What do I do

[FallenAngel84]

I've gone thru SO much in the past few weeks going back and forth in my head with an ex boyfriend of 5 years wondering if I did the right thing.

 

I was doing okay until he came back after we broke up for a month and told me how much I meant to him. In the mean time, I started dating a guy who I really like.

 

Things with the ex boyfriend were alright, but that spark died down. It felt so routine and boring and like we were together but not really 'together.' I thought about breaking things off with him for a long time and when I did it, I was kind of relieved in a sense.

 

Now, he's all I can think about and I miss our memories and things we'd do together. When I'm out with my new guy, I'm happy, but I miss the ex and feel guilty. I also get crappy feeling when I think of him seeing someone new. I am just assuming jealousy is human nature, right? He was a great guy but something was missing. Should I try to go back and work on it?

 

Do I go back? What do I do?

Edited September 22, 2010 by FallenAngel84

[Billie The Puppet]

See I am like your ex, I feel like I was let go because we got boring and into a routine. I would love another chance, I feel every relationship gets to that point. Do you still have an attraction to your ex? Do you know if your ex wants you back?

 

Also this is an easy fix, take initiative and don't always put the task of having fun on your partner although it is fundamentally the mans job to do so, sometimes we get too comfortable and end up being laid back.

 

Going beyond the new guy and you having fun is their anything else there? If it's just the fun, my answer would be seek out what your ex feels. The troubled are do you do it as you are with the new guy.

[FallenAngel84]

I do have somewhat of an attraction to my ex but not really in a sexual way. I think he's adorable and cute. I know that my ex wants me back but I made it clear I need time to sort thru feelings... he hasn't contacted me in a couple days.

 

With the new guy, I feel something... maybe more chemistry, I don't know. I'm just confused.

[Billie The Puppet]

Stick with your new guy, see how it plays out, if you wanted your ex back you would not be confused you would know. Don't kid yourself sexual chemistry plays a big role and the words you just used to describe your ex sounds like something one would say about a nephew not a lover.

[FallenAngel84]

Thanks for the advice. I keep telling myself that if we are meant to be, we will be.

 

I think I will take what you said and run with it.

[Billie The Puppet]

Thanks for the advice. I keep telling myself that if we are meant to be, we will be.

 

I think I will take what you said and run with it.

 

During limited contact my ex told me, the same line. It is funny how my advice flipped from each reply. It is just being in your ex's position I wouldn't my ex be sure than confused. To me your replies sound like guilt/ pity taking over.

[FallenAngel84]

I'm sure alot of it is pity, but I am also jealous thinking about the next girl in his life. Crazy and selfish, right?

 

I am very sentimental and of course our good memories are all I can think of right now. I will miss alot of things we'd do and did together.

[primer]

You made the decision to break up for a reason. Now move on with your life and let your ex move on with his life too.

[Billie The Puppet]

I'm sure alot of it is pity, but I am also jealous thinking about the next girl in his life. Crazy and selfish, right?

 

I am very sentimental and of course our good memories are all I can think of right now. I will miss alot of things we'd do and did together.

 

Jealousy is natural but, you moved on, so he should be able to as well. The way you make it sound though is you want to move on without allowing him the same. Ie what if he meets someone.

 

You'll know if you love him in time. Pity, Jealousy, would not be a factor. Missing him is but it is him you have to miss in an emotional, physical, conversational and intellectual level. Not just the times you had and the memories.

 

I'm a dumpee and I miss my ex on all those levels. However being the dumpee I have to let go.

 

You however on on the reverse and spending time with the new guy you might realize what you want. It could be him, your ex or neither.

[FallenAngel84]

I know and I keep telling myself that. I just hope I did the right thing. I don't know why I miss him and am having moments of weakness. I guess it's normal, right?

[durkadurka]

Jealousy is natural but, you moved on, so he should be able to as well. The way you make it sound though is you want to move on without allowing him the same. Ie what if he meets someone.

 

You'll know if you love him in time. Pity, Jealousy, would not be a factor. Missing him is but it is him you have to miss in an emotional, physical, conversational and intellectual level. Not just the times you had and the memories.

 

I'm a dumpee and I miss my ex on all those levels. However being the dumpee I have to let go.

 

You however on on the reverse and spending time with the new guy you might realize what you want. It could be him, your ex or neither.

 

Yeah people need time, and who the **** knows. Expectations and what people want change over time.

 

Give it time.

 

If you miss him still in 6 months then maybe you might want to act on it then.

[Billie The Puppet]

I know and I keep telling myself that. I just hope I did the right thing. I don't know why I miss him and am having moments of weakness. I guess it's normal, right?

 

Treat I don't knows as No

No as No

 

And Yes as Yes

 

Also you talk about a moment as weakness, it's in a moment of strength that this decision should be made.

[durkadurka]

Treat I don't knows as No

No as No

 

And Yes as Yes

 

Also you talk about a moment as weakness, it's in a moment of strength that this decision should be made.

I'm sorry but this whole post is gibberish.

[Billie The Puppet]

I'm sorry but this whole post is gibberish.

 

 

I though it would appear as such:

 

I'll explain I don't know is uncertainty, uncertainy is not a valid reason to go back to another person because it's doomed to fail. Everything happens for a reason but the reasons explanation shouldn't be I don't know it just feels right. So treat I don't know as more balanced towards the negative which is not going back. In otherwords I don't know as an answer us equal to no.

