working our way out of a mess...maybe.

[TearsofHope]

Wow, two men fighting over this confused ass bytch while I get dumped for no reason as "two people drifting apart". LOL

 

wow, this girl is lucky to emotionally fxck around and still gets to have the ring and the dessert who will be "waiting" for her. I would never do anything like that to a fiancee/boyfriend/husband ever.

 

Seriously, I give you credit for putting up with her! Her ass doesn't even deserve it, and yet people are getting dumped left and right for stupid shyt as in a "simple fight over what restaurant to go to".

 

Well, you told the man off alright, but I don't think he is scared of you. I think he is laughing over the fact that you want a woman who wants him, but he is just letting you feel like a "MAN" when really you are the one who is getting yanked left and right off of Bs.

 

I applaud for the amount of effort, patience and dealing with this nonsense that shouldn't even be happening. I mean, you guys went to the next level of engagement. Shyt you guys are supposed to be getting ready, but yet you getting more drama like a boyfriend/girlfriend who lives in seperate homes.

 

I really do hope you get some peace with this situation sometime soon. I see you are giving every ounce of yourself, and just hate to see a man like you put up with bs when there is other women looking for a man like you who wants a man to fight for their love without cheating/affairs involve.

 

I agree with the poster above, this thread is so sad, makes us sick and hurt to see all this happening to a individual. I really hope things get better for you pipeline.

Edited September 26, 2010 by TearsofHope

[Pipeline010]

Thank you everyone so much for your words and attention. I know it may feel like I'm ignoring all your advice but I'm not. I hear it all.

 

I'm writing on an iPhone so it's tough to scroll back to all the names so sorry about that too.

 

 

To the wonderful girls here Thank you for the ego boost I need it. I'm not sure I'd fit anyones profile anymore tho. I weighed myself last night and learned I've lost 24 lbs in the last 3 weeks. I haven't been able to work out, surf, run, or swim cause I'm afraid I'll injure myself more. Havnt been this weight since 9th grade.

 

@kael you have been 100% spot on all the way man, don't think I haven't noticed. Your poss give me strength even tho I'm not doing what you say. I know I should.

 

Today was ok. When I woke up she was already wide awake. The second I woke up she wrapped her leg around me from the side and put her head on my shoulder. I can't really look at her yet without thinking of her ****ing that twerp, so I still can give her any affection yet.

 

Twerp emailed all day, finally I started replying. She doesn't look at them anymore. After I got done making him realize that teacher is my job not my identity and inwould truly smash his face in if he came to my home again his tone changed. He said he was sad for my girl and she deserves a happy life. I told him we'd both be happy again in time. Also told him there was a girl out there somewhere waiting to be loved by him and he will find her one day. And to stay away from girls in relationships.

 

My lady (or the lady currently residing with me..won't call her mine yet) was cold/distracted enough tonight that I went out for a walk. I type this while sitting on the steps of the elementary school.

 

I'm scared but ready to find out that she's contacting him again. Maybe then she'll make the decision to leave. And I'll be happy and sad. Or maybe she's telling the truth this time. And we'll b happy again.

 

Time will tell. Time to go home. Thanks again.

[Pipeline010]

Well she 180d on me again last night.

 

She went in to her secret email account just to read the messages from him. I called her on it and she became ice and vapor again.

 

Also told me she's more attracted to him than me right now.

 

I can't understand why she's still here.

[Kael]

Dump her ass bro. I've said everything that needs to be said. I told you what she was going to do. It's time to part ways. She will stay in contact with him. She will tell you she won't but that is only to please you.

 

You can't make her love you or want you more. Accept the love is gone. Kick her ass out and go NC. There is no trust. Therefore, there is no love. Let her go bro. And don't give her the decision. It is not hers to make. You gave her too many chances already.

 

Drop her cheating, lying, deceiving, and manipulating ass.

[pandagirl]

Holy cow -- this thread made me feel crazy and devastated for you.

 

I think at this point, you need to stop trying to make the relationship work, and put the focus back on YOU. You have done what you can. This girl sounds like a complete mess, and therefore making you a complete mess.

 

You are your first priority. Heal yourself.

