothing of why this guy's former extra-marital relationships ended but he knows quite a bit about why two of mine ended. But the worst thing is that he didn't ask me for the details and then I went and confessed I had a severe mental illness (I said I have 3, possibly a fourth) but that my worst is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and that I don't want to hurt my husband anymore and perhaps he was right when he suggested that I should leave him and start afresh as a single (as I don't have kids and this current guy does and also he really loves his wife), then I said I don't think I can have an affair anymore and that I don't really know what to do.

 

So I not only freaked him out with

1) the details he didn't want to know

2) my mental illness revelations and

3) sounding very confused about wanting an affair.

I did warn him about the email and I ended it on a lighthearted joking note, but I don't think that will make up for what would have been an extremely difficult read.

 

I am afraid it is the last I heard from him as he usually replies to my emails within a day lately and he hasn't with these last two. I am really hurting and sad.

Edited by aussiegirl66
typo
Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

OK...perhaps this is a positive thing in disguise?

 

You've scared off online OM with this info...I can understand that, and can see why that would make you feel horrible.

 

Perhaps this is an opportunity to change things at home then, with your H instead?

 

Have you considered what it would take to fix (or if not possible, end) THAT relationship instead of focusing on these various affair relationships?

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
Posted

Owl asks some excellent questions, and I'd like to follow up with one of my own: given the fact that, yes, you've likely scared this guy off, what are you going to do now? Are you going to continue to try to contact him? And if so for how long?

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Have I done the wrong thing by being too honest? Is he now gonna be damn scared that when he calls it off with me I will retaliate?

 

Does your honesty hold him hostage in any way? Limit his freedom to choose? He made a choice to seek intimacy outside his marriage, presumably without the consent of his spouse. Your revelations of your *past* don't change that dynamic. It sounds like you regret your past choices and I assume you communicated that to him, along with your motivation to choose differently in the future. Is that an accurate assessment?

 

Perhaps this episode of disclosure/honesty will teach you more about such dynamics. If it does, that's a positive thing, irrespective of the outcome.

 

He'll make a choice which is healthy for him and which you have no control over. If you feel healthy about your honest discourse/disclosure, then that is your path. Accept it. He has his own path, which may or may not parallel yours. Good luck :)

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