blizzard Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 It's been 4months of NC...almost 5 really. Tomorrow marks the day that xMM and I finally met face to face after not seeing one another in nearly 20years. I wonder if he recalls this day as clearly as I do...if he even thinks about it. Before dday...we did. We always said we would share it with our grandkids. I want to contact him so badly to just share the moment...the memories. To laugh about the nervous energy and the stupid things we said and did...approaching one another like we were nervous teenagers being set up on a date. How he watched me when I talked or laughed like he couldn't believe his eyes... 20years! The hug that seemed to last forever because that's all we were "allowed" to do... It just sucks. His decision sucks. What he did to me sucks. But I still want to break contact so badly...
pureinheart Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 It's been 4months of NC...almost 5 really. Tomorrow marks the day that xMM and I finally met face to face after not seeing one another in nearly 20years. I wonder if he recalls this day as clearly as I do...if he even thinks about it. Before dday...we did. We always said we would share it with our grandkids. I want to contact him so badly to just share the moment...the memories. To laugh about the nervous energy and the stupid things we said and did...approaching one another like we were nervous teenagers being set up on a date. How he watched me when I talked or laughed like he couldn't believe his eyes... 20years! The hug that seemed to last forever because that's all we were "allowed" to do... ^ ^ PAST It just sucks. His decision sucks. What he did to me sucks. ^ ^ PRESENT But I still want to break contact so badly... Don't do it
desertIslandCactus Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Don't do it ------------------- Don't do it - is right. Remember the 'sucks' part. Any time someone rejects you - the relationship should be left in the past.
TigerCub Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I understand your hurt Blizzard. But contacting him now isn't going to change the crappy decision he's made. It will just set you back, and you'll have to eventually start NC again. Instead go for the record! You're almost at 5 months NC! That's fantastic. Don't throw away all that progress just to get a moment of happiness and then be crushed by all the feelings of missing him, regret, etc. (I know that those feelings are still there, but they get a life of their own once we contact them/see them/ do anything with them again). Stay strong! **HUGS**
siuys Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 You've done so well. Don't throw your effort away. You deserve someone who cares and loves you. Don't walk into this trap again. Look at your life on a macro level, and know that he is just one tiny little chapter, and move on to bigger and better things (and people). All the best.
Author blizzard Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 (((Thank you ))) So far so good...Your posts gave me strength today. Much needed strength. My husband (stbx ugh some day) and I had the biggest fight ...which amplified wanting xMM back again. He was my shoulder. My rock. And made me feel bigger than life when stbx belittled me. xMM always wanted me happy. He hated the way my husband neglected me and talked to me. But today I needed to hear how beautiful I am, and that I am the best mom in the world...I needed an "I love you"...I love you for being you...You're mine...and you belong right here with me. Today I needed all of that. And a hug.
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