Sheppy99 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 So my ex that I broke up with in mid august I've been doing NC for close to 3 weeks and starting to feel really good. Haven't looked at the list at all (List of reasons why we're not right for each other etc) I'm doing really good. Waking up in the morning and not dreading going to work because the sight of her will put a knot in my stomach. I've been acting really happy at work and outgoing and everybody has been eager to talk to me again. Feels like things are getting back to normal. I'm really hoping I don't get any messages (emails, texts) from her that could cause me a set back. I feel confident I won't because the reasons we broke up were her partying immature lifestyle so I'm sure she has enough to keep her preoccupied but I also know 3 weeks of NC isn't long enough to feel comfortable with me being out of her head completely. Anyways, that situation is going pretty well and I'm proud of myself for changing my ways and going to the NC almost immediately and doing positive things for myself like gym, going back to university etc. Now here's where all my positive happy attitude has gotten me into trouble. Dumbass me starts thinking about the last time I talked to one of my old ex's that we have a serious history together over. I remembered it was a year and a half ago since we last spoke and because of the bitterness and feelings still between us, us being friends was awful, we would pick at each other etc to the extent that I finally got so pissed and told her "why are we even doing this, we obviously don't like each other, lets just part ways for good" She seemed upset by my comment but agreed I began thinking about it and realized that it wasn't how I really felt and it was hurt feelings and bitterness talking so I emailed her a week ago saying listen, enough time has past where I've been able to see that it was feelings that previously got in the way of us being friends not me having actual ill feelings towards you. I apologize for saying that and I did not mean it, you were someone I cared about a lot which complicated being friends back then. Just a lil back story on us. We haven't dated in almost 3 years. I'm 27 now and I met her when I was 22 and she was 18. I was a much different person then, very cocky and a bit of an ******* if I can say that, lol. She fell for me when I was dating someone else and needless to say I treated her pretty badly for the first year and a half of knowing her. I basically treated her like she wasn't good enough etc. Well funny how life works, I grew up, matured and realized she was an amazing girl. For 2 years I tried to get her back and professed my feelings for her over and over again through every imaginable way you can think of. Sometimes over that 2 year span I would get through to her and she would give me another chance but our relationship would literally last a month or 2 before her bitterness would creep up from how I treated her in the past and it would ruin us. After realizing that there was nothing I could do to make these negative feelings she had for me go away, I gave up. We tried to be friends so many times but it was amazingly awkward at best and would usually end abruptly in a fight cause of the feelings. So that was over a year and a half ago. I feel mildly confident that from my side I can be friends with her minus the knot in my stomach when I talk to her. Yesterday when talking to her I suggested her coming down to my city (she only lives 45 min away) on the weekend of oct 8th cause I'm taking vacation time off from work and it would be cool for us to hang out and catch up as friends. She said that was definitely doable and she would let me know. So our conversation pretty much continued all day yesterday off and on through bbm. The more I stressed how happy I was about us finally being able to be friends without feelings being involved. The more flirtatious she got with me, to the point where she basically started bringing up wild places we had sex back in the day (not going to get graphic, don't worry) lol. So this really caught me off guard. We also briefly talked about like adults for the first time what really happened with us and she opened up to me about why she could never make it "work" when we would get back together after me pouring my heart and soul out to her professing how I've changed and how I realized she was the one. My questions are, why when I genuinely want just friendship with her is she rehashing our past sexual experiences? Why is she open to discussing our past relationship now? She also told me how she's lost faith in guys lately that she hasn't dated a quality guy in a long time. Do you guys think she could finally be coming around or I shouldn't look too far into this. I really don't know how to play this. I don't want to get hooked on her again and I still feel good about us being friends but I also don't want to miss an opportunity with her if she's in her own way presenting one to me. I know it doesn't sound healthy at all but it's honestly helping with my current break up because I'm not focusing on my recent ex anymore. lol. I know that sounds awful. I'll always have a place in my heart for my old ex cause we have such a history together. In the words of my favorite comedy tv show, I wanna make sure I "curb my enthusiasm" lol.
Don Ho Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Come on Bro, you really just want to be friends? You KNOW what's going to happen, you're going to end up in bed. You sure you want to go from the skillet to the frying pan?
Author Sheppy99 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 I know man. You are totally right. If I end up in bed with her, I'll become a total mess of feelings again for her. Is there any point in me being optimistic that after 3 years of not dating that she could possibly be over her negative feelings from almost 5 or 6 years ago? Would just being friends be a way for me to maybe gauge that? I guess I'm playing with fire here and I"m asking you guys on ways I can avoid getting burned. Pretty damn tough This girls always meant a lot to me and I don't know if I can let an opportunity go with her even knowing the chances of success probably aren't the greatest. We've never attempted to rekindle anything after this length of time. They say time heals all wounds. Maybe hers are finally healed. Blah, I'm trying to be as careful as possible but its hard.
Lemontang Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 This is why some people say you should never be friends with an ex. But in saying that I am literally just friends with most of mine that and I'm even forgoing the benefits that I could potentially steer towards, but I don't. I've been there before and in most cases it ain't pretty because one always wants what the other wont give. It's up to you though to steer the ship, so if you genuinely only want to be friends then you need to keep the ship on course. If you've got a past then really you need to expect that you two will talk about it from time to time, but you need to keep it in check that it's the past and sometime reruns on shows we once loved as a kid aren't as good when we're all grown up.
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