Confused9 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Three years ago today marks the day that my ex-fiancé told me he didn’t love me anymore, then took it back, then said he was confused, and therefore started the end of our 7 year relationship. We were due to get married 13 months from then. I was stunned, shocked, confused, etc. I didn't know which way was up. I felt hopeless and lost. That was the beginning of many sleepless nights. I had no closure. He wouldn't answer any of my questions and it was just a mess. (I am not going to rehash but you can post stalk me and see how devastated I was). Anyway, he ended up admitting he was cheating, married the OW about 9 months later and had a baby a week or so before what was to be OUR wedding day. So needless to say it was a mess, I was a mess. I felt like I was living but not my life. I felt like I was watching my life crumble around me. I wanted to drive in to trucks and just end it all. I was in so much pain. I just couldn't handle it and I changed so much from that moment on. I was sad, angry, depressed, mad, inconsolable. I couldn't care less about anything around me. He was my everything and I was not whole without him. I begged and pleaded with him to no avail. He was an @sshole and I didn't care. All I wanted was to be with him and I felt worthless without him. Looking back now, I see we weren't meant to be. Sure there are some days when I am like OMG, did that really happen, and it still stings a bit since he was so careless with my feelings at the end. But, I am so much happier now and living proof that time does heal all wounds! I was always told one day I would want to thank him for this and never believed it to be true, but I can sit here today and say with all honesty that I do thank him for leaving. My life is so much better without him and I am so glad that we did not get married. I started dating someone 11 months ago and I am more in love than I ever have been. He is an amazing boy and had an awful time getting me to trust him, but I finally did and we couldn't be happier. I am still scared, obviously, but what happened to me didn't ruin me forever in relationships. I feel even more sure that I deserve something amazing due to the pain I went through with my ex. I want all of you out there who are just starting this hard journey to recovery from a broken heart to know that things do get better and I am living proof. It took a lot of hard work, soul searching, and a few years but it will happen. I know how hopeless you feel and I just hope that you feel better very soon. This website helped me so much when I was going through my breakup and I remember being so inspired by others overcoming their horrible stories that I thought I would come on here and try and do the same. I haven't been on here in a long time and I am not sure if the people who helped me are still here...but you were all angels and so helpful to me. Someday your responses were the only thing keeping me going. Hang in there, Confused9
BeagleGal Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Reading this, gives me some hope. I was more or less in the same situation where my exSO cheated on me, OW pregnant, got married in Jul in the same venue he and I had looked at together, baby is due I think soon - in a few weeks - and I've been a mess. I'm not doing as bad as I was when it all first went down but I can't stop thinking about how "cheated" I feel that this new girl got the life I wanted with him. Its almost like they are living the life he and I planned for us. Everyone says I've dodged a bullet, he would have done this eventually, he's going to do this to new wife, my therapist says he's a possible narcissist based on what I've told him, blah, blah, blah... but I'm not quite "there" yet. I still hold on to to the man I thought he was, not to the one he really is. I think logically I know that I'm better off without him as he was trouble from the start and I now have people, incl his friends, tell me that he's been like this (a liar, cheater, user) from the get-go, before I came along even. However, it doesnt lessen the pain or the fact that I feel like I'm "missing out". So reading your post reassures me that it does get better, it takes time but it does. Thanks for posting!
YSS Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Congrats on your great news and thanks so much for sharing. I must admit it brought tears to my eyes. I am in a similiar boat that you found yourself years ago...with the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness for my tomorrows. Cannot even imagine every trusting someone with my heart again. Your story offer inspiration and you are deserving of happiness as we all are. Good luck to you...wishing you many happy days.
br0ken_w0lf Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hi Confused! I remember you, and remember that you had responded to some of my posts and I had certainly read many of yours! I am so happy to hear that you are in a much better place and, moreso, that you've met someone else and are happy now! There was recently a thread on here that requested those folks who have gone through a bad experience but who are now happy, to step up and tell their stories - this is perfect timing! I really hope you continue to be happy and you're right: you do deserve it! Seeing this post made my day!!! Take care!
Author Confused9 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Beagle, I completely understand your problem with feeling cheated and thinking that the OW has your life that you so crave/wish for. And I struggle with that, still, sometimes! No so much about her having him, but the fact that they own a home, have a child and she sort of got my ‘happy ever after’. But, you know what…good luck to her, because regardless, their relationship is built on a foundation of lies, and I would much rather be without him and build my own happy ending then be with him and live a life that was a lie. He may or may not cheat on her, but that doesn’t change his character or what type of person he is for being able to do what he did! I always said, even from the very early days that I would always end up being better off in the end for sure for one specific reason and that is: I had to live with what he did to me for as long as I let myself…he can never EVER rid himself of the guilt of knowing what he did to me. I don’t care how stone cold Steve Austin you are…you have to remember what a P.O.S you are sometimes being in their shoes! I read somewhere to ‘Let the Villains of your life be your best teachers’ and I stand by that. My ex showed me everything to look out for and everything I don’t want. You did dodge a bullet and one day you will see that. Until then, just try and keep reminding yourself that you are NOT missing out. You know, deep down your life wasn’t perfect and you are better off not being stuck with someone who is a cheating @sshat! This will get easier, not over night, but I promise it will. Yss, You will be able to trust someone again, but it will take a lot of time. It certainly did for me. But, your ex took enough from you, don’t let them take away a happy future that you deserve, and even more deserve now . Hang in there!!!! Broken, Hello!!! I do remember you! Glad to ‘see’ you again. I hope things are well with you!!!
rattled Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hey Confused9...I'm extremely grateful to hear success stories (I actually started a thread trying to get old members that were coping and now are alright to tell their story). Just a question. You tell of the beginning and the end of your story. What did you do during the in between? How did you cope for so long? If it takes years to finally be okay, I'm really not looking forward to it as I'm only a couple months in with 2 months NC. Let us know how you did it!