[harrellst]

Women are hard to undertand for sure. I am one of them and I have a hard time making decisions myself. She may just need some time to work things out for herself. It doesn't mean that she is seeing the OM if she doesn't want to be physical. She just needs the space. Don't push her if it is ment to be it will be. If it doesn't work out you will survive. Just be yourself the man that she fell in love with. If she truly wants you you will be the first to know. To me pushing your wants on her is controlling. She knows that you love her so keep showing her and trust her and move on if you want it to work. It's hard I know but "This to shall pass" and don't look back. Good luck.

[Pipeline010]

so this is the third time i've tried to trust her not to reach out to him/see him anymore.

 

so far so good i think. i won't know for sure til i get home from work and check my traps that i've set.

 

i'm trying to do what i said...not asking her about contact, caring whether she contacts him, or trying to 'help' her not contact him. i told her its all on her this time and she has to protect herself from herself in her own way...i won't be the jailkeeper anymore cause it puts me in a terrible position. i'll just leave if it happens again.

 

physical intimacy came back yesterday very nicely...basically i just jumped her bones and she responded. alot of good stuff came pouring out of her mouth immediately post-orgasm.

 

i know it's just sex and not to read too much into it. but screw you anyway, it felt good to hear it again...setting myself up? yea, very likely.

 

the OM has really shown his true colors to me. he has taken to sending me email streams that occurred between the two of them over the past 3 weeks....trying to hurt me...it's working. what sucks is that i mentioned this to her and altho she says how ****ty he's being i think at some level she's still so into him she see's it as 'him fighting for her,' instead of seeing it properly as 'holy crap what a scummy guy to do this to another person.' he hit me with another one about 30m ago.

 

the messages are basically him making lewd remarks and her not telling him to stop, but not saying the same kind of things back. what I know from this crap is that if i just sent her packing she'd be back to me in tears begging me back within a week. he is a TOTAL loser and scumbag. i'm not saying i'm mr righteous or anything, but i'm certainly smoother than this tool.

 

on the bright side there are no more secrets that he has shared with her....i know everything...everything. i wish she had opened up to me about all of it and told me straight instead of me having to find out from my traps. but she is now saying she is seeing things for what they really were, and refers to him as a drug habit she just needs to kick.

 

i'm hoping i can trust her again someday, that i can get rid of all my traps. i need to be 100% sure this winner is out of the picture before i can do that. i'm losing it to have set up the safety net i've created for myself, but c'est la vie i suppose.

[lunita]

We teach people how to treat us. So why are you teaching her to walk all over you and why are you giving her control by telling her she needs to make a decision?

 

Seriously, stop it, take control, and show her what happens when she disrespects you - Do you know what that is? She doesn't get the opportunity to be any part of your life. At all. End of story. Bye bye stupid disrespectful girl. And if you continue on this path, then you might as well turn the finger around and call yourself that.

 

Sorry to be harsh but we have to accept a certain amount of responsibility when other people treat us like trash, and we ALLOW IT.

[Kael]

Answer this question for me. What would she have to do for you to kick her to the curb? She has lied, cheated, deceived, manipulated, and flat out told you she is into this other guy and that she finds him MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN YOU (HELLO, MCFLY WAKE UP)!!!

 

She now knows she can get away with anything she wants. She is playing you and that other guy. Just because she tosses some pity sex your way, doesn't mean anything. You had to ASK for that sex remember?

 

Anyway, we are all beating a dead horse here. Everyone here is telling you what you should be doing, and you are doing the opposite. I hope things work out for you and prove us all wrong. But, I can assure you, that you will most likely be back here not long from now complaining of the same BS she has been doing.

 

It won't stop because you have justified her actions by staying with her.

 

She hasn't come clean with you until you caught her in the act of doing something. What makes you think she hasn't created ANOTHER email address? Seriously bro, man up. Dump her. She will know you mean business. She will keep contacting him because she doesn't respect you anymore, that is until you take action.

 

The choice is yours ultimately. We aren't in your shoes, but I have been pretty spot on with this girl. It's obvious that she only cares about herself, and she will hide things and lie to you until she gets caught. It will keep happening because SHE IS INTO THE OTHER GUY. Again, best of luck. I really am sorry for your loss, because this relationship is definitely ruined...

[Pipeline010]

@kael

 

short term i'm not really concerned...she's either being honest now or she's not; i would prefer we work out, but i'm honestly ready to deal with the pain of ending it now.

