HalfStepDown Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 3yr relationship. Broke up twice.... the ONLY time we break up is when I have enough you know what's to actaully DO IT! I give and give and give!! Last break up was pretty solid. We do NOT live together, but she had a boat load of stuff over here to include her kid's stuff. YUCK! Anyway... so we came back together this time as "friends" and started "hanging out"... had a great time, no arguing, no manipulating etc... As you would expect, it has morphed into a full on "back together" sitaution. Although, her stuff AND her kids stuff are NOT over here nor will I allow that. I'm a co-dependent, hence I'm back in it now. Bottom line at this point... is I give and give and give and she doesn't see it... we are now arguing. If she doesn't get things precisely HOW she wants them, when she wants them and where she wants them... regardelss of what I do it's just not good enough. AND it's MY fault for doing the "other" things because I do them by choice so it's MY own fault. I helped her with school. $600.00 I helped her fix her vehicle $200.00 I take her to concerts and nice hotels and dinner and cab service to and from and front row seats to her fav. performer. $900.00 I send her flowers $100.00 I buy her concert tix for her bday and coordinate a room for that $500.00 I ALWAYS pay for dinner, lunch, drinks, rental movies, food... 300.00 per weekend typically. It's her birthday, I'm WORKING today... I OFFER two weeks ago, AND last week to take her to dinner FOR her birthday ON her birthday. She says, "NO.. it's during the week lets just go out on Friday Eve." So I make reservations for Friday, have a plan... another 100.00 evening planned. Today she is PISSED and PISSY because I didn't come to take her to lunch today from her work. and Now want's a piece of cheesecake... wanting me to bring it to her. I'm at work and due to our plans did NOT make arrangements for a lunch date with her today, so I can't get away. She is now being all pissy and upset with me. Why? SIMPLY because she is NOT getting exactly what SHE wants when she wants it. This HAS to seriously be some sort of psyche disorder or psyche problem. Manipulation at it's finest? What's worse is I'M the one who's freakin crazy for trying to figure out how I can get her a damn piece of cheesecake!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Billie The Puppet Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 3yr relationship. Broke up twice.... the ONLY time we break up is when I have enough you know what's to actaully DO IT! I give and give and give!! Last break up was pretty solid. We do NOT live together, but she had a boat load of stuff over here to include her kid's stuff. YUCK! Anyway... so we came back together this time as "friends" and started "hanging out"... had a great time, no arguing, no manipulating etc... As you would expect, it has morphed into a full on "back together" sitaution. Although, her stuff AND her kids stuff are NOT over here nor will I allow that. I'm a co-dependent, hence I'm back in it now. Bottom line at this point... is I give and give and give and she doesn't see it... we are now arguing. If she doesn't get things precisely HOW she wants them, when she wants them and where she wants them... regardelss of what I do it's just not good enough. AND it's MY fault for doing the "other" things because I do them by choice so it's MY own fault. I helped her with school. $600.00 I helped her fix her vehicle $200.00 I take her to concerts and nice hotels and dinner and cab service to and from and front row seats to her fav. performer. $900.00 I send her flowers $100.00 I buy her concert tix for her bday and coordinate a room for that $500.00 I ALWAYS pay for dinner, lunch, drinks, rental movies, food... 300.00 per weekend typically. It's her birthday, I'm WORKING today... I OFFER two weeks ago, AND last week to take her to dinner FOR her birthday ON her birthday. She says, "NO.. it's during the week lets just go out on Friday Eve." So I make reservations for Friday, have a plan... another 100.00 evening planned. Today she is PISSED and PISSY because I didn't come to take her to lunch today from her work. and Now want's a piece of cheesecake... wanting me to bring it to her. I'm at work and due to our plans did NOT make arrangements for a lunch date with her today, so I can't get away. She is now being all pissy and upset with me. Why? SIMPLY because she is NOT getting exactly what SHE wants when she wants it. This HAS to seriously be some sort of psyche disorder or psyche problem. Manipulation at it's finest? What's worse is I'M the one who's freakin crazy for trying to figure out how I can get her a damn piece of cheesecake!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow I thought my girl(ex by her choice) was self centered, but this takes the (cheese)cake on that. I can't say your stooopid cause I still want my ex back.
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I'd have to say that you are full step down... If it has come to the resentment being shown over money like you have posted then it is time for you to end it and move on..
JimmyB26 Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Narcissistic Personality Disorder!!! Check out this blog, it's for men trapped in emotionally abusive relationships, written by a female therapist. www.shrink4men.wordpress.com It's really helped me. Both my exwife and some girlfriends since have been NPD. I've been noticing the red flags sooner and sooner now and dodging some huge bullets.
