VanDutch Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 So my wifes best friend lives over 500 miles away and they went to High School together. They lost touch for years but found each other on myspace. Her friend is married with two kids and one of them is an infant. For the past few years her family has been meeting up with ours once or twice a year when they come to town. I first met her out at a lake on a vacation. I was immediately attracted to her and she was nice but showed no interest in me. That was 3 years ago. Recently (meaning this year) I've been having marriage problems. My wife went to her for support and spent hours on the phone with her talking about me and our marriage problems looking for advice. Somehow I got caught up in the conversations when I would just text her to say hi and she would talk to me about how my wife feels and how I need to work on my marriage. So in this process we ended up talking a lot and became really good friends. We got to know each other well. The physical attraction for me has always been there but I became infatuated with her personality and inteligence. She is an ICU nurse and I am a Paramedic. We eventually developed feelings for each other and let each other know how we felt. But we knew we were both married with kids and it wasn't right. And still we continued talking everyday and started sending pictures of ourselves until the question was brought up...would you sleep me if you had the chance? We both agreed that we couldn't say until we were in that situation. Some time later she came down to stay with us because we were going on a river trip together. She came down a day before her husband and kid (she was 6 months pregnant with the infant she has now). I picked her up from the airport and we had some flirting and banter between us on the drive home. Before I got to my house I pulled over and said I think we needed to kiss to see if there is the chemistry we are feeling. So we did and it was everything I thought it would be. We went to my place and played the "I'm not interested in you" game. The next morning my wife took my two boys to her mom's house to drop something off. We were left alone to shower and get ready to leave in a couple hours. Well of course we ended up sleeping with each other for the first time. It was so nice and sexy and spontaneous. We went on through the day like nothing was different but would catch each others eye and smile from time to time. We were at the river for a week and I had sex with her again against a wall in the public showers at the campground while our spouses and kids were back at the trailer. She left back home after that trip but we kept up our phone conversations. Ever since then she has found reasons to fly down and stay with us to visit my wife as a good friend should. But all the while I would sneak down stairs at night to my couch where she would sleep and have sex with her while everyone was sleeping. She would also come down and stay with me while my wife was out of town. So after all this progression in our relationship, we are at a point now where we are in love with each other. Our feelings are so strong for each other and we want to leave our spouses so we can be together. She was pregnant when we started this so now she has a 6 week old baby. We both have 2 boys now. Mine are 9 and 6 and hers are 6 and 6 weeks. She says she has been unhappy in her marriage for a while but was just setteling because she thought there wasn't anyone else out there. I'm the same way...unhappy in marriage but content and thinking of what's best for my kids. We both come from divorced parents so we know the impact. We have both done counseling with our spouses to try and "fix" things. But the fact remains that we love them but aren't in love with them anymore. We are in love with each other. It's not just sex, it's everything about this woman that I love. I could and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She has been married for 5 years and I have for 7. She at this point moved out to live with her mom and I am still with my wife playing nice for the kids. Neither of them know or suspect an affair. But my wife has become very aware of how we look at each other and flirt when she's around. So now she doesn't want me around her anymore. Her husband is oblivious but has asked her before if we have a crush on each other. So my question is this...when is a good time to leave? Should I stay for the kids and continue this secret relationship with my girlfriend or separate from my wife and deal with the hell she will bring down on me in the process. I love my kids and I don't want to lose them. But I know my wife, and she is unreasonable. Even if she never finds out about me sleeping with her best friend...she will take me for everything. I do know for sure though that I love this woman and I want nothing more than to be with her and make our relationship known...just after we're divorced. Any advice?
Darren Steez Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Haha you say your wife is unreasonable, what do you want her to understand, you slept with her best friend while she was pregnant, the two people she trusts the most!! But I'm sure she'll understand if you explain your love.
