EthanH Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Hi, I have posted before on here. I just want to hear from girls who have been in the same situation as my ex. Please only whose who have been in her position reply to my post. I just want to get more of an idea how she is feeling. My ex broke up with me in Feb. We got back a few times, each for no more than a few days until in May-July 1st we were back together. For that time, I never asked for anything from her, when she saw me, it was when she wanted. And whenever we met, it was always ok for me. Everything was fine, she admitted to friends that she really had missed me but had fought that feeling since we split as she felt it was a weak thing to do to get back with me, even if it was what she genuinely wanted. This is the main thing I'm confused I'm about, and something I want to ask advice on. She is all about pride and behaving like a 'lad'... she admits when we dated that she was needy. She looks now and sees any show of emotion as a weakness. She has become quite a feminist, and sees caring about me as some kind of signal that she is weak. When we dated, whenever she needed me, I was there, and because of that, to feel strong, she needs to be sure she doesn't need me. It hurts because if I could live the last few years again, I would do the same, as when she needed me I was there. And it's crazy to think that anything else would make me a better boyfriend. The problem is, I wonder if she will ever be able to be with me again without feeling weak. People who know us say it isn't about how much she likes me, indeed she still does like me a lot, she misses me, she doesn't want to be with anyone else, but she is all about being independent, concentrating on her studies (she is at uni and her third year is crucial), she is very social although in the time we got back together, she told me thats she had used socialising as a way to get over me, and it hadn't worked, it just made her miss me more, she more she tried to replace me with drinking, dancing, friends etc etc, the more she missed me... her way is to put a brave face on, to laugh more to be even more bubbly, to front up, and yet she told me that doing that 24/7 just made her feel worse... And this is the problem, I would accept this all, I want her to be happy, I really do care about her, but I still believe she likes me, I have said this all along, everyone has told me I'm wrong, including her, and yet at the same time, she admitted I was right when we got back together. It's this which makes this all very difficult to accept. I know she still likes me, but is scared that getting back with me will 1) show weakness in her 2) stop her from enjoying the same social life she is enjoying now (she admitted to me before that she knows if we are back, it will be her who will become needy and will choose not to socialise as much)... I totally don't agree with this... I believe that we have both grown up massively, we both want the same things now, but I have no idea how to allow her to see that, as trying to convince her just makes me look needy and convinces her that she was right all along about me...
luvlyglee Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 When you're young and you think that you're so in love sometimes you lose yourself. I think your ex realized that she needs more than just a relationship with you...she might feel she needs to step out on her own. I don't think you need to worry. She obviously still has feelings for you, she just needs some time to figure out who she is and accomplish her goals. It's nice to feel needed and do things for someone you care about. On your ex's end, it pretty damn good to of had a boyfriend who was always available to meet her needs. But from my experience it get boring when there's just the two of you. So instead of worrying about her feelings, why don't you just try to live your life while she tries to figure things out.
Author EthanH Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 thanks for your reply... any other opinions?
amagordos Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 She doesn't like you enough. I think her feelings of pride are stronger than her feelings of love. No matter how proud a girl is, she will cave when it comes to someone she really cares about. I know because it's happened to me and my cousin, who is the most proud person ever. I say what the other person said, to just live your life and see if she comes around. Don't dwell on her so much. In fact, I think if you show her you still care, but that you don't depend on her to be completely happy, she might realize that she should get over her proudness and go back with you. I know what it is like to want a guy and not want to show too much eagerness, because it might scare him away. That could also be her problem, if that is the case, show her that nothing she does will scare you away.
Author EthanH Posted September 29, 2010 Author Posted September 29, 2010 thanks for your reply 'amagordos'. I'm just so cut up about this. It's like she sees this all as some kind of mission. As if she sees it as something which everyone has to overcome, at some point in their life. It's like that she sees that if she agrees with me in that she still likes me, which she has proved she does over and over, it will somehow prove to show weakness in her. Also, it is based around the fact that her parents originally got together as her mother 'wanted to prove her father wrong'... on something, I don't know the exact details, but I know they don't get on amazingly, although it has been like that for long time and they are still together... and she has said to others that because of that, she is wary of getting stuck in that situation even if there is nothing particularly wrong with the relationship she is in. I know most will say, 'is this all worth it?'... give up, move on etc, plenty more fish etc, but I really like this girl. Every time i back off she comes back, but I fear that this has happened so many times that it's not going to happen again now. so, yeah, it's difficult. I really don't think she is scared of scaring me away, she knows that I don't really get wound up by stuff which may or may not happen in the future etc etc etc...
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