working our way out of a mess...maybe.

[Pipeline010]

Me and my fiance have been in a relationship for 5 years. We own businesses together, a home, and have had what I thought was a perfect life.

 

My life was, it seems, a fantasy.

 

About 2 years ago a man from her past started messaging her inappropriately over text and FB. She did not make him stop. He moved back to the area in May of this year and started haunting her at our business when I wasn't there and got much more suggestive and intensive in his messages. She didn't stop him and eventually started giving some of her own back.

 

3 weeks ago I found out about all of this. 4 weeks ago we were at the beach together and our friends were telling us to stop being such a nauseating couple, behaving totally in love like i thought we were. so, obviously, i had no clue what was happening behind the scenes.

 

3 weeks ago she asked for space. i gave it and she used it to further her relationship with him. They kissed, he told her he loved her. she didn't say it back, and she says it never got more physical then making out.

 

1 week ago she said she wants to work things out with me and wants to end it with him. she moves back home. he texts her once every 30 minutes or so all day every day, she gets back to him from time to time and lies to me about it. i eventually get the truth.

 

i contemplate just ending it on tuesday last week. she says shes so ****ed up right now she doesnt know what's wrong with her. she says she loves me and doesnt love him. she writes him an email ending it, asking for NC from him. he says he doesnt agree with her decision but ok.

 

he then continues his barrage of contact...texts, FB (she had to block him). I intercepted a note he left on her car yesterday asking her to call him and blaming me for keeping them apart.

 

stalker? maybe but for what she says she still feels. we had an open honest discussion last night and she answered all my questions. she said she feels that if she left me for him that she would become 100% devoted to him and maybe not miss me at all. she said when she first kissed him she felt absolutely no remorse and instead it felt completely good and right. she said if i left her for a few days to get myself together she thinks she would likely go to him the first night.

 

but then she says she still wants to try and make things work with me. shes says shes here with me. she says she will not contact him, and if he shows up she'll ask him to leave. she says she loves me and although she has strong feelings for him she doesn't love him.

 

i am a miserable wreck. i dont know how to be. i sway from being slightly comfortable with her to utterly panicked. i miss my fiance terribly and im starting to see this new person i'm with as someone that killed her.

 

every day hurts, every morning, every night. i'm going to try to keep this updated as we move through this...any help is more than appreciated..i feel lost, hurt, angry, alone, depressed. i can't leave her, i love her so much, but i feel i'm just standing in her way of being happy? but she says she wants to try to work things out with me. i just dont know.

[Pipeline010]

had a 40 minute break at work today (im a teacher, so my free time is bizarre).

 

sent her a message asking if she wanted to meet me at the starbucks near my school in 15 minutes. she dropped what she was doing and immediately left to meet me. its not super far from our home but certainly a hassle to go running out the door just for 10 minutes of coffee. was comfortable and regular, good chat, zero heaviness.

 

good sign?

[Pipeline010]

headed home now for another day in paradise.

 

i haven't heard from her since this afternoon. i'm scared the OM showed up at my house again (he had a habit of showing up around 1-3 all last week).

 

my head is always spinning.

[Kael]

She loves the other guy too. You deserve someone who wants you and no one else. She will continue this love affair she has with the OM. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you, she would tell the OM to get lost. Unfortunately, she seems to love the attention she is getting from him and won't do anything to make it stop.

 

She didn't have to make out with that guy. She should've thought about how much she loved you and wanted to be with you before that. Her saying she doesn't feel bad about it is also another bad sign.

 

I say cut your losses and move on. She wants him, but she is afraid to lose you. Make it easy for her and leave her. You can find someone who respects and love you.

[YellowShark]

I know it's really tough for you Pipeline010, really I do... but what you need to do can be summed up in one sentence:

 

"Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option."

 

Best of luck.

[Ajax]

I think your relationship is damaged beyond repair. Not that it's your fault mind you, but I think you know that.

 

Her behavior and words are destroying you. You need to end it. Better sooner than later. Dragging out the inevitable will only hurt more.

[Sunny-side-up]

Me and my fiance have been in a relationship for 5 years. We own businesses together, a home, and have had what I thought was a perfect life.

 

My life was, it seems, a fantasy.

 

About 2 years ago a man from her past started messaging her inappropriately over text and FB. She did not make him stop. He moved back to the area in May of this year and started haunting her at our business when I wasn't there and got much more suggestive and intensive in his messages. She didn't stop him and eventually started giving some of her own back.

 

3 weeks ago I found out about all of this. 4 weeks ago we were at the beach together and our friends were telling us to stop being such a nauseating couple, behaving totally in love like i thought we were. so, obviously, i had no clue what was happening behind the scenes.