Owl Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Well, if you know that regardless of anything you're gonna get taken for everything...what difference does the "when" make? Tell your wife the truth, today. Get your stuff together and start working on that divorce. It's not going to get easier later.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 So my question is this...when is a good time to leave? the sooner the better. otherwise all you are doing is robbing years off your wife's life, years she could be using to rebuild her life and find someone decent. Should I stay for the kids and continue this secret relationship with my girlfriend nope, staying for the kids is never the right answer IMO. I couldn't stay for my kids and be a miserable father, but then again, I was the BS. or separate from my wife and deal with the hell she will bring down on me in the process. you say that as if she isn't entitled to brind the wrath down on you. I love my kids and I don't want to lose them. you won't lose them. you'll be a weekend dad, which should be enough for you since you are the one that wants to mess around with someone other than their mother. and if you look at it as losing them, you should have thought about that before. But I know my wife, and she is unreasonable. oh but of course she is:rolleyes: doesn't have a thing to do with you and your character does it? Even if she never finds out about me sleeping with her best friend...she will take me for everything. no, she won't. she is entitled to half of all marital assets and debt accumulated during your marriage. and she is entitled to a set percentage for child support. unless you agree to give her more, she is only entitled to that which is set by law. I do know for sure though that I love this woman and I want nothing more than to be with her and make our relationship known...just after we're divorced. Any advice? yes, get an attorney and start the divorce proceedings. Set your wife free from you and deal with the consequences of your actions. You will be a weekend dad, accept it. I am, but then again, I was the BS. set her free from you now. any delay is you robbing her of precious short years on this planet.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 damn. Yep your wife will be unreasonable and so will your girlfriends husband. You slept with this woman the first time when she was 6 MONTHS pregnant and then continued it throughout the whole pregnancy? Tell your wife now. End the charade. She will get nothing more than she should rightly get. That's what the courts are for. You and the girlfriend will be villainized though and rightly so...
BB07 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I almost lost my breakfast when you said your wife was "unreasonable". You just think she is unreasonable now, just wait until she finds out that HER husband has been sleeping with her BEST friend. I'm amazed at how you've deluded yourself into thinking this could ever have a happy ending and you are asking for advice and your biggest concern seems to be that she will take everything. This is going to turn around on you and the truth will come out and it's gonna bite you very hard in the azz, and yeah you are going to deserve it, but sadly your wife and kids don't deserve it.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I almost lost my breakfast when you said your wife was "unreasonable". You just think she is unreasonable now, just wait until she finds out that HER husband has been sleeping with her BEST friend. I'm amazed at how you've deluded yourself into thinking this could ever have a happy ending and you are asking for advice and your biggest concern seems to be that she will take everything. This is going to turn around on you and the truth will come out and it's gonna bite you very hard in the azz, and yeah you are going to deserve it, but sadly your wife and kids don't deserve it. This is actually a perfect example of what some people like to call the fog. This guy is so "in Love" with his wifes married best friend that all he can see is sunshine and roses and everything being fine except his wife being unreasonable. His "love" is blinding him to the repercussions of all this. The happy little fog will come to a screeching halt when they are discovered and he sees what he has done to his wife. When he has shown his wife that the two people she trusted most in her life proceeded to tear her heart out. If you can't trust your husband and your bestfriend who can you trust? You screwed up big time VanDutch and the only way to fix this is to leave your wife NOW.
2sure Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Better to man up and get a divorce right now. Better for your children to do it now, better for your wife to do it before she finds out on her own, and ultimately better for you. You might want to take a moment for self reflection - you brought this all down on your wife and kids ALREADY. Its done. Blaming your wife for any hell that comes into it when you leave her...is just small . When she finds out she was going to MC with you to try to fix the marriage WHILE you were still in the process of breaking it up...she will right in feeling twice betrayed. When she finds out you have been banging the woman she looks to for support, a woman she invites into her home...she really wont have much left. Your wife will move forward, but you have to allow her to do that just as you have.
