WowReally Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 What the heck? How is it that 10 days of NC seems like an eternity? This is horrible! Just when I think I can handle not being in contact my withdrawl hits me even harder. I haven't missed someone this much in a very long time and I have quite the rep for being able to just walk away without a second thought. Why is this f'ed up scenario so different? Am I just being bratty and craving someone who can never be mine? Arrrgghh!
TigerCub Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 What the heck? How is it that 10 days of NC seems like an eternity? This is horrible! Just when I think I can handle not being in contact my withdrawl hits me even harder. I haven't missed someone this much in a very long time Sorry you're going through such a hard time WOW. You just need to remember that NC is what's best for you right now. I know it doesn't change the hurt, or doesn't make it seem like time isn't standing still during NC, but you need to keep in mind what's best for you, so that you can stay on your path. I have quite the rep for being able to just walk away without a second thought. OMG!! This I can totally relate to. I am the same way, I can walk away, even if it is hard to do, and usually with me, when its done, its done... but these A situations are different for some reason. Why is this f'ed up scenario so different? Am I just being bratty and craving someone who can never be mine? Arrrgghh! I don't think you're being bratty - you love someone, and it hurts to walk away. **HUGS**
siuys Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I know exactly how you feel. xMM and I went NC, and then one of us would break the rule and hook up again. You feel better for a little while, then you sink back into this horrible space. And the cycle starts again. I don't know your situation, but bear the pain. It will subside. Sorry you're feeling this way. I know it's hard. xMM and I managed only about a week of NC before one of us would cave in. This is the third time we're doing NC. It's only been a couple of days so it's probably easy for me to say now. I am curious how I would feel in a week's time but my gut feeling tells me it's over. I have no desire to contact him as I've written him off. No use wanting someone who doesn't want you, or not ready, or whatever. Stay strong and do know that if you break NC, you will feel good for 5 minutes, and then horrible for 5 days. Big hugs.
Mimolicious Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 WR (hugs)! Sorry that you are feeling like this. I know the feeling and it's no joke. Eventually, this will all be in the past. Keep yourself busy and time will pass...
Heather1 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 That's the lame thing about NC, you want them more. It takes about 3 weeks to break the addiction & have a rational thought. Keep really busy, take up a cool hobby & make yourself look great so you feel confident. The longest I've gone is 2 months. As lame as it is, I was able to take trips with my boys & be a friend to others again. The A was all consuming.
Author WowReally Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 What's worse is I initiated NC - I told him not to contact me - to just move on and here I am stumbling wishing I could just hear him say "it's over - Im going back to my wife". That would be the crack upside the head that I need. I do keep busy and I never let this affair really swollow me as I knew it would eventually come to an end for better or for worse. I could have picked up a single guy who would have kept me distracted but somehow that didnt seem ethical to me. Go figure. Irony! Gotta love it. My mind just wanders to the xMM no matter what these days and the dreams dont help either. *sigh* It is what it is I guess...breathing deep and knowing it's all for the best.
LadyDi Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 "The A was all consuming" Isn't that the truth! Its going to take some time to stop checking the phone, e-mail FB etc etc constantly. This is butal stuff.
lovingagain Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 NC is like withdrawing from heavy drugs (not that I have) but it is all those chemicals in your brain from being in love that once made you happy and ecstatic slowly draining out, or so it feels for me. I actually feel like a beautiful person turning ugly, plus someone banging a great big hammer on my head and saying my lover's name every second. Well I lasted four days sheesh I am useless...... I could not function and slept through most of it. and it was my idea!!! So back to square one.
ladydesigner Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 What the heck? How is it that 10 days of NC seems like an eternity? This is horrible! Just when I think I can handle not being in contact my withdrawl hits me even harder. I haven't missed someone this much in a very long time and I have quite the rep for being able to just walk away without a second thought. Why is this f'ed up scenario so different? Am I just being bratty and craving someone who can never be mine? Arrrgghh! God this was me 2 years ago. Although we did the "friends" thing for a year and I couldn't handle it so went NC. It is really fed-up that we give our XAP's so much power. I couldn't believe that I was letting it get to me that much. I have never had an ending hurt so much in my entire life. But here I am today with one year NC and PA over for 2 years and it feels good. It really does. Life does go on and eventually these crazy feelings fade. I guess my withdraw is officially over:p. Anyways hang in there it is tough, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I can attest for that. Hang in there!
Circular Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 It does get easier over time. For me, it's been over 5 months now since I walked away from the A. It took a good 3 weeks before I could start looking at the situation more objectively, but even then the deep feelings were still there. The moments of intense feelings get farther and farther apart over time and it becomes easier to focus on other things. I found taking a break from here also helped to not focus on it so much. It'd be great if I could say I'm fully detached from the A, but there's still a lot lingering and there are some days where it still hits me hard. I'd say the thing that surprised me the most was the sudden, about 2 weeks ago, onset of vivid dreams about my xAP. Those really pushed on some intense feelings. But I know the worse thing I could do is reach out to her, so I just focus on some projects and let the feeling pass. I definitely concur and can say that this is the hardest split I've ever had to make with the whole decision to just walk away. It was the right thing to do, definitely, I didn't realize though the depth of feelings in the aftermath that would come over me. As someone said earlier these A's kinda have there own sense about them when it comes to break-up time. For me, I attribute that to the fact that an A is never fully resolved. You never get to spend the time you would in a normal relationship where you can usually decide 'this isnt right for me' and split. Typically you split for an internally bound reason, in an A it's usually an externally bound reason. Which means there's no real closure. Even those that seek closure typically wind up more befuddled.
Recommended Posts