Is this seriously my idea of "coping?"

[onthebrinkofitall]

So last night I got to be an extra in a movie, as I posted about before. Well, after the shoot.. I went out with another girl who was there and we had some drinks. I "happened" to run into my STBXH.. and I'd had quite a few drinks by that point.. and well, I ended up cussing him up and down and right before I walked out the door, I said, "F*** you!" and slapped him across the face.. hard.

 

Now, I'm not blaming the alcohol by any means.. after all, it was me who willingly tipped those bottles and shot glasses into my mouth but I most certainly would not have behaved this way if I were sober. So today, I woke up with a terrible hangover and a heart full of regret as well. I simply can't take this back.. and no apology is good enough for that kind of behavior.

 

I wonder, did I do this subconciously so things would be so bad between us that there is no possible way we could ever get back together? Or was it just the ridiculous actions of a drunken woman? Either way, I feel like a complete idiot and an awful person at this point. I was doing so well.. or I thought I was.

[anna100]

I know it shouldn't... but your post made me smile.

Once I drunk quite a bit and bumped into my ex whilst we were outside playing football. He had hurt me quite a bit and did some childish flirting by throwing a ball at me. I was so fed up with him that without thinking I punched him in the face!... and knocked out a tooth.

It was one hell of a wierd, silent, awkward moment AND very unlike me. I know that there was a lot of hatred I had stored up for him ...he broke my heart.

 

Now we are friends (a few years later!) and I met up with him the other day and had a lovely day. I didn't bring up the face punch but I am sure if I did he would have laughed.

I promise that one day you to will laugh about that night.

[ShannonMI]

So last night I got to be an extra in a movie, as I posted about before. Well, after the shoot.. I went out with another girl who was there and we had some drinks. I "happened" to run into my STBXH.. and I'd had quite a few drinks by that point.. and well, I ended up cussing him up and down and right before I walked out the door, I said, "F*** you!" and slapped him across the face.. hard.

 

Now, I'm not blaming the alcohol by any means.. after all, it was me who willingly tipped those bottles and shot glasses into my mouth but I most certainly would not have behaved this way if I were sober. So today, I woke up with a terrible hangover and a heart full of regret as well. I simply can't take this back.. and no apology is good enough for that kind of behavior.

 

I wonder, did I do this subconciously so things would be so bad between us that there is no possible way we could ever get back together? Or was it just the ridiculous actions of a drunken woman? Either way, I feel like a complete idiot and an awful person at this point. I was doing so well.. or I thought I was.

What's that saying? A drunk tongue speaks the truth? Or something along those lines? I think this is what happened with you. You got drunk and acted out. Yes, it may have been a little dramatic, but you have to admit it felt kind of good to say, "f*ck you!" and smack him across the face, right? It's probably what you've been wanting to do all along and the alcohol acted as liquid courage, so to speak. Don't be too hard on yourself. From reading your past posts, I think your ex probably deserved what he got.

[onthebrinkofitall]

Haha.. thanks guys! It actually did feel pretty good.. but I just know that deep down, that was not the mature thing to do. But it's hard to be a responsible adult all the time!

 

I hope I do look back on this day and laugh.. and I hope it's soon!