JustJoe Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Dayum Dude, You f**ked her best "friend", when she was 6 months preggo, and you think YOUR WIFE is unreasonable? If you can't see how wrong and selfish this is, you need help. I feel for the two innocent spouses, and the kids. You mentioned several times how much you stand to lose, but never mentioned the horrible pain you are inflicting on them. Just Dayum.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 What i find amazing vandutch is this woman was a confidante to your wife about your marriage and she continually ran to you telling you all she said your wife said an you actually love this woman? You love someone that has that little respect for loyalty and friendship? You love someone that has that little personal integrity? I guess so. Birds of a feather... I honeslt don't think you two will ever really be able to trust each other knowing what you know about one another.
JustJoe Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 On second thought, this must be a troll. Are there really such deluded people, out there, in RL?
Minnie09 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Perfect combination of lack of introspection and confrontation avoidance. And who is to blame for this mess? The wife, of course! She's so unreasonable and always has been. It's all her fault. He just HAD to feel attraction for somebody else AND act on it. Yep. Definitely the wife who ruined it all. Give me a break!
aerogurl87 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 My advice is in my siggy. But of course you can't do that now, so man up and tell your wife what a lowlife husband she has and what a b*tch her so called best friend is.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 damn. Yep your wife will be unreasonable and so will your girlfriends husband. yup, and both of them being unreasonable is absolutely reasonable
kevinm1019 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 So my wifes best friend lives over 500 miles away and they went to High School together. They lost touch for years but found each other on myspace. Her friend is married with two kids and one of them is an infant. For the past few years her family has been meeting up with ours once or twice a year when they come to town. I first met her out at a lake on a vacation. I was immediately attracted to her and she was nice but showed no interest in me. That was 3 years ago. Recently (meaning this year) I've been having marriage problems. My wife went to her for support and spent hours on the phone with her talking about me and our marriage problems looking for advice. Somehow I got caught up in the conversations when I would just text her to say hi and she would talk to me about how my wife feels and how I need to work on my marriage. So in this process we ended up talking a lot and became really good friends. We got to know each other well. The physical attraction for me has always been there but I became infatuated with her personality and inteligence. She is an ICU nurse and I am a Paramedic. We eventually developed feelings for each other and let each other know how we felt. But we knew we were both married with kids and it wasn't right. And still we continued talking everyday and started sending pictures of ourselves until the question was brought up...would you sleep me if you had the chance? We both agreed that we couldn't say until we were in that situation. Some time later she came down to stay with us because we were going on a river trip together. She came down a day before her husband and kid (she was 6 months pregnant with the infant she has now). I picked her up from the airport and we had some flirting and banter between us on the drive home. Before I got to my house I pulled over and said I think we needed to kiss to see if there is the chemistry we are feeling. So we did and it was everything I thought it would be. We went to my place and played the "I'm not interested in you" game. The next morning my wife took my two boys to her mom's house to drop something off. We were left alone to shower and get ready to leave in a couple hours. Well of course we ended up sleeping with each other for the first time. It was so nice and sexy and spontaneous. We went on through the day like nothing was different but would catch each others eye and smile from time to time. We were at the river for a week and I had sex with her again against a wall in the public showers at the campground while our spouses and kids were back at the trailer. She left back home after that trip but we kept up our phone conversations. Ever since then she has found reasons to fly down and stay with us to visit my wife as a good friend should. But all the while I would sneak down stairs at night to my couch where she would sleep and have sex with her while everyone was sleeping. She would also come down and stay with me while my wife was out of town. So after all this progression in our relationship, we are at a point now where we are in love with each other. Our feelings are so strong for each other and we want to leave our spouses so we can be together. She was pregnant when we started this so now she has a 6 week old baby. We both have 2 boys now. Mine are 9 and 6 and hers are 6 and 6 weeks. She says