rainman1974 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Ok so i work with my ex so the no contact thing is hard to do as she sits two seats away. She phoned in sick today and i texted her!! I mean come on, what's wrong with me?? Why can't i let go?? It's making me so sad and yet i continue to do these things.. She did reply, but not with much joy and more or less about her... It made me feel bad afterwards and then i started imagining that her new boyfriend was with her and is with her now.. She's not good for me, she's never been trustworthy and she used me for nights out when it suited her after we broke up. We did have lots of good times and i miss them, but that's not a good enough reason for me to continue in this way. I fancy the pants of her and really have an urge to kiss her. Yet nothing can come of it except pain and misery and i still chase. I still continue and i just can't seem to stop. What is wrong with me?? Does anyone know?? How can i stop?? Am i just shallow? Do i like to be sad?? People say to just ignore her but i can't. I can't just sit there see and hear her everyday and ignore her. I mean i can't even ignore her when she wasn't there today.. i miss her kisses. We were only kissing last wednesday.. What do i do?? Agghhh, it is so frustrating!
onthebrinkofitall Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 You don't have a mental problem. You're in love with someone who's just not in love with you. I know that's hard to hear.. believe me, I've only just learned to accept it myself. The only thing I can tell you to do is what I've been doing myself.. get some self-help books, see a therapist if need be, go out with friends who will be supportive of YOU during this time.. pick up some hobbies. I recently got on Paxil.. and I've found it helps quite a bit. It's an anti-depressant but it's also used for obsessive thinking.. which is what I was doing, and it sounds like that's what you're doing too. I don't recommend drinking.. that never turns out well. Keep posting.. it does help somehow. Sometimes it just feels good to know that you're not crazy.. that other people are going through the same things.. and believe me, other people most certainly are.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I'm afraid there's only one solution. One or the other has to leave that work place. Once a workplace affair has happened and it ends badly, it doen't ever end COMPLETTELY until the one or the other or both have changed their whole environments. Been there. It ain't fun to wonder if, for instance, she has that hickey just to knife me or is her boyfriend trying to knife me? or are they both trying to knife me? or neither cares that I exist. Ya see? Everything has all of these complicated possible implications when it's in your face--AND it gets even a lot worse if anyone in the workplace knows about it. Good luck.
Ajax Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I'm afraid there's only one solution. One or the other has to leave that work place. Yup. I dated a girl I worked with once, and after we broke up she strung me along for a year. I didn't start to heal until she left the company.
Author rainman1974 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 I believe you. I really think i have to leave, but i can't. I have looked at other options and there is such a large pay decrease that it would kill me financially. It really isn't an option, otherwise i would. I've asked my boss if i can move seats (i made up a reason) and he said no. He wants the team together and we are a small team. He has very valid reasons.. So i'm basically screwed. It has helped typing this on here though, as i'm not so glum, i will even eat (i tend to lose my appetite in these situations) !! so thanks for responding.. Oh and i also get angry with her!! Why not choose me!! Damn u .
Cee Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 You are not crazy. Having an ex in the next office is a nightmare. That happened to me and for the next year I was pulling my hair out. I hated him more than anyone I've ever dated because I had to see his face every day. I remember when someone told me he was leaving the job, I shouted "Yes!" That felt like the happiest day of my life. I did a happy dance when he left. It's basically a standoff. Either she goes or you go. I know you can't leave. Give it a little time. Hopefully, she'll scurry off to a new job.
Author rainman1974 Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 I don't hate her at all. I should do as she hasn't treated me great recently. It's very strange that when she pulls away i tend to chase harder. I have to go to work soon and my first thought this morning is of seeing her . I need to try and be strong today and just ignore her but it saddens me so much. I hope she phones in sick again, so i can NOT TEXT her today. But i have a feeling she will come in and act as if i'm just another colleague.. I wish i could leave, she wont and i get to see her texting her new man all day .. Damn NEVER date someone from work, ever..
HeavenOrHell Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I know you said you can't leave that job, but you are going to be miserable all the time you're still there, it would do most peoples' head in. Your sanity needs to come first.
Author rainman1974 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Yes i'm going to be miserable. I do hide it from my work colleagues though so they shouldn't be too bothered about my misery. I managed to give her some fruit and a bar of chocolate yesterday so my no contact is going really well! I tend to feel better in the evening but the mornings are really hard. Right now i'm dreading going in and yet will be happy to see her. I just have to get through this and i just don't know how.. Maybe they will sack me, that would be the best option..
Caradavine Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 I wouldn't give her a damned thing, no fruit or chocolate. She can obviously manage on her own, can't she? I don't mean to sound callous, but being nice to her is only going to keep that fire of hope alive in your heart. Don't be mean to her, either, but just be civil enough to speak when spoken to and depart if the conversation is going a bad way. Be the bigger person here. If you have to work with her and you have to sit by her (although, unless the team only consists of two of you, I can't see why you and someone else can't at least switch seats so you're further away), then make the best of it by faking that it doesn't matter at all. Ignore her and think of it as some form of revenge, if you have to. Don't be surprised if she starts wanting to contact you then, but don't be fooled by it, either. PS - It doesn't sound like you are mentally unsound; you are just as normal as the rest of us when dealing with crazy, painful situations like this.
Author rainman1974 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Yes at work now and have given her no fruit .. She doesn't care i'm sure.. She does look hot today i'm afraid to say, makes me want to talk to her but i wont!! She is seeing someone else.. what the hell can i do with that? I hope she does contact me soon Carvadine, but doubt it. Although we are supposed to be going out not this weekend but the next. I'm sure she will cancel and i'm also pretty certain i shouldn't go anyway. I want to ask her if we are still doing it but i can't as if she says no i will just crumble... and of course i deserve better but i so want to be with her.. Sorry guys i find typing this stuff out on here helps me a bit, so thanks for your feedback and patience. I really do appreciate it..
Author rainman1974 Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 me again, sorry to keep going on but i just can't help myself!! I went out for dinner with some people from work and texted her to let her know to keep her in the loop, of course she ignored me because she is with her fella.. i cracked and sent her another message saying that i'm fed up with being ignored etc, nothing nasty mind, she can of course ignore me if she wants but i think i sent it to point out that she ignores me too often.. i now regret it.. but i think it needed to be said, so that when i ignore her at work she will know why.. Does that makes sense?? It's like i feel i have to be nice to her to prove that i care about her and maybe this will help to get over her.. to show that i'm not happy at all with being second fiddle and that i've had enough.. God i feel so pathetic.. I really do..
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