 

i have growing concerns about the long-term here though. because i essentially never put my foot down on anything i'm worried she will pull the same crap on me in the future with some other guy who may not be such a loser.

 

but i've made this decision at this point and it would simply be flailing to end it now...i'm going to see it through.

 

if she messes around on me again with this guy that will be that.

 

after this how could i trust her with anyone else? i don't know. i don't know if i ever will be able to, and THAT's the problem growing in my mind.

[lunita]

@kael

 

if she messes around on me again with this guy that will be that.

 

 

There is no "if".

 

I'm sorry, but, she will. No doubt in my mind.

[GorillaTheater]

after this how could i trust her with anyone else? i don't know. i don't know if i ever will be able to, and THAT's the problem growing in my mind.

 

I don't know how you would go about trusting her either. That in itself would be enough for me to end it.

 

I think you're going to need to learn your lesson the hard way. There's no shame in that; many of us including myself are the same way. I wish you the best of luck.

[Pipeline010]

bang.

 

first day away from her since the latest promise of no contact between her and him...

 

come back from work....bingo.

 

messages between them, she misses him so much, she hates this, etc etc etc.

 

i come out blasting...pack your ****, get out.

 

she tries to pretend like she didn't do anything.

 

stop the lying, get out...you left me no choice here.

 

she tries to say that he tricked her into accepting a fake facebook profile then started chatting with her..once she realized it she logged off...

 

that is total lies..i know it..i waver but hold strong...

 

we're both crying, shes packing...she packs her car....begs me to stay, says she wants to love me forever, says its like a drug she doesnt know how to stop, says he tricked her...BEGGING to stay.

 

i hold strong...i now know she will never stop...i tell her i love her too but i just cant do it..shes begging to stay in tears, im in tears just shaking my head...

 

she leaves, gets in her car..sits in teh driveway for about 45 minutes before finally leaving...

 

messages me back that she didnt want to go, that she wanted to love me, that she knew we could have worked things out...

 

i tell her i'll always love that sweet girl i fell in love with but i can't trust the woman shes become. i told her id always be here for that sweet girl to come back into my heart and my life.

 

she swore on the way out the door that she's not going to him....we all know where she is right now.

 

i'm in tremendous pain right now. tremendous. please do me a favor and lay off the 'i-told-you-so's' cause if u check my posts you'll know i was aware i was setting myself up for this....

 

i just hate everything right now....i dont know how to be...i'm totally lost.

[harrellst]

Dude I am so sorry to hear it for you. It is hard but be strong. Your doing the right thing. Like I said if it is ment to be it will be. If she finds herself happy with the loser then she is a loser herself. I have been there. Just be strong. It's gonna hurt like hell but time will heal. When she sees you moving on without her she will see what she has lost. If that sweet girl comes back you will be in a better place. You showed her your not putting up with the bull s***. If she knows about drug addiction she knows she has to hit rock bottom to get over it. She has to lose it all and she just lost you so she is on her way to recovery. You will probably cry the night away and I will be thinking of you. Your not alone!!!!

[Kael]

I'm so sorry, but not surprised to hear this. Please listen to us next time. I am glad you finally put your foot down. Albeit late, better than never.

 

Congratulations on taking the first step to happiness. It will be extremely hard for a while. You need to go No Conact (NC) IMMEDIATELY. If she calls, ignore it. If she texts/emails, delete it. DO NOT TALK TO OR SEE HER.

 

If you let her come back fast, then you putting your foot down will be meaningless. She is at the OM's house as we speak. Forget about her. You deserve much better. This isn't about you. It's about some selfish, immature, lying, deceiving, manipulative b*tch that doesn't give one ounce of thought about what she is doing. The girl you once loved is no more. Please, please, please try not to hold onto the hope she will return.

 

You have to MOVE ON and HEAL. If things between you work out later, then so be it. But now, you have to take time on your own to heal. Date around, and enjoy life.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

 

Please go to the link above. You will find some of the best advice regarding NC.

[Kael]

i told her id always be here for that sweet girl to come back into my heart and my life.

 

Nope. You will NOT be here. You are MOVING ON. RIGHT NOW. You cannot have the attitude that you are waiting on her. That puts her in control and makes you the puppy dog waiting. You are the boss now. You control your life and happiness.