she has been unhappy in her marriage for a while but was just setteling because she thought there wasn't anyone else out there. I'm the same way...unhappy in marriage but content and thinking of what's best for my kids. We both come from divorced parents so we know the impact. We have both done counseling with our spouses to try and "fix" things. But the fact remains that we love them but aren't in love with them anymore. We are in love with each other. It's not just sex, it's everything about this woman that I love. I could and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She has been married for 5 years and I have for 7. She at this point moved out to live with her mom and I am still with my wife playing nice for the kids. Neither of them know or suspect an affair. But my wife has become very aware of how we look at each other and flirt when she's around. So now she doesn't want me around her anymore. Her husband is oblivious but has asked her before if we have a crush on each other. So my question is this...when is a good time to leave? Should I stay for the kids and continue this secret relationship with my girlfriend or separate from my wife and deal with the hell she will bring down on me in the process. I love my kids and I don't want to lose them. But I know my wife, and she is unreasonable. Even if she never finds out about me sleeping with her best friend...she will take me for everything. I do know for sure though that I love this woman and I want nothing more than to be with her and make our relationship known...just after we're divorced. Any advice? (cricket... cricket)... and you think this will be good for any of the children involved in your potential future relationship?!!!! You and your affair partner need some serious counseling. Here's a suggestion... the two of you sit down together and tell your spouses about what you have been doing... they should take that pretty well. AMAZING!!!
Mimolicious Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Next time BFF paragraphs. They are usually awesome friends and soothing to the soul... I would care to read it all but OUCH! So going by the highlight of the story. Your wife is unreasonable? Let's see what the judge has to say. Out of curiosity, if you had pick an adjective for your OW, what would it be?
freestyle Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 On second thought, this must be a troll. Are there really such deluded people, out there, in RL? It does sound outrageous, and hard to believe, but this sort of thing happens more commonly than you might guess. The sad part is that it can be that much harder for a BS to recover from a double betrayal, male or female.Finding out your own best friend, your rock ,was making a chump out of you behind your back.......is devastating. It's almost worse than being betrayed romantically.
wicar1 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 So my wifes best friend lives over 500 miles away and they went to High School together. They lost touch for years but found each other on myspace. Her friend is married with two kids and one of them is an infant. For the past few years her family has been meeting up with ours once or twice a year when they come to town. I first met her out at a lake on a vacation. I was immediately attracted to her and she was nice but showed no interest in me. That was 3 years ago. Recently (meaning this year) I've been having marriage problems. My wife went to her for support and spent hours on the phone with her talking about me and our marriage problems looking for advice. Somehow I got caught up in the conversations when I would just text her to say hi and she would talk to me about how my wife feels and how I need to work on my marriage. So in this process we ended up talking a lot and became really good friends. We got to know each other well. The physical attraction for me has always been there but I became infatuated with her personality and inteligence. She is an ICU nurse and I am a Paramedic. We eventually developed feelings for each other and let each other know how we felt. But we knew we were both married with kids and it wasn't right. And still we continued talking everyday and started sending pictures of ourselves until the question was brought up...would you sleep me if you had the chance? We both agreed that we couldn't say until we were in that situation. Some time later she came down to stay with us because we were going on a river trip together. She came down a day before her husband and kid (she was 6 months pregnant with the infant she has now). I picked her up from the airport and we had some flirting and banter between us on the drive home. Before I got to my house I pulled over and said I think we needed to kiss to see if there is the chemistry we are feeling. So we did and it was everything I thought it would be. We went to my place and played the "I'm not interested in you" game. The next morning my wife took my two boys to her mom's house to drop something off. We were left alone to shower and get ready to leave in a couple hours. Well of course we ended up sleeping with each other for the first time. It was so nice and sexy and spontaneous. We went on through the day like nothing was different but would catch each others eye and smile from time