Darby5126 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Back with my GF after nearly 2 months of NC. I agree to meet with her and she is very apologetic, wants to really make it work this time, will go to therapy, etc.. she also apologized for placing a fake profile pic on FB to nake me jealous cause she was mad at me as she thought I was seeing someone else (which wasnt true). I took her at her word and accepted her back with the understaning that any more BS would end the relationship. We have a great week of time together until she announces that she will be going out of town to perform at a local festival. She informs me that she would be staying at a nearby hotel and will call me regularly. She arrives there, and soon advises me that the cell reception is very poor and that she would text. She never told me where the hotel was, etc.. Well she did not call or text as much as she stated, but kept in touch. She returns the following Monday, and wants to get together. We have a nice dinner, go back to my place and have a great time, sex, etc.. Later in the day, when I call her she informs me that she will have to work a little later than planned. I say ok as that shouldnt interfere with our plans. She stated "I wasnt planning on seeing you tonight, as I have to do laundry, pay bills, clean house, etc., I was planning on Thursday, and then spen "our weekend" together. I was dissapointed as here are renewing our relationship etc, and yet she is placing the laundry etc, ahead of this. She sensed my dissapointment and asked me if I was ok with that. I replied that I was disappointed but if that was her choice I have to respect that. It continued to bother me, so i later called her and asked her to consider doing all that on Wednesday when we werent planning to be together. She remained steadfast. I said ok asked if she was ok and we hung up on good terms. I was still upset with her behavior so I went NC until Thursday when we were supposed to meet again. She called last night but I didnt answer. So far NC. I really would like to call her but right now i want her to feel some sense of loss and that fact that blowing me off for laundry etc was unacceptable. Am I approaching this right or just stay a nice guy and let her get away with crap?
Caradavine Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Um, I don't know. However, being taken for granted or at least feeling that way is not fun. I know that some authors write that women need to make men chase so they feel the victory of conquest - is it possible that she is thinking in that way? I would have been suspicious of her behaviors about leaving town and working late, but I'm BPD and its part of my trust/abandonment issues so I have to fight giving in to suspicions constantly. Here is something I read in one of my numerous self-help books I recently purchased (lol): A BPD doesn't understand that the other person has a life outside of him/her, even if married, living together, etc... A BPD will assume that a choice to do something other than spend time together is because the SO doesn't care about him/her. In reality, a relationship is healthy when the other person is given the freedom to make own choices. Um, I'm not saying you have BPD, so please don't misunderstand my purpose here. My purpose is to maybe help you see that a Healthy relationship is a big H, not a big A (two lives that are connected in the middle instead of two lives connected in the middle and inter-joined). You can thank couples counseling for that gem. If you are struggling with her choices and feel that she must be shown that her choices are not okay, then it might not be something that is going to work out. I know from experience how hard it is to let go of expectations and continue in something that already comes from a place of pain. In conclusion, I really don't know what you should do or should have done. Whatever it is, just do what is best for you (while not manipulating). I think you already know that if she does not see your relationship as important, then you probably need to move on. It's possible she is asserting independence, which is a good thing. It might not hurt to just be upfront about it and tell her how you felt or interpreted her actions.
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