 

3 weeks ago she asked for space. i gave it and she used it to further her relationship with him. They kissed, he told her he loved her. she didn't say it back, and she says it never got more physical then making out.

 

1 week ago she said she wants to work things out with me and wants to end it with him. she moves back home. he texts her once every 30 minutes or so all day every day, she gets back to him from time to time and lies to me about it. i eventually get the truth.

 

i contemplate just ending it on tuesday last week. she says shes so ****ed up right now she doesnt know what's wrong with her. she says she loves me and doesnt love him. she writes him an email ending it, asking for NC from him. he says he doesnt agree with her decision but ok.

 

he then continues his barrage of contact...texts, FB (she had to block him). I intercepted a note he left on her car yesterday asking her to call him and blaming me for keeping them apart.

 

stalker? maybe but for what she says she still feels. we had an open honest discussion last night and she answered all my questions. she said she feels that if she left me for him that she would become 100% devoted to him and maybe not miss me at all. she said when she first kissed him she felt absolutely no remorse and instead it felt completely good and right. she said if i left her for a few days to get myself together she thinks she would likely go to him the first night.

 

but then she says she still wants to try and make things work with me. shes says shes here with me. she says she will not contact him, and if he shows up she'll ask him to leave. she says she loves me and although she has strong feelings for him she doesn't love him.

 

i am a miserable wreck. i dont know how to be. i sway from being slightly comfortable with her to utterly panicked. i miss my fiance terribly and im starting to see this new person i'm with as someone that killed her.

 

every day hurts, every morning, every night. i'm going to try to keep this updated as we move through this...any help is more than appreciated..i feel lost, hurt, angry, alone, depressed. i can't leave her, i love her so much, but i feel i'm just standing in her way of being happy? but she says she wants to try to work things out with me. i just dont know.

 

Pipeline, before your gf started all this, did you act the way this guy has been? Basically, it sounds like your gf has folded under pressure from someone lavishing his attentions to her. It also sounds like its hard for her to make her stand to get with him because of all the ties you guys have together.

If she tells you she still loves you then I think you can work it out. You need to find out why she's cheated in the first place and work on that. If thats what she wants?

[Pipeline010]

to those recommending to cut and run, i hear you; your words are certainly filled with wisdom and part of me knows that.

 

i tried, several times, to do exactly that. each time i balked...i love her way too much.

 

sunny-side i believe that is exactly what she wants...believe being the operative word.

 

she tells me she loves me...she says she wants to work things out. weve discussed our relationship flaws in a rational way of moving forward, not as a period at the end of our relationship. when this mess all started it was all talk of what MY flaws were and why she did what she did BECAUSE of them. after i got over the guilt i woke up to reality. i ended those discussions and refused to talk about it as an end to the relationship or to validate what she did.

 

she turned around on my refusal; she realized there was no excuse for what she did and that it was 100% her own fault. now we talk about our issues openly. we are seeing a counselor that we both agreed to in the hopes that he will help us work through the resentment and help us to learn to communicate better.

 

both of us come from broken homes and screwy upbringings and we know that. we accept that we need help to learn how to be totally functional in relationships.

 

to answer your comment more directly, though, he did lavish her with attention at a time where i was forced to pull away due to work. i usually kill her with affection and attention that she absolutely adores. the fact that she has to have that attention all the time is a problem that she accepts, and we're working on it. this OM jerkoff just hit her at the right time (altho it was her fault as well to be sure...which makes me FURIOUS...but im swallowing that anger for now).

 

she has begun to discuss the future us again. i dont push things and offer minimal input on my own. talk of our potential wedding/marriage, our potential kids, etc. it makes me really EXTREMELY happy to hear her say those things which is why i dont show those emotions...i dont want to scare her or make her think im getting ahead of things...we have a long long way to go i think.

 

went to dinner with a new(ish) g/f of hers from town and her husband and their 3 kids. i had never been invited to that part of her life before and we all talked openly about making it a weekly event along with a third couple from town, at a different house each week. they talked about us having kids soon....i think she was a little uncomfortable about such direct talk, which made me uncomfortable too.

 

all in all a good night. she wants me to come to bed now so i will...shes getting nervous about what im up to out here i think. time to go kill her with affection that she is seeking then watching her turn cold on me...ill try to keep my **** together when it happens this time.

 

i am a monk balancing between my anger making me force her away and my fear of losing her pulling her. trying to stay in the middle is my goal.

 

more to come, and thanks you for the posts.