ShannonMI Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Three years ago today marks the day that my ex-fiancé told me he didn’t love me anymore, then took it back, then said he was confused, and therefore started the end of our 7 year relationship. We were due to get married 13 months from then. I was stunned, shocked, confused, etc. I didn't know which way was up. I felt hopeless and lost. That was the beginning of many sleepless nights. I had no closure. He wouldn't answer any of my questions and it was just a mess. (I am not going to rehash but you can post stalk me and see how devastated I was). Anyway, he ended up admitting he was cheating, married the OW about 9 months later and had a baby a week or so before what was to be OUR wedding day. So needless to say it was a mess, I was a mess. I felt like I was living but not my life. I felt like I was watching my life crumble around me. I wanted to drive in to trucks and just end it all. I was in so much pain. I just couldn't handle it and I changed so much from that moment on. I was sad, angry, depressed, mad, inconsolable. I couldn't care less about anything around me. He was my everything and I was not whole without him. I begged and pleaded with him to no avail. He was an @sshole and I didn't care. All I wanted was to be with him and I felt worthless without him. Looking back now, I see we weren't meant to be. Sure there are some days when I am like OMG, did that really happen, and it still stings a bit since he was so careless with my feelings at the end. But, I am so much happier now and living proof that time does heal all wounds! I was always told one day I would want to thank him for this and never believed it to be true, but I can sit here today and say with all honesty that I do thank him for leaving. My life is so much better without him and I am so glad that we did not get married. I started dating someone 11 months ago and I am more in love than I ever have been. He is an amazing boy and had an awful time getting me to trust him, but I finally did and we couldn't be happier. I am still scared, obviously, but what happened to me didn't ruin me forever in relationships. I feel even more sure that I deserve something amazing due to the pain I went through with my ex. I want all of you out there who are just starting this hard journey to recovery from a broken heart to know that things do get better and I am living proof. It took a lot of hard work, soul searching, and a few years but it will happen. I know how hopeless you feel and I just hope that you feel better very soon. This website helped me so much when I was going through my breakup and I remember being so inspired by others overcoming their horrible stories that I thought I would come on here and try and do the same. I haven't been on here in a long time and I am not sure if the people who helped me are still here...but you were all angels and so helpful to me. Someday your responses were the only thing keeping me going. Hang in there, Confused9 Thank you so much for this! It's so inspiring to read stories about people getting through their breakups and moving on to bigger and better things. Even thanking the person that caused such extreme pain and turmoil. Wow! It's amazing! It gives us all hope that there is, indeed, a light at the end of the tunnel. Again, thank you!
Author Confused9 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) Hi Rattled, I wish I saw that thread, I would have posted there, instead of being an attention wh*re and posting my own! Haha. Anyway, I’ll be honest; I think it took me a good 8-9 months to feel even a little bit like my old self again. The turning point, though ironic, was at my best friends wedding. I was a bridesmaid, and my ex got married a week ago that day and while I was sitting in the pew I looked over at the groomsmen, staring at an empty spot where he should have been and felt this insane pain, and started thinking how a week ago he was doing the same thing, repeating vows with a virtual stranger, promising to love her forever, I wondered if he thought of me at that moment, and couldn’t control my crying so I slouched down and silently sobbed. A few minutes later, my best friend was married and I had never felt so alone. But during the reception, something changed. I don’t know what it was but as I was walking around the reception feeling sorry for myself with a giant lump in my throat I virtually slapped myself and said ENOUGH! This is it…no more feeling sorry for yourself! I had the flippin’ time of my life after that. Haha. Now, it wasn’t all rainbows and roses after that night…it honestly took me a long time to feel better, but day after day, I did. My ex left me with a ton of debt and due to that; I had to get a second job. So a lot of my nights and weekends were consumed with that and with that job I made a ton of new friends and it was almost like I started a new life and became a new/improved me. I am not the same girl I was when he left, but that’s ok, I am glad! I’m not perfect, and I still carry a lot of issues, but I like this girl I’ve become. I have all these new friends and due to them I met my current boyfriend (and because of this I believe in the ‘everything happens for a reason’). Now, it’s not to say that wasn’t super hard. It was so hard to trust him and I tried very hard to push him away…see how far I could go. But, from the first month on, he called my bluff and said he isn’t going anywhere. Not sure what is going to happen and I may get my heart broken all over again, but that’s a chance I am taking, cause I deserve that real love! Trust me, I still have my days. When things are going wrong in my life, I whine and cry and feel sorry for myself. I miss him, even still, but there isn’t a void in my life anymore and I have realized, through this, that I can get over anything…and should this happen again, I will be okay. I’m still in therapy…but I CAN talk about him/’it’ without bursting in to tears. I haven’t seen him since, he moved to another state to be with OW, but he’s back…and that has brought a lot of fear/pain back in my life, but, I know for sure when/if I see him or them I won’t be wishing that was me on his arm, I may go up to her and give her a giant hug and buy her a present. Lol. Seriously, one day, you will all realize that it wasn’t wrong…and the universe stepped in and ended something that you wouldn’t/couldn’t. You will be okay…I promise! Shannon, It will get better. As they say in Finding Nemo: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... Edited September 22, 2010 by Confused9
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