Angel1111 Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 I don't know my husband and I have been together 9 years now no cheating or divorcing. I have never been happier Then I stand corrected. For the OP's friend, I still think it would be a disaster because she doesn't want to get married and is lying to people about the man's age. She's apparently having second-thoughts about the whole thing and it won't have a good end result if she caves in and marries him. I hear about SO many cases where older men marry women who are a lot younger than them, with heartbreaking results. My sister has a business where she comes into contact with a lot of these situations for some reason - that's why I hear about them so much. Most of the time, it's a mistake.
Holding-On Posted October 2, 2010 Posted October 2, 2010 I have a daughter. She is nearly 1, so a bit early to be worrying about her dating just yet. Of course I want the best for her- I want her to grow up happy and healthy and for her to have rich life experiences. I don't want her to be hurt or sad- chances are she may be at times. I can't live her life for her, or make her choices for her. If she started dating a person twice her age, if he treated her well and loved her, then I would try to accept it. I would rather she ended up with a 40 year old gentleman than a 25 year old scumbag that abused her. I think if you try to make peoples life choices for them you just end up pushing them away. As hard as it is, sometimes you have to let your friends/ loved ones make their own mistakes and learn from them. I agree that you have worded this best. The red flags here are that 1)she is lying and 2)for some unknown reason he is so desperate for marriage. As a friend I'd be more concerned about these things. It isn't automatically evil for a 42 year old (one who can pass for 29 at that!) to be dating a 23 year old. Not if there is no coercion on either part. This is a separate issue from how successful wide age gap marriages might be compared to conventional ones. However, if she is lying about such a thing then she is not really grown up enough yet for marriage and certainly not with him. So why does he want to tie the knot with her so bad? Is he just crazy in love with her or is he trying to get her to commit before she can figure out some serious flaws he is packing? As a friend I'd be advising my friend to figure this out. Also I would not lie to her parents if it comes up (and I'd let her know I wouldn't) but I would not go out and parent her by meddling either.
Author BlackLovely Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 (edited) If she ends up marrying a guy her own age I can basically guarantee you she'll end up divorced in 10 years. :laugh::D:D Wow, this is such a strange conclusion to come to! Edited October 3, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author BlackLovely Posted October 3, 2010 Author Posted October 3, 2010 Thank you for all of your responses. As usual, most of your words were honest and kind, save for some idiotic and mean sprited comments. My friend and I live like sisters. We are very close and with this bond comes the right to an opinion. I have no issues with my "sister" sharing what she thinks about choices I make, even if it is not what I want to hear. Also, if someone volunteers information and actively seeks my advice, what is wrong with being concerned and speaking from the heart? I wait for people to ask me what I think, or share what they want to, before I give my two cents. If people don't want to know what I believe, they certainly shouldn't ask!
sb129 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 If someone you know volunteers information and is actively seeking your advice, AND if you are really close to them- be honest. Years ago a good friend of mine was considering an affair. I was horrified, and told her so- and I think it gave her the reality check she needed. She didn't do it.
bentnotbroken Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I think it's nasty and would discourage it even if they weren't living at home.
Dean M. Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I'm a father of 8, and my initial reaction is one of extreme caution. While I don't think age is necessarily an issue, I realize it can be. This sounds to me like your friend is more interested in a father-figure, and that's not healthy. That aside, I'll assume there's no unhealthy father issues going on and she just has a thing for older men. I don't see that as a problem. Her hiding it from her parents, however is. Him hiding that from her parents is a huge red flag. It strikes me as he's not a man of character, and based on that I would have HUGE issues with a friend (or my own daughter) seeing a guy like that. If he's hiding things from the parents, what's he willing to hide from her?
eerie_reverie Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 At 24, I don't think 43 is that old. I feel like past a certain point (probably entry to work force) we're all adults, with similar preoccupations and problems. Of course there are girls in their twenties who might as well be 19, but I personally feel like those days are long over for me. I have more in common with the 35+ crew than the 18-22. If the attraction is there and they're on the same page about the relationship, I don't see what the problem is.
karaann07 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Um, I haven't read all of the threads, but can I just ask one question... why isn't she allowed to DATE this man? She doesn't want to get married, she said so herself... but she's still allowed to date, yes? If he wants to be married, and she's stringing him along, then, to me, THAT is the real problem. Ultimately, it doesn't matter if anyone likes the idea of her marrying this guy or having a long term relationship with him, because she doesn't seem to want to!
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