Butchannon Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Today I was at "counseling" by social worker. She said to me that good father doesn't fight for his child in the courts but is happy wherever his child is just to see he is OK. She said that good lawyer could reach full custody on courts for me but she thinks that would mean me and my lawyer are personally disordered and that if I wanted to sue her I should have looked at the interest of a child and stop my lawyer for going too far. I said good father fights for his child but she thinks it is better for child to stay with mum even if she has been cheating. She thinks our daughter doesn't care if her momie cheats. She also says my parents don't have right to see their grandchild and that they take appropriate step to go to social worker for custody/child support as soon as I told her to leave and that there was nothing to talk about. She thinks I am cruel to tell mother with child to leave and that she suggests me that I could have feelings of anger but I should have these feelings in control and not take actions under their influence. I think it is just weird.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Is this social worker a friend of your wifes? Sheesh she is nuts. Get someone new.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 where are you? From some of your word usage, I'd guess the UK, so I'm not sure what laws are regarding child custody. That said, I think the social worker if full of crap because she's not looking at your baby's best interest, just trying to foster a sense of helpless victim on the mom's behalf. Time to hook up with someone more in tune with the times, who isn't intent on punishing Dad just because he's not a chick like her.
Author Butchannon Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 where are you? I am from Slovenia (country between Italy, Austria, Hungary and Croatia). It is a country from ex-Yugoslavia.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Today I was at "counseling" by social worker. She said to me that good father doesn't fight for his child in the courts but is happy wherever his child is just to see he is OK. She said that good lawyer could reach full custody on courts for me but she thinks that would mean me and my lawyer are personally disordered and that if I wanted to sue her I should have looked at the interest of a child and stop my lawyer for going too far. I said good father fights for his child but she thinks it is better for child to stay with mum even if she has been cheating. although I think cheating should be taken into consideration with regards to custody, sorry to say.....it doesn't matter one iota. but sounds like a female counselor defending her fellow woman. She thinks our daughter doesn't care if her mommie cheats. She also says my parents don't have right to see their grandchild and that they take appropriate step to go to social worker for custody/child support as soon as I told her to leave and that there was nothing to talk about. thats complete bulls##t, your counselor is a quack and is totally on the side of your cheating wife. She thinks I am cruel to tell mother with child to leave and that she suggests me that I could have feelings of anger but I should have these feelings in control and not take actions under their influence. I think it is just weird. fire this hack
Silly_Girl Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I do not like what you were told AT ALL, and I know there's a lot of it that fathers have to take and no one reacts. if a mother was told that all hell would break loose. Does this person's opinion have any weight/influence in anything you are trying to achieve? Or on your life in general?
Author Butchannon Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Does this person's opinion have any weight/influence in anything you are trying to achieve? Or on your life in general? No, it doesn't have any influence. I think I would sue her only sooner because of that.
Owl Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Butch- Realize that most of us responding to your posts are American. So our advice is based on our knowledge/experience within that frame of reference. You need to make sure that you know your country/state/city laws on divorce and custody, and proceed accordingly. Can you request a different social worker because you believe that this one appears to be biased against you?
Author Butchannon Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Butch- Realize that most of us responding to your posts are American. So our advice is based on our knowledge/experience within that frame of reference. You need to make sure that you know your country/state/city laws on divorce and custody, and proceed accordingly. Can you request a different social worker because you believe that this one appears to be biased against you? I was there just for suggestion and I don't think I will collaborate with her in the future. Our law generally says child has a right for both parents. Visitations with parent who doesn't live with child must be established. If another parent doesn't make visitations possible it is a criminal act and in that case he/she can lose custody. Parent who doesn't live with child could sue for custody and he/she has to prove that living with him/her is in child's best interest. A lot of childs automatically get mothers.
turnera Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 She thinks our daughter doesn't care if her momie cheats. I think that she will LEARN to cheat from watching her mommy.
TinaniT Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Wait, are you trying to take all custody from the mother or just fighting for visitation? Affairs typically do not affect custody- they can affect division of assets and alimony, but not custody or child support. As heard from several lawyers. **Wait, just saw you are not from the United States. I have no clue what the laws are there. I definitely don't think fighting for your kids is a bad thing, especially if it's just for your rightful visitation. Dragging your kids through a nasty divorce when it can be avoided is distasteful though. imho
lilbunny Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I am sorry you are having a hard time. Usually in the UK a social worker wouldn't be involved in your situation unless the child was at risk in someway, so I am guessing your set up is very different. The family court here is obliged to act in the interests of the child in all cases. How old is your child? If they are old enough to articulate what they want it is important they are heard. However angry you are feeling toward your W is there any way you could avoid this turning into a war zone and reach an amicable agreement? I say this not for the benefit of your W, but for any children involved.
wicar1 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Today I was at "counseling" by social worker. She said to me that good father doesn't fight for his child in the courts but is happy wherever his child is just to see he is OK. She said that good lawyer could reach full custody on courts for me but she thinks that would mean me and my lawyer are personally disordered and that if I wanted to sue her I should have looked at the interest of a child and stop my lawyer for going too far. I said good father fights for his child but she thinks it is better for child to stay with mum even if she has been cheating. She thinks our daughter doesn't care if her momie cheats. She also says my parents don't have right to see their grandchild and that they take appropriate step to go to social worker for custody/child support as soon as I told her to leave and that there was nothing to talk about. She thinks I am cruel to tell mother with child to leave and that she suggests me that I could have feelings of anger but I should have these feelings in control and not take actions under their influence. I think it is just weird. Was your wife cheating with the social worker .... She's sick... sue her...take custody of your kid...atleast your child can grow up to be a better person...not like her mom
D-Lish Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I think all your social worker is trying to impart to you is to make sure you don't punish your child for your wife's mistakes. It's hard to think clearly and make good decisions for the child when you're mad at your ex-wife. The role of a counsellor is to make you see things you might not be able to see for yourself given your situation. This applies to your wife as well. Just because she's angry with you doesn't mean keeping you from your child or grandparents is good for the child. A custody battle will impact your child negatively- there is no way around that. You really do have to think long and hard before engaging a lengthy custody battle. Not to say you shouldn't seek custody- but don't use your child as a pawn to get back at your ex. You have to think "above" the anger you have for your ex and focus on the child. It's possible you misread your counsellor's intentions. I'd counsel anyone in a divorce to decide the very best course of action keeping only the child's best interests in mind. Kids will fare better when divorced parents make good decisions together despite the animosity that exists between the adults.
michaelhopes Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 That social worker is an idiot....... Did you mention to her that your ex is a web cam whore and screws everything that moves? Yeah.....perfect environment for a child to grow up in......
lilbunny Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 That social worker is an idiot....... Did you mention to her that your ex is a web cam whore and screws everything that moves? Yeah.....perfect environment for a child to grow up in...... If the child is aware and exposed to these things I agree totally, however if this is something that happens away from the home or when the child isn't around it wouldn't really be relevant to a custody case. The child's wishes and welfare i.e. are their needs being met, are they safe are what the court would consider here. I hate to say it but being a crap wife doesn't necessarily make you a crap parent. This child more than likely loves this parent and a bitter and drawn out battle really is a very negative experience for all concerned. Is there any hope of reaching an agreement on access and residence?
lostsunsets Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 write a complaint to child services about this lady. Go forward with legal action. Get custody. Your wife is a skank and will ruin your daughters life.
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