[Kael]

First off, I know I posted already. But I put more thought into it and wanted to add to my response.

 

Ok, she asks for a break. Then she runs off with some other guy after you two have been together for 5 years. She didn't tell you about the texts/relationship before the break. I am willing to bet that she didn't tell you EVERYTHING they did physically either.

 

She still likes the OM. She basically threatened you that if you don't accept her apology and take her back that she will hook up with the other guy and forget about you. Why would you want to be with someone who blatantly abuses your love to get what she wants?

 

She is going to hurt you again. The OM is not going to stop calling and texting. She is going to keep accepting his contact, but, she will hide it from you.

 

Listen to me man, you are play with fire, and you are the one that is going to get burned.

 

How do I know all this? My girlfriend of 7 yrs did the same thing. She took a break. Hooked up with a guy that she had secretly been developing a relationship with. We got back together after she pleaded that she wanted to be with me and that the OM meant nothing to her. I took her back because I THOUGHT I truly loved her. The thing is, I loved who/what she used to be. Not the cheating, lying, manipulative b*tch she became.

 

It was good for a little while. She promised to cut ties with the OM. We went on a trip. During OUR getaway, she receives a text from the OM saying "Have fun on your trip!" I was PISSED but eventually shrugged it off. We finished our trip. Had great sex, etc. Then, she dumped me again 3-4 days later. A month later, the OM is posting on her facebook wall still. I know he's still in the picture. Fortunately, now, I don't care. I went NC and I am now in control of my life and happiness.

 

 

MY POINT IS THIS:

 

How can you trust her now? She hid this relationship from you before. She will do it again. She likes the other guy. She can't make that go away. If she REALLY loved you, this would've never have happened. But, for the sake of argument, some people do make mistakes. HOWEVER, if she was truly sorry for what she did, she should've owned up to it and not threatened to hook up with the OM while you took time to decide. The fact that it wasn't just a one night fling means she did NOT feel sorry for it. She is only trying to make things work with you now because of your history. She knows you are the right one for her, but she can't get her attention off the other guy.

 

She is NOT sorry. She is selfish and you are letting her walk all over you. End this sour relationship. Go NC. And have her begging to come back, without all the threats like she gave you before. Then, YOU can decide if you really want to even be with her. You getting back together with her with the fear of her going to the OM is BS.

 

I promise you that you will feel BETTER knowing that you took control of the situation. How will you feel when you find out she is still in contact with him, or, even worse, if she is still having a relationship on the side?

 

Personally, I couldn't marry someone that lies, deceives, and manipulates. That's not love. You can do better. Don't be afraid of the unknown. There are plenty more fish in the sea...

 

I am passionate because it happened to me in a VERY SIMILAR situation. If you STILL want to give it another try, just go into it knowing that history repeats itself.

 

Take it for what it's worth. My 2 cents...

[Pipeline010]

thank you so much for your post and background kael. i have no idea how women can be so damn mean and heartless to someone they claim they 'love.'

 

i think we (men) are dealing with a generation of women raised on nonsense television shows and hollywood pushing infidelity as some 'great escape' and something romantic. infidelity is not romantic, its evil hurtful heartless and cruel. add in an age of communication overload and we all sit in relationships that have the potential of being one freaking FB message from some loser from breaking you up.

 

speaking of losers, this OM...what a chief. lives with his parents, works at a hardware store, UGLY dude. i sometimes wish women worked like men a bit more...physically i outclass this guy in every category..she told me when her one friend saw a pic of the OM she was completely confused as to what she was doing based on looks alone. alas, women don't work like guys do.

 

to answer your comment more directly kael, i agree...i am having an EXTREMELY hard time trusting her right now that she is not in contact with him...he was away for the weekend and i felt like we were making headway. he got back to town monday morning and now she seems..odd.

 

Morning Update:

 

last night was blah. gave her an hour long massage (she has a terrible back). she said she didnt want to take her shirt off cause she felt uncomfortable. ouch. seriously.

 

after that was over she said thank you and fell asleep on her back with zero affection towards me.

 

woke this morning in a little panic. she noticed it and woke right up and i told her i was going crazy. she knows what this means.

 

she rolled over and put her arms around me, gave me tons of affection. i asked her if she was in contact with him at all and she promised she wasn't at all. said she hadn't seen him since he popped in on her last week and no contact except for the note on her car monday morning (which she never saw). i want to believe her. i don't right now.

