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I love hanging out, you're amazing & attractive but can we be friends"

Kiley12

By Kiley12
in Friends and Lovers

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Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

Posted
Posted

Another way of saying 'I'm just not that into you?"

 

This is btw, from a guy I went on a few official dates with and then kept inviting me out to parties and group activities after.

 

He ended up upsetting me after a drunk night out with friends, and told me the next day that he loves hanging out with me and adores me but wants to be my friend. He finds me really attractive and that's why we ended up kissing but his intention is to be friends.

 

We lost touch for awhile and now he's back as a friend (just as a friend! nothing more). If he's said these words before, should I just rule out that we'll never have a chance.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

Yes, that is a safe assumption. Or he may consider you for a FWB arrangement further down the road.

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted
Yes, that is a safe assumption. Or he may consider you for a FWB arrangement further down the road.

 

Highlight.

I have never seen a guy turn down sex in the heat of the moment.

 

If he's telling you he wants to be friends, technically in his terms he could also mean he wouldn't mind sleeping with you, but he would never, ever date you.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

How did he upset you?

 

IME, there's a pattern to these things, with gender being neutral. I choose to view these interactions as intentional or unintentional mind-f*cks, where a person gathers one's interest by flirting, kissing, making out, feigning intimacy, then back-burner's one with the 'friend's' statement. Minimal investment (usually none, as they don't 'feel' anything) with maximum effect. The instructive part is that the proactive party doesn't care what the effect is.

 

A cynical viewpoint, to be sure, but one borne of much life experience.

 

IMO, focus your interest, care and energy on those people who demonstrate clear and unambiguous care and interest. The rest, well, meh, they have their path. Good luck :)

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Kiley12 Member

Kiley12

Posted
  • Author
Posted
How did he upset you?

 

IME, there's a pattern to these things, with gender being neutral. I choose to view these interactions as intentional or unintentional mind-f*cks, where a person gathers one's interest by flirting, kissing, making out, feigning intimacy, then back-burner's one with the 'friend's' statement. Minimal investment (usually none, as they don't 'feel' anything) with maximum effect. The instructive part is that the proactive party doesn't care what the effect is.

 

A cynical viewpoint, to be sure, but one borne of much life experience.

 

IMO, focus your interest, care and energy on those people who demonstrate clear and unambiguous care and interest. The rest, well, meh, they have their path. Good luck :)

 

We were drunk...he made out with me at the party and then I caught him making out with another girl :mad: And thank you -- I have a tendency to focus my energy on the wrong guys..it's good to be reminded.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Thanks. Sometimes people give us gifts. This guy gave you a gift. The gift of truth. His actions were truthful. We each have a choice of how we process the truth. Sounds like you made a good choice in your case. Best wishes :)

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