lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Where to start? My ex and I had been together for almost 9 years before we broke up about 2.5 months ago. We started dating when we were 18. He broke up with me because he wanted more "freedom" ; so i didn't fight it I let him go. He was still part of my life I probably see him once a week or so. About 2 months ago i started dating again (someone I knew from High School). This new guy is way to serious for me right now and I have resently lost interest. Last night my ex and I went out to eat which is not abnormal for us to do every once in awhile just to catch up. We went back to my place just to chit chat ... at some point we were standing face to face and I just gave him a big hug. That hug lead him to kiss me on the lips ... he proceeded to take me to my bedroom where we had sex. I need to add that during the last 2 years of our relationship we did not have sex at all. I suppose we both lost interest (not sure what happened). Last night we had amazing sex he got dressed and then decided to have sex again. I cant tell you the last time that had happen ... i felt a real connection. He told me he loved me and I told him I loved and missed him. I have never done this type of thing ... he was my first everything. Question is what do you think this was about to him? Do you really think he loves me or was he just horny? Whats my next step if i want to be back in this relationship?
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 About 2 months ago i started dating again .....This new guy is way to serious for me right now and I have resently lost interest. Dump Mr. Serious. Question is what do you think this was about to him? Do you really think he loves me or was he just horny? Whats my next step if i want to be back in this relationship? Ask your Ex-BF this.
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 your right i just need to talk to my ex about this... i problem was communication in the first place. I just wanted to know othe opinion on what happen. does this sound like something i just need to forget about and try to get back with him or was this just a big mistake on both sides?
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 You'll only discover that after you ask him the question. And I wouldn't look upon it as a mistake. I'd just put it down to experience, and carnal lust. And there's nothing wrong with a bit of wanton fun sex, providing you don't try to hyper-analyse it, see more into it than there was, or begin resenting him, and hating yourself. If it's meant to go somewhere, then it's because you both want it to, and you both want to work on it constructively. if it's not meant to go somewhere, just enjoy it for what it was. A damn good phekk.....
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Thanks for the advice I'll try to talk to him tonight about it ... if hes willing.
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 That would be the teller.... if he's not willing, just say to him - "Well ok, in that case, we just had a damn good phekk for old times' sake! I enjoyed it - but don't think you can have it when you want it, buddy! you got lucky!":laugh:
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Why did you two break up in the first place?
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 well he left because he said he wanted more freedom but i didnt understand that b/c i let him do everything he wanted to do (i thought). it was not a mutual breakup by any means. i didn't fight it b/c i knew he had his mind set on leaving and creating so new life. we had no communication and that utimately destroyed our relationship.
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Freedom means "experiences" with the opposite sex, you do know that right?
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 i suppose he could have meant it that way... i pretty positive he hasnt dated anyone tho. he moved in with 2 other guy friends who were resently single... which i think partly lead to the breakup. now one of them has a gf and the other works a lot and i feel like hes just lost now and it wasnt what he expected.
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 You were with him 9 years. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9! Are you saying for 9 years there was no communication?
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 not about things that one would consider important to talk about to carry on a normal relationship. i tried to but i just hit a wall everytime ... so i gave up and just carried on. i was happy but always knew that we could be happier but didnt know how to make it happen.
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Do you have it figured out now if you were to get back together with him?
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 i have a pretty good idea what we would need to do to make it work. i just know if hes willing and ready. i may just need to let him figure things out on his own and he'll approach me when hes ready.... but i also want to know how he feels about the situation ... so im still not sure what will happen.
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I want to bring this up with him but I don't know how to do it without him feeling pressured in talking about it. How should I do this?
xpaperxcutx Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I want to bring this up with him but I don't know how to do it without him feeling pressured in talking about it. How should I do this? Why do you feel like you're pressuring him? Being together with him for 9 years more than warrants that you should at least get some sort of answer. Besides, the two of you not being " together' right now only proves more of an opportunity for you to ask him; which will then lead to you figuring out whether you truly want to be with him or if you're ready to start anew yourself. Remember you can't sit around waiting for him, you're entitled to your own happiness, and getting every out in the open is the first step. I suggest you talk to him face to face about what it is he wants from you. Does he still want to be with you or does he still want " freedom". If it's the latter, then you're better off seeking someone who doesn't compare being with you as being " locked up".
Crazy Horse Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Freedom means "experiences" with the opposite sex, you do know that right? My ex told me the same thing when she broke up with me. She just wants to be 'free' for now, she said. It turns out she hooked up with a colleague while they were in Europe. I feel exactly what you're feeling. My ex and I barely had a sex life the last year of our relationship. When we got together again (as friends) 3 months after our breakup, we started sleeping together. And it was good. As good as, if not better than, early in our relationship during the 'can't get our hands off each other' stage. But she just wouldn't commit to me again even though we act like bf/gf every time we see each other. Turns out she's still hoping things could work out b/n her and her European fling. I was nothing more than a backup. I suggest you lay out all your cards on the table and figure out what he really wants instead of 'wait and see where things go' w/c is what i did.
Author lostsoul7777 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 I plan on meeting him for dinner after work tomorrow. Hopefully I can gather the nerve to bring it up. Any advice on this is appreciated. Thank guys for all the input so far.
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