[Kael]

Once she stops giving you physical attention, that means she is hiding something imo. My girl did the same thing. Halfway through or break we had sex a few times. 2 weeks later she is distant and barely would kiss me. Turned out she was spending the night with the OM. She was getting her physical attention from him. I am also in the same boat when it comes to physical attraction. I outclass the OM and am more successful. She gravitated to him while she and I were in a long distance relationship. He was somewhat to blame but she allowed his advances...

 

 

Tread lightly my friend. She is lying to you. She is still in contact with him. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprise if she is doing some physically with him...

 

She should be all over you if she loved you and if her mind was solely focused on you. To her, she cares about you but not in love with you. (I wouldn't be surprised if she dropped that line on you.)

 

It's a ticking time bomb. Every situation is different...but it sounds awfully similar to what happened to me. Good luck

[Pipeline010]

thanks kael. i agree completely. it is a ticking time bomb...

 

i'm trying my best to manage both my anger and my fear. she seems to be committed to 'trying' to work things out (hate that she uses the word try, but w/e) but i agree she would be more affectionate if she really was in NC with him.

 

As of now, though, she has no access to her facebook, doesn't know/have his email address, and she has turned her phone of and doesn't have access to it...it's with a friend. As I type that I realize I should start up some snooping to see if she doesn't already have it back in her possession, though. That'll be my homework for tonight. I've asked her to have her phone number changed and she reluctantly agreed but has yet to make the change. ouch.

 

As for sexual advances, she has been on her period since we started the NC with the OM. Her periods are really really nasty, oftentimes she can't even go to work, just lays in bed holding herself and crying. Any type of sexual stimulus makes the cramps worse. It has always been that way since day 1. I always thought a good orgasm helped girls with cramps, but when I first tried that with her she was in blinding pain right after.

 

Her sex drive always comes back with a vengeance right after her period ends, though. I know my anxiety is going to go through the effing roof if I don't see that side of her this time...i'll be 100% convinced she's getting it elsewhere, whether it's true or not.

[Pipeline010]

She should be all over you if she loved you and if her mind was solely focused on you.

 

that's the silver bulet right there, though, i think....her mind is NOT focused solely on me. she openly admits that to me when i ask.

 

she has feelings for him. she misses him. she had a better time hanging out with him then she is having now with me. right now she feels kind of trapped with me. these are the things she admitted to me in our heart to heart a couple nights ago.

 

but she says she knows that what she was doing was a mistake. basically her root thesis on staying with me right now is that she knows she loved me like crazy before and had set up all these plans for our life together; if those feelings existed before then she may be able to have them exist again. she says right now she has a hard time seeing any future further then today. but she wants to try and see if we can work things out.

 

damn, those are some weak ass statements from her huh? can't believe I'm holding my life up on that kind of pathetic offering. (there's my anger welling up again.).

[Kael]

You need to bounce. She can't make herself fall back in love with you. You need to man up and tell her you are done. If she means what she says, she will beg and plead. She will not even think about the OM. Unfortunately, my girl said everything yours did.

 

Trust me on this, you should end it now on your own terms while you still can. She doesn't feel it anymore with you and it is only a matter of time before she can't fake it anymore. Drop her and go NC. If she goes back to the OM, she was never telling you the truth in the first place. If she says and does all the right things after you dump her, then you can decide if you want to be with her...

 

I wouldn't though. What would happen if you are married for 5 years and have two kids and she gets bored or has some other guy showing her with attention? What would prevent her from doing this again?

 

For right now, her mind knows you are the best guy for her. But her heart doesn't say the same thing. Women go with their heart. Why would you settle with being one of two guys on her mind? Get her off the pedestal. You deserve better...

Edited September 22, 2010 by Kael

[Pipeline010]

kael you are stoking my anger side and you really make me want to give in to it once and for all. i tried 3 times to do it already.

 

the first 2 times she was fine with it. showed little remorse and was just like 'ok.' this was when she was spending basically every night with him even tho she was 'taking time for herself.'

 

the 3rd time i went at her she broke down in tears to the floor. 'whats wrong with me, i am so ****ed up, this decision should be so easy, help me, etc etc etc.' i took her back and we made a plan. she would 100% cut contact with the GD OM.

 

we discussed that she would likely be in withdrawal over this guy for a minimum of two weeks and maybe as long as 2-3 months. we are on day 6.

 

is patience the key? am i setting myself up? is she such a damn sociopath that she can't just go without making the world think she 'tried' to work on things with us? can she not see herself as someone who would leave for another man? does it HAVE to be because she just 'doesn't feel that way anymore' and can't possibly be because she's a heartless jumping cheating bitch with no moral compass?

 

im beginning to believe she's a sociopath. wtf am i doing.