to time. We were at the river for a week and I had sex with her again against a wall in the public showers at the campground while our spouses and kids were back at the trailer. She left back home after that trip but we kept up our phone conversations. Ever since then she has found reasons to fly down and stay with us to visit my wife as a good friend should. But all the while I would sneak down stairs at night to my couch where she would sleep and have sex with her while everyone was sleeping. She would also come down and stay with me while my wife was out of town. So after all this progression in our relationship, we are at a point now where we are in love with each other. Our feelings are so strong for each other and we want to leave our spouses so we can be together. She was pregnant when we started this so now she has a 6 week old baby. We both have 2 boys now. Mine are 9 and 6 and hers are 6 and 6 weeks. She says she has been unhappy in her marriage for a while but was just setteling because she thought there wasn't anyone else out there. I'm the same way...unhappy in marriage but content and thinking of what's best for my kids. We both come from divorced parents so we know the impact. We have both done counseling with our spouses to try and "fix" things. But the fact remains that we love them but aren't in love with them anymore. We are in love with each other. It's not just sex, it's everything about this woman that I love. I could and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She has been married for 5 years and I have for 7. She at this point moved out to live with her mom and I am still with my wife playing nice for the kids. Neither of them know or suspect an affair. But my wife has become very aware of how we look at each other and flirt when she's around. So now she doesn't want me around her anymore. Her husband is oblivious but has asked her before if we have a crush on each other. So my question is this...when is a good time to leave? Should I stay for the kids and continue this secret relationship with my girlfriend or separate from my wife and deal with the hell she will bring down on me in the process. I love my kids and I don't want to lose them. But I know my wife, and she is unreasonable. Even if she never finds out about me sleeping with her best friend...she will take me for everything. I do know for sure though that I love this woman and I want nothing more than to be with her and make our relationship known...just after we're divorced. Any advice? You slept with your wife's best friend who's 6 months pregnant ...!!!??? the way you describe ..looks sick.... ???? Tell your wife everything...even if you don't .. someday she will find out. It's funny to hear you using the word unreasonable. Anyway your poor wife and that s**** poor husband needs to know the truth. God Save Faithful Partners !!
Author VanDutch Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 I'm the one she can never trust because the wounds are ways to reveal us. I could have tried and devoted my life to the both of us but what a waste of my time when the world we have is hers. So break me down if it makes you feel right. And hate me now if it keeps you alright. Listen...this story is fictitious. It was an experiment. But the fact is that someone may come to this forum to unload the terrible feelings they have inside them. They want to tell someone because they feel there is someone out there that will listen and not pass judgment. The point here is not to break someone down that has took the time to share a glimpse of their life. And as an outsider looking in...you don't ever know how a marriage is like. You don't know how someone's wife is or husband is and how they treat their spouse to make it become easier for them to go outside the marriage. Although I do agree that a marriage or any relationship should be ended before another person is involved. This is not always the case and this in fact more common than everyone here thinks. I believe that the majority of respondants here have most likely been cheated on and enjoy tearing apart an unfaithful person. You aren't here to give unbias advice. Or maybe some of you just enjoy a crazy story. Whatever the reason is...if you can't say something constructive then don't say it at all.
greengoddess Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 No you failed. The breakdown is yours. Your sactamonious little lecture is why our world is in the state it is now. You call out bad behavior. You do not coddle it. The story was disgusting at iis inception and I think people actually showed a lot of self control to this ficticious player of yours. You really have some self righteous balls to scold people for saying what is right. More people need to stand up and tell people they're wrong instead of holding their hand and saying everything is going to be alright. It's like the kid who fails school because he cuts classes and skips homework but mommy will run in and say it's not little johnny's fault, it's the teachers fault the schools fault and the administrations fault that he's failing. This group acted like normal moral people should act. They told this idiot you crated to do the right thing. Oh but I guess that is not the politically correct thing anymore. Give me a break.
