Hoping and praying for a chance to make it right...

[mistverge]

My ex and I recently broke up after 3.5 years together, and 5 years of great friendship prior. When we were together, we were truly happy. However, I've been traveling a lot for work and a large part of our relationship was spent long-distance. Aside from that, we have no big issues and we always tend to work things out. However, it seems that he's tired of spending so much time apart and the lack of physical presence, and wants to date other people. I have recently relocated back home to where he is and want to work on our relationship. He is adamant at the moment and wants to see other people.

 

He's currently dating a girl who he recently met, but I honestly think that the girl is just seeking for a rebound relationship (she broke up with her cheating boyfriend in July). They met in late July, we broke up in early Aug, by mid Aug they are already dating, early September he told me that they are kind of exclusively seeing each other.

 

The dynamics of their relationship appears to be an exact duplicate of how things were like between us before. Both of them travel a lot of work, and communicate via text and long distance calls. It makes me so mad that it took us 3.5 years to figure out how to make it easy for us to communicate and she is reaping off all the hard work that we've put in. They've been talking, texting, MSNing, Skyping a lot... which is exactly how things were like for us. Only thing is, my trips abroad in the past were for long extended period of time while she is back in the country every couple of days.

 

I don't see how she is a good fit for him. And I am really disappointed in his choice of woman; feeling a tad bit insulted for his "downgrade". I somehow feel that she is manipulating him and indulging in the attention that he's showering her with, stringing him along. I know my ex, he will give it his all to make things work... and I'm really afraid that he isn't seeing the big picture here. She is slightly older than him, less educated than I am, mingles in a different social circle than us, and her past two relationships were with men a lot older than she is (the guys were in their 30s or 40s).

 

Events that led up to our break-up were a series of bad timing. We had a little tiff and decided to take some time off. During that time, I was making my final plans to relocate back (ie. shifting offices, tying up loose ties), but I didn't tell him about it. At that point, I figured it shouldn't be a deciding factor for our relationship. I was strong-headed and stubborn, he attempted contact, but I thought this time apart will serve both of us well. I was so confident of our relationship that I didn't see this time-out as a threat at all.

 

However, on his end, he was tired of the distance and my aloofness. When we finally met and he decided to end things, I told him that I will be relocating back witihin the month. He was mad that I hadn't told him about it, probably thinking that I don't value him enough to inform him about it. He said he felt that he will regret this decision then, but in my state of control and composure, I told him that I understood his decision and he should follow his heart. Even then, I had confidence that we will somehow work things out.

 

It didn't feel like he had planned to end things prior to this. We were making plans for the future. I didn't even think that the girl was a threat to us at all. She had just fell out of a relationship, and was probably seeking comfort and company. And misery loves company. With me, my ex often felt that his opinions weren't valued because I have a really strong character as well. I figured it's easier to play the white knight for a damsel in distress, and him being a Capricorn, enjoyed playing that role. The girl is an Aries, and I think he fell for her too quickly. It's extremely unlike him.

 

I constantly felt that I was the one who forced him to let this relationship go. His dad said that he was extremely distraught during our time apart, but is extremely defensive about this new girl now. I guess a number of people have been telling him that this new relationship isn't healthy for either of them. But he wants to be in control of his decision and wants to prove everyone wrong.

 

Knowing him and his current state of mine, I am taking it slow. I want to show him that I am back and will stand by him. But it hurts me too much, and I can't seem to be a true friend to him if I can't give him my blessings. I'm torn, but determine to make it work. I'm really afraid that I will be stuck in this rut for a long time. I'm tired of putting on a strong facade in front of him and our friends. Yet, I know I can't distant myself from him if I want our relationship back. It feels like I need my presence to be felt.

 

We are still in contact and have met up twice, along with our friends. Things were fine when we were out, there were moments of us exchanging gazes at each other. He often gives me the "Are you alright?" look, and I would smile back at him. However, he will not initiate contact once he's home and on his own. It frustrates me that we can have such a good time together, but he would rather go back to the rut of a half-long-distance-relationship with this girl that he barely knows.

 

I know that they are in a honeymoon phase of their relationship, and there's nothing I can do or say to break them up. He told her that he still wants to be friends with me, and she can understand. At this point, he probably thinks that she is the most understanding person in the world, and he's going gaga over it. It feels like the more I try to spend more time with him, the more bonus points the girl gets. It's like a double-edged sword!

 

Long before the break up, we have arranged to go for a vacation in October with our friends (another couple).The tickets and accommodation are booked, and we are still going ahead with the trip despite the circumstances. It was meant to be a couples retreat, so chances are we will be sharing a bedroom together. Once again, the girl doesn't mind him going on a trip with me, and he is totally in awe with her "understanding" and is really pleased that things didn't blow up in his face. I don't know how things will pan out during the trip. I feel that this week abroad with him by my side will be my chance to pull him back closer to me, for him to realize how good we can be together if given a second chance.

 

But how do I do that? I need him to want me back too.