TVguy Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I have been reading a lot on this board over the past few months and I think most of the posts are about affairs that just one of the AP are married. Are there a lot of us that both people in the A are married? I am a MM and just recently start NC with my MOW. We have been together for almost 3 years and she has finally made the decision that she just can't leave her M right now. We are trying NC on her wishes to see if this is really what she wants and can do. She has tried a couple of other times and only lasted about 24hrs or so before coming right back. This breakup happened last Friday...and I haven't heard from her at all. We would normally talk or text on the weekend when we could, but for sure we talked every morning on the way to work....during our lunch and then after work. We would talk for 2-4 hours everyday and see each other every week or two. We live about an hour away and no DDay ever occured for either of us. I have thought about ways to let it slip because I believe if DDay happened....she would get past the hardest part....which she told me was telling him and actually doing it. But I want her to want this....not be forced into it. I am obviously upset and sad about the prospect of never seeing or talking to her again....more from a friend and relationship standpoint. I believe we were truly in love...but if she doesn't come back...then I guess I was wrong. Anyone others like me....I would be interested in talking online or PM.
Mimolicious Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I have been reading a lot on this board over the past few months and I think most of the posts are about affairs that just one of the AP are married. Are there a lot of us that both people in the A are married? I am a MM and just recently start NC with my MOW. We have been together for almost 3 years and she has finally made the decision that she just can't leave her M right now. We are trying NC on her wishes to see if this is really what she wants and can do. She has tried a couple of other times and only lasted about 24hrs or so before coming right back. This breakup happened last Friday...and I haven't heard from her at all. We would normally talk or text on the weekend when we could, but for sure we talked every morning on the way to work....during our lunch and then after work. We would talk for 2-4 hours everyday and see each other every week or two. We live about an hour away and no DDay ever occured for either of us. I have thought about ways to let it slip because I believe if DDay happened....she would get past the hardest part....which she told me was telling him and actually doing it. But I want her to want this....not be forced into it. I am obviously upset and sad about the prospect of never seeing or talking to her again....more from a friend and relationship standpoint. I believe we were truly in love...but if she doesn't come back...then I guess I was wrong. Anyone others like me....I would be interested in talking online or PM. Uh? If you wanted her to "want" something then it's not so second nature at that point. Obviously your M is over. Are you filing for divorce and moving out? Telling your W how you want OW to want things with your can be a start. Line up your ducks (whatever those may be at this point) before jumping soooo ahead of yourself or else you will crash and burn. I am sure you have seen that a lot, around here.
September Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hi, I was an OW to a MM and we were both married (I am no longer). You can get an idea of what happened from some threads that I have started if you like...and you are more than welcome to ask any further questions.
carhill Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 she has finally made the decision that she just can't leave her M right now Great truth. Go with that. Focus on your M and decide if it's a go or leave, regardless of what she's doing. Don't feed her ego by engaging her one minute further. 'She *can't* leave her M right now'. Man, that's honest. Go with that. Good luck
Gfkr2 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 TvGuy, I am a BH who is getting a divorce after my StbxW had an A with a MM. I think once the A was discovered and we decided there no hope of recincilliation, she felt tremendous relief that her world didn't come to an end, that her parents and siblings did not disown her and some (not all) friends remained loyal. Most importantly being discovered gave her what she wanted which was the opportunity to go all in with her MM. Whether he wants all in with her remains a question that doesn't concern me. I am over the bitterness and can honestly see your point as a BS about wanting to force dday after having such a close relationship with your AP. I think if I were in the same position as you I would want to be with the AP and force dday with someone whom you have a connection. Good luck.
Heather1 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 We're both still M, no dday. My H knows, wants to stay married & his W has no clue who I am. We're "off" right now, based on his guilt & he tells me he loves his wife. A few weeks ago he told me I should leave my H though? We're both all over the map all the time. A break helps....I do it all the time. It's hard to think clearly when you're leashed to your cell & so attracted!! I'm beginning to think the answer is to NC both OM & H for a few weeks. If I did divorce, I doubt OM & I would be together.
LadyDi Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Currently NC with the A 99.9% over. Both MM and I are M. Don't force a D-Day, huge mistake. I'd be happy to PM or chat, there are several things you do not want to do.......
Author TVguy Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Hi LadyDi I would love to chat or PM....I haven't done either before on here. What is the best way. I would love to talk and hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks
Mimolicious Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hi LadyDi I would love to chat or PM....I haven't done either before on here. What is the best way. I would love to talk and hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. Thanks You're a new member you wont have PM till you reach the time frame or amount of post or you can ditch out and pay the membership fee.
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 For the love of God, tell your W. It is so unfair your W is in a loveless M. Don't you care even just a little bit about what this is doing to her?
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