BB07 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I'm the one she can never trust because the wounds are ways to reveal us. I could have tried and devoted my life to the both of us but what a waste of my time when the world we have is hers. So break me down if it makes you feel right. And hate me now if it keeps you alright. Listen...this story is fictitious. It was an experiment. But the fact is that someone may come to this forum to unload the terrible feelings they have inside them. They want to tell someone because they feel there is someone out there that will listen and not pass judgment. The point here is not to break someone down that has took the time to share a glimpse of their life. And as an outsider looking in...you don't ever know how a marriage is like. You don't know how someone's wife is or husband is and how they treat their spouse to make it become easier for them to go outside the marriage. Although I do agree that a marriage or any relationship should be ended before another person is involved. This is not always the case and this in fact more common than everyone here thinks. I believe that the majority of respondants here have most likely been cheated on and enjoy tearing apart an unfaithful person. You aren't here to give unbias advice. Or maybe some of you just enjoy a crazy story. Whatever the reason is...if you can't say something constructive then don't say it at all. Oh plsssss..........so your marriage was bad and it's your wifes fault and that justifies doing your wife's BF! There is NOTHING you could say that your wife did that would make it OK and you are deluding yourself to think that anything good could come from it. You are going to face a ****e storm of your own making and sadly your children will suffer for it, but you aren't thinking of them or anyone else except YOURSELF and.......... what kind of woman does her BF's husband??? Oh and don't use the excuse of we couldn't help ourselves, it just happened. This has slimy and nasty written all over it!
Author VanDutch Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 I don't make excuses for anyone. We all make our own decisions...good or bad. What some people fail to realize is that it doesn't matter how it happens or how it started or what was involved. The fact is that it happened and does happen all over the world everyday. And the relationship between a husband and wife is separate from the relationship between a parent and their child. Don't drag the kids into this. Their only concern is that they have two parents that love them. Marriages go bad all the time and kids survive...I did. You may think I'm F-ed up but I am a product of my upbringing and realism...I get down to brass tacks. I see that spouses these days tend to change during the course of marriage. Who they were or pretended to be to catch the attention of a probable mate ends up fading away and the true individual emerges. For example...A wife stays in shape and frequently has sex with her BF prior to marriage. But after so many years of marriage and/or kids she decides that she never really liked staying in shape, she never really liked having sex all the time, she just did it to keep her man. But now that she has him she can let herself go and he has to stay with her even though she is overweight and has stopped sleeping with him because he is to "love" her for her and all that other stuff doesn't matter. He is shallow if he cares about appearance and sex. But the fact remains that she isn't the woman he married. She could stay in shape...she could sleep with the man she supposedly loves. But she chooses not to. Then her attitude changes and she doesn't even have her personality going for her anymore. And as soon as he leaves...she is right back in the gym and finding a new guy to sleep with. She will do these things for a stranger she wants to meet or just met but will not do it for her husband..the man she loves so much. This works both ways. Men also do the same thing to their wives. So to me it is no wonder why men and women seek out attention and attractiveness and sex from someone else that wants to stay in shape, that wants to have sex, that wants to show affection. Because this is the person they thought they married. But as it turns out it was all a fake and attempt to land a spouse. The reason most spouses might not just leave first is that they still love their mate and don't want to hurt them. Infidelity is not about purposely wanting to hurt your spouse. For all intents and purposes it is a selfish act. A way for someone to seek out happiness for themselves. Now, people do change as they age but not that drastic. And a spouse can't sit there and say that they have tried to be who they were when all they do is make excues and stop trying year after year. Now this is my belief...but if someone is to keep their spouse from looking or thinking or going elsewhere...maybe they should stop pointing the finger and turn it back around and point at themselves..have some apathy. Every action is a reaction to our surroundings and enviroment. Human behavior intrigues me.
JustJoe Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Dude, you just might have hit an all-time high for pompous, ridiculous, posts. Congrats to you.
greengoddess Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Dude, you just might have hit an all-time high for pompous, ridiculous, posts. Congrats to you. LOL really! What was that last tirade? Maybe the story was true and he tried to cover and he went after the pregnant woman because she was in better shape then his wife?:laugh::bunny:
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