Walking away...

[sarahbaby75]

After nearly a year of an emotional rollarcoaster, with the guy i loved more than anyone ever before i finally left him. We had been together on and off for years, but made a proper go of it since the beginning of the year, after a break up at the beginning of the summer which broke my heart, we got back together after missing each other too much. Two close friends of mine fell out with me over getting back with him, which made me feel awful that i was put in the position to choose between anyone, but i know they were looking out for me.

 

Since we got back, we decided to work on the problems that we had in the past, and where i was putting in an effort he wasn;t. And would stay out all night, "lose his phone" "have no battery left" or "leave it somewhere"... Last weekend i told him i couldnt do this anymore, as one night he was meant to be seeing me and i told him if he decided to go out instead to just let me know, which he didnt, so i txt him saying "i cant do this anymore" he came to get me and i told him i wasn't putting up with all this again. He promised he wouldnt do it, because hes so lucky to be bac with me etc etc, and he would never want to be with anyone else. I loved him, more than anything, so gave him the benefit of the doubt.

 

The next weekend he turned his phone off for the night, no contact the next day i saw him, and couldn't stay mad... but i felt i was being walked all over. He said he didnt have his phone on him, didnt now where it was, "lost it somewhere when he was drunk" and wanted to go to dinner and the cinema that night and to contact him on his brothers no later that night, i never heard from him... the next day i called him and he apologised said that he fell asleep the second he got it etc etc, that night i went to his and finally walked away, i ended things, i had been to look like enough of a fool already. It broke my heart breaking up with him, he was my everything. this is the first day not speaking to him in forever, and its hard. I deleted his no, and called one of his friends to try and talk to him, but he doesnt want to speak. Noone has ever broken up with him before, and i think he has taken it badly, and the fact that he never would imagine me to stick up to him and take a stand for myself. He emotionally abused me, and there would be rules for him, and different rules for me. He would make me feel bad for the smallest things, when he would leave me crying, and apoligising to him for things that i hadnt even done wrong. I was a confident independant woman before this. All i can keep thinking is him getting in touch with his ex, to annoy me... as last week she tried to contact him and he knew i wasnt happy about it.

 

My head is so confused right now, i need any advice i can get. Thank you for taking the time to read this! Sorry it's so long!

 

xx

[xpaperxcutx]

First of all stick to NC.

 

Remind yourself why you chose to walk away from someone who lacked regard and respect for you as a person.

 

Stepping out of a relationship isn't easy. I read in a book that relationships make us more co-dependent, especially since we do invest copious amounts of energy to make it work. a relationship such as yours can also be compared to a slot machine syndrome. The appeal of it is that it's addicting provided you invest money in hopes of future returns. The slot machine does what it does best, taking alot and giving a little in return to keep you hooked.

 

Maybe your ex has a few good traits but his bad outshone all of them. If you saw through his behaviour, you shouldn't feel ashamed that you chose the more positive path of leaving him.

[Caradavine]

I've been going through the "I fell asleep", "my phone died", and even the best combination, "I fell asleep on my phone and it eventually died" for our three-year relationship. I have been very distrusting of him for many of these things. He works way later than he should every night, too. We are not together anymore, though we are supposedly trying again, and the behavior has not changed. However, being a bit more proactive, I have checked on him many times during and after the relationship and from what I can tell, he was being honest the entire time. I have never caught him doing anything other than what he said, except recently he said he was sick and canceled our date, but I knew he was lying. I found him upstairs drunk; he just wanted a day on his own to drink and play games, to which I informed him that he only needed to tell me that and I would have been fine with it. I mean, why lie about something so trivial? I am not sure of the reasons for his behavior, and I can't begin to even guess, but I am sure that he is telling me the truth. So, it is possible that he is telling you the truth, no matter how odd it may be in your mind. I guess the problem would be figuring out if you are ok with coming second, and I am glad you chose not to. I, on the other hand, am semi-happily resting at third to his job and video games because I would rather be that than nothing. He never has (and probably never will) worked on his problems, either, while fully expecting me to change things about how I act, interact, and handle things. I found out my man most likely has Asperger's, which made things a bit easier for me because they can sometimes act/think as children do, emotionally (disclaimer to readers: I didn't say all and I'm not some autism bigot). Anyway, I have been told that men will never change. Truthfully, they should not have to change and neither should you. I think you made a strong, good choice for yourself. It might or might not mean things are over, but from my personal experience he may need a long time away from you to figure out what is going on in his heart. If he can't put you somewhere up where first is, then he most likely never will (I say that from experience, too). So, make sure you are truly okay with how things were and will be before you return; it would be unfair to expect him not to be who he is and vice versa. I guess that is the definition of incompatibility? Best of luck, though, and keep strong! You can do it! Just remember that things are not always what they seem to be just because they would mean that for you.