 

You are NOT waiting on her to have her fun with the OM, only to come crawling back to you. Go NC, get over her, and find an amazing girl who respects and loves you.

 

I really have been thinking about this entire situation for the last week. The end was in sight bro. Be thankful it happened now, rather than after your wedding. Not only would she be breaking your entire heart, she might be taking half your things!

[Pipeline010]

You will probably cry the night away

 

this.................

[bobo113]

Sweetheart- you have to think about why you're giving so, so, so much to someone who gives you NOTHING in return. I hope that if nothing else comes of this, you think about this aspect of your personality. Its beautiful, but its f&^%d (i know this from personal experience). My heart goes out to you.

[Pipeline010]

slept about 2 hours last night.

 

had a dream that my teeth were all falling out. i kept trying to push them back in but once they hit the root i could hear the tooth grating against the root and realized i was doing more damage and they would never fit again.

 

i was so worried about what people would think when they looked at me but i eventually just accepted that i would have to wear false teeth from then on.

[ALombard]

Pipeline, brother, listen to me and listen good. You did EVERYTHING possible, everything you could have possibly done to make things work out with this girl. If you had the ability to look at your situation from the outside, like all of us are, you would see that you had no other choice but to end it. It is a very unique pain when the woman we love do things like to us. I've been through it, I know how it feels. Like you I also dragged the situation out, checked her emails, etc. I caught her in countless lies and she would tell me flat out that she had strong feelings for the OM when I would ask why she was even still with me.

 

The point I'm trying to make is this. There is nothing you can do anymore, as a matter of fact there is no reason you should even want her back. As you stated in previous posts on this thread, you loved the girl she was not who she became. The sad truth is that women rarely ever go back to being that person we were so in love with to start. I've come to realize that when big things like this happen in a relationship its usually the start of a "life change".

 

Believe me if she comes back, like my ex did, things will only be good for a little while. You will either harbor a lot of anger and resentment towards her or she will eventually get bored again and bail. Move on, it's the only healthy choice you have in this situation. You're going to be depressed for a while, but each day it gets better. In fact because of my break-up I turned to religion and have recently found my faith again. I'm not saying this is something that will work for you, but, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get through this.

 

Little sidenote; my ex just recently started calling me and telling me she loves me still. Sad thing is she is still with her current boyfriend. See what I am talking about? They don't change. She is now willing to go behind her new boyfriends back to see me...some women are just death traps.

 

Good luck man and keep us posted.

[Pipeline010]

just requested 2 personal days off for the next two days to grieve.

 

or maybe because i know she'll be at one of our stores the next two days and i want to see/talk to her again. i just don't know, but I know i'm having a hard time controlling my thoughts let alone my actions.

 

she has sent me messages referring to this OM as a drug that she can't get out of her head even though she wants to.

 

when a friend on drugs hits rock bottom shouldn't we be there for them?

 

i KNOW I AM BEING INSANE. i am a rationale guy, i always have been, I KNOW HOW CRAZY THIS IS, i can't stop these thoughts or control this anymore.

 

someone come lock me up

[GorillaTheater]

she has sent me messages referring to this OM as a drug that she can't get out of her head even though she wants to.

 

when a friend on drugs hits rock bottom shouldn't we be there for them?

 

Not when it puts your well-being at risk, and not at the expense of your dignity and integrity.

 

Keep hanging in there. Take care of yourself (eat, sleep, exercise, etc.) and things will get better with time.

[Kael]

Now is not the time for you to be there for her. You have been there for years and look what she has done to thank you for your loyalty and companionship. Cheated, lied, manipulated and deceived.

 

Do not contact her. Be strong. Go for a run. Lift weights. Join a gym. Eat well. Do not drink alcohol, as it will only make things worse. Reconnect with friends.

 

If she wanted your support, she would not have cheated on you or hid this relationship time and time again.

[Pipeline010]

nevermind. i paid our joint car insurances for the next 6 months just now. yes, im a freaking idiot.

Edited September 28, 2010 by Pipeline010

[Kael]

Lol. Cmon bro. Money, affection, support...none off those things will bring her closer to you. The only way you even have a chance at working it out with her is to go NC for a while.

 

You need time to heal and to get over her before you should even consider a second chance. Go NC, improve yourself, and heal. You may find in a month or so that you don't even want to be with her and you might laugh at yourself got even caring as much as you did.