 

So

 

I don't know if I want to go back = no I don't want to go back

 

No I don't want to go back = no I don't want to go back

 

And

 

Yes I want to go back is = yes I want to go back.

 

So if you find yourself answering or justifying with I don't knows take more time until you have a definitive answer yes or no.

 

As for the moment of strength comment it would be a decision such as this should be made when one is feeling strong by that I mean a clear head where pity, and jealousy are removed. The original poster describes her feelings but states at a moment of weakness so it sounds like she is only questioning the topic at hand because of her weakness.

[durkadurka]

I though it would appear as such:

 

I'll explain I don't know is uncertainty, uncertainy is not a valid reason to go back to another person because it's doomed to fail. Everything happens for a reason but the reasons explanation shouldn't be I don't know it just feels right. So treat I don't know as more balanced towards the negative which is not going back. In otherwords I don't know as an answer us equal to no.

 

So

 

I don't know if I want to go back = no I don't want to go back

 

No I don't want to go back = no I don't want to go back

 

And

 

Yes I want to go back is = yes I want to go back.

 

So if you find yourself answering or justifying with I don't knows take more time until you have a definitive answer yes or no.

 

As for the moment of strength comment it would be a decision such as this should be made when one is feeling strong by that I mean a clear head where pity, and jealousy are removed. The original poster describes her feelings but states at a moment of weakness so it sounds like she is only questioning the topic at hand because of her weakness.

 

Makes sense.

 

In regards to the bold stuff, there are different reasons for those possible answers, and I think there's another part to that.

 

You can want to go back, but know that the problems haven't been fixed. You can like someone and know that the time isn't right.

 

That's another big one.

 

It's really important to figure out where you are before you make any decisions.

[Billie The Puppet]

Of course there are many factors that come to play.

[fabio10]

Fallen I feel for you but I also feel for the two guys essentially without knowing or not are part of a triangle ! Jealousy is a less than desirable emotion to have but I think it often comes hand in hand with aspects of being in love ! I think it is maybe only really hitting you now that your ex maybe getting over you, and the thought that he may actually move on is sinking into you.

 

This new guy is already facing a uphill battle to have a relationship with you even at this early honeymoon stage you are having doubts and thinking about your ex, maybe you should stay alone even for just a week and deeply consider what you want!? You say you already have guilt on your hands from your last relationship do you want more on your hands with this new guy !?

 

You have to ask yourself why did you guys breakup,what were the factors eg timing, rountine etc ! weigh the pros and the cons, but also ask yourself was your decision to break from your ex influenced friends often tell us what we want to hear !?

 

And then strongly consider that maybe there is nothing wrong with your ex or this new guy but maybe the problem is with you think back to other relationships if you have along line of men in the dump bin ala a sex and the city girl then maybe it is you that has the problem and none of these men.

 

I hope you make the right choice for YOU but remember your actions will affect these 2men.

Edited September 23, 2010 by fabio10

[FallenAngel84]

Fallen I feel for you but I also feel for the two guys essentially without knowing or not are part of a triangle ! Jealousy is a less than desirable emotion to have but I think it often comes hand in hand with aspects of being in love ! I think it is maybe only really hitting you now that your ex maybe getting over you, and the thought that he may actually move on is sinking into you.

 

This new guy is already facing a uphill battle to have a relationship with you even at this early honeymoon stage you are having doubts and thinking about your ex, maybe you should stay alone even for just a week and deeply consider what you want!? You say you already have guilt on your hands from your last relationship do you want more on your hands with this new guy !?

 

You have to ask yourself why did you guys breakup,what were the factors eg timing, rountine etc ! weigh the pros and the cons, but also ask yourself was your decision to break from your ex influenced friends often tell us what we want to hear !?

 

And then strongly consider that maybe there is nothing wrong with your ex or this new guy but maybe the problem is with you think back to other relationships if you have along line of men in the dump bin ala a sex and the city girl then maybe it is you that has the problem and none of these men.

 

I hope you make the right choice for YOU but remember your actions will affect these 2men.

The new guy is well aware of the ex. He knows where I'm coming from since we have known eachother a while before dating. He is supportive and I've told him all this and he is amazing in the sense that he is telling me to do what will make me happy regardless of whether or not I choose him. He is great and a bigger person than I am if the roles were reversed.

 

My ex was my first real serious boyfriend and my first love. I wish I knew how to process what's going on and go back to our happier times when things seemed easy but we drifted apart. There have been many times when I want to call or text him but something stops me. In a very selfish way I wish I could just keep him on hold until I figure out what I'm doing but that's just not right.

[fabio10]

It is hard where you are and I really dont envy you, be careful tho this new guy as you said is being supportive thus is filling a void that you lost with your ex he is shoulder to cry on so to speak, it is great when someone wants you to be happy but no matter what he says he is human and will be naturally dissappointed if you do go back to your ex so you may lose his friendship.

 

I know what you are saying about wanting to put your ex in a box so he cant move on until you are sure my ex girl who dumped me felt kinda the same way but I cant wait forever and right now Im trying to sort myself out Im not seeking to date someone new not cause Im waiting for her because I aint ready.