Author HalfStepDown Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Well, I'm still dealing with this and she is still the same!! My co-dependancy is gonna allow her to continue to bleed my dry! I got front row seats for "us" to a concert, a nice hotel room here in town... planned for a nice dinner before the show etc... She said thank you and all the right things at the time I presented the gift to her.... then 3 days later we are on the phone and I mention, "are you excited about this weekend".... are you "looking forward to it?" She responds, "yes, I am... but what I'm looking forward to is what about the P90X program you were supposed to download and get for me?? What happed to that??" wow! Amazing! Thoughts? Insight? advice??
Author HalfStepDown Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Ok... well a nice $600.00 weekend again last weekend and I was critisized for doing what I did.. and "why would you book such a room?" etc.. etc.. etc.... We argued and carried on as usual. I was ready to end it and I asked her to tell me HONESTLY why she stays with me. She said, "because you pay for everything why do you think??" Anyway... bottom line is that I ENDED this! I ended this on Thursday night. We have been 100% NC since then!!! I feel absolutely liberated and so so so much better and I litterally feel my life coming back little by little. The problem is... is that it's not easy! It's strange not communicating with her all throughout the day... texting and carrying on. I'm not lonely really, but I do find myself wondering..."how is she?" "I hope she's ok..." and then I start to feel bad about her because I know it has to be hard for her too. I know if I txt or call all I will do is just open my wallet again! I NEED strength for NC!!! This IS what I need to do right? NC?????
Author HalfStepDown Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Ohhhh and I only barely touched the tip of the ice berg here! It's pretty bad that's for sure... I've done some reading and it appears without question that she has: Narccasistic Disorder Boarderline Personality Disorder Bi-polar Obviously she needs more help than I could ever give her... and with those types of issues the bigger issue is that they will NEVER admit nor come to terms with the fact that they actually have a problem! I have been taken advantage of, used, emotionally abused and rode hard for three years. Although, it DOES take two!!! It's really only my fault as "I" allowed it and put up with it and kept on "giving" and giving! I'm out now... this is day 3 and still NC... I DO feel bad and I hope she's ok and doing well. I just want to know that..but that's all a part of my co-dependancy. (At least I KNOW this) I know the BEST thing for me is to remain NC and as the days with NC increase so will my confidence in being ME. I do NOT want the mess again... but I need to find support to remain strong and let it all be!!!
Author HalfStepDown Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Well, she txt me yesterday of which I didn't respond and then later called yesterday and I answered the phone (home phone) not thinking. Of course she called to b*$ch at me and tell me I was and informal a$$ because when I mailed her her key, I didn't hand write her address on the envelope. I printed it on the computer and that was "informal" and mean! Wow! And then it started... she went all "soft" on me and started shooting those heart peircing bullets at me! She was BEGGING for "more time" and wanting us to "stay together" for just a bit longer.... to "ween" ourselves off each other... "More time, more time... please... for me? please?" OHHHHH it was hard! Damn... I stuck to my guns and kept saying NO... NO NO NO... I was actually sitting there pre-occupied with setting a digital watch! ha! Probably a GOOD thing as I wasn't truly listening to her!!! Throughout this though, I "let her have it" and told her EXACTLY what I didn't like, and WHY I will NOT go back... how she is, how she's ungrateful, mean and just simply not nice. How her as a person and I just do NOT match up. How she made/makes me feel so terribly bad about myself in a scary way and how she has to control me etc. How she takes advantage of me because of my money and how she "Rides the money train" also told her how I really dislike waking up on Sunday with a house full of noise and kids! How there are things "I" wants to do on Sundays rather than drop 80 bones on lunch with her and her kids... How it's now time for ME to live MY life how I want... unabashed, non-controlled and free to now learn who I really am! I told her I MUST break this co-dependancy and the ONLY way to do this is NOW and with NO CONTACT.... I told her she will go through her anger phase again and go back to her terrible name calling, being REALLY mean and nasty and just to get it over with now and do it while we are on the phone. She didn't. Not once did she ever apologize or reference any of HER behavior that I was referencing. Not once... only, to say that "it won't be like that any more, just give us some more time. I'm not ready." I also told her it was NOT her fault though. Cuz it wasn't... it was MY OWN fault becuz I allowed it! And now I realize that and it will NEVER EVER EVER happen again with her nor anyone else! ALL she kept saying through the whole thing is, "Just give it more time...I won't be like that.. just give it more time... please??" Wow! I seriously ALMOST gave in once...but outta the blue she just hung up! Blip! Wow! Whew... that was close! THEN (as always) I felt terrible because I told her all those things to her. So I sent her a short nice txt a couple hours later saying that I was REALLY sorry for saying all those mean things and that she doesn't deserve those comments, BUT that "This" has to end now... it just does. I haven't heard from her since... THOUGHTS?? ADVICE?????
Author HalfStepDown Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 I need to move this thread to "Breaks and Breaking up" can a moderator please do this for me?? I'm not getting further replies. thank you!
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