ATW1953 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I don't wish this to sound like a Poor Me story as is so many ways I am a very lucky man to have survived throat cancer twice. I have had two radical operations but have healed remarkably well, although it is noticeable that I have had surgery to my neck and chin. It was looking very likely that I would lose my tongue and my voicebox but miracles do happen - and I did not lose either. My talking is a little strained and sounds more nasal but I can speak and be clearly understood. The consequences of the major surgeries are I can no longer swallow, so I can't eat or drink. This has had a real imapct on me socially as eating and drinking are such a big part of life. I am fed and hydrated throgh a small tube in my stomach. No doubt there are thousands of people living this way although I have never met anyone when out socialising. I have lived alone now for 5 years (my marriage ended the same year that I first got cancer) and by far my greatest issue now is a pervading feeling that I won't find love again or even be attractive to a woman who I find attractive. It's a lonely feeling and at 57 years of age i certainly don't feel Past My Sell By date! Lately I have found myself thinking more and more about this and how the same kinds of feeling must be experienced by so many people who through one reason or another - disablement through illnesses / accidents. WE all see how amzing some people are at continuing to live life to the full even after life changing traumas - I just wonder id privately / psychologically, they have also lost confidence in their ever being attractive to the opposite sex again and think finding love again most likely impossible??
TaraMaiden Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Right, well let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Your handicap (let's call a spade a damn shovel - if you're a scot, you're sharp and blunt, and a straight talker. I've never met a reticent scot, or one who doesn't say what he means.....) Your handicap is not that you have an intestinal tube through which you get your nourishment, or that you've had throat cancer and have the scars and slight nasal twang to prove it. Those aren't the problem. The fact that you think they may be a problem - is the problem. If you socialise normally, and you book a dinner date with someone - tell them, you won't be eating, because..... if they balk - then they're shallow, inconsiderate and inhumane. If they say - oh well, why don't we go to the cinema instead? I promise I won't eat popcorn!" Then that's a cool start. Simply because you've had surgery, life doesn't stop. There's a guy with no arms and legs. Born that way. he goes round schools as a life Motivator, is happily married and has kids. Shoot, if he can lead a full, active, socially rewarding and energetic life....... Don't let your physical handicaps, handicap your mind. As Henry Ford once famously said: "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - you're right."
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