[Pipeline010]

back into anxiety hell today. exactly where i don't need to be.

 

she had to go to a funeral in her hometown today; i had asked her last night if she wanted me to go with her and she said no, that she didn't really know many of the people that well and it would make her even more uncomfortable if I was there as well.

 

my anxiety tells me she saw her OM today (hes from her hometown). my anxiety tells me she's back in contact with him.

 

i asked her to message me throughout the day with updates. they started with 'i love yous' and ended with 'im coming home.'

 

my anxiety tells me she is resenting that i asked her to update me. my anxiety tells me she got her phone back and is using it to contact him.

 

we have the counselor tonight...i've been trying to hold on and stuff up my crazy as much as possible until tonight. been holding onto it for days. i want to leave this mess. i dont want to be hurt anymore. but i love her. i dont want to leave her if shes being 100% honest with me which she swears she is. if i leave her when she's ACTUALLY giving it her all I would be such a fool. i just don't trust her. i dont know what to do.

[Sunny-side-up]

kael you are stoking my anger side and you really make me want to give in to it once and for all. i tried 3 times to do it already.

 

the first 2 times she was fine with it. showed little remorse and was just like 'ok.' this was when she was spending basically every night with him even tho she was 'taking time for herself.'

 

the 3rd time i went at her she broke down in tears to the floor. 'whats wrong with me, i am so ****ed up, this decision should be so easy, help me, etc etc etc.' i took her back and we made a plan. she would 100% cut contact with the GD OM.

 

we discussed that she would likely be in withdrawal over this guy for a minimum of two weeks and maybe as long as 2-3 months. we are on day 6.

 

is patience the key? am i setting myself up? is she such a damn sociopath that she can't just go without making the world think she 'tried' to work on things with us? can she not see herself as someone who would leave for another man? does it HAVE to be because she just 'doesn't feel that way anymore' and can't possibly be because she's a heartless jumping cheating bitch with no moral compass?

 

im beginning to believe she's a sociopath. wtf am i doing.

 

OK.. As a woman, my two cents.

Firstly, no affection towards you is bad.

Secondly, the fact she aint changed her number yet is bad.

She's in decision mode...

 

People do make mistakes and infidelity does happen. FACT.

 

However, what they and you do about that is another matter.

 

Don't start prying around her personal stuff trying to find out if she's lying or not, you'll do both yourself and your relationship even more damage. I've done that in the past.... you'll drive yourself crazy! You don't want to do that to yourself.

 

It makes sense she's missing him just now... bet you can cut the air with a knife at your place given all the tension... that's not going to help your cause.

 

Also, asking her and being needy about what she's doing doesn't show you in a good light.

 

Remember this.

YOU ARE THE BETTER MAN. Hold your head up high and show your confidence in that.

 

You need to tell her straight.

 

You love her, you want to be with her but you're not going to waste your time with her if she isn't going to give 100% to your relationship.

So, she either acts that way, or she leaves. Her decision.

 

Then, go about your life. If she wants you, she will come when she feels you're prepared to walk away without emotion.

 

If she wants to throw away your relationship for a fling with a complete looser then she's deluded. Let her get on with that.

[Kael]

Well, pipeline, give us an update. What happened at therapy? How are things today?

[Pipeline010]

thanks for asking kael. it honestly makes me feel good to know someone is interested at the very least .

 

i found out last night that she was still on contact with him. she opened up a new email address i didnt know about to send him messages.

 

turns out she does tell him she loves him

 

she 'hates this'

 

she wants to be with him all the time

 

she dreams about him every night and wakes up 'in his arms'

 

signs all her notes "your sally" (nom de plume, obviously).

 

when i found out she was right next to me but she didnt realize it. i calmy stood up, smiled, said i was going for a walk. called my mom. talked it out.

 

came back in pseudo-calm:

 

"why do you want to be here?"

her> "what do you mean? i want to try to fix us"

"no you don't. why are you here?"

her - getting angry > "yes i do, of course i do"

"if you were really trying to fix things you wouldnt be talking to him, and you are"

her -angry > "no i'm not!"

"you need to stop lying...i know everything....just stop"

 

she broke down, hyperventilations, tears, more of "im so ****ed up, i dont know whats wrong with me, etc etc etc"

 

i asked her if i needed to get myself tested for VDs. she said absolutely not, she did not have sex with him, absolutely not.

 

i refused to let her make me make the decision on whether to end..i had decided that before i went home. if she wants to go, SHE would need to choose. but she WAS going to choose, once and for all...tonight.

 

she said she wanted to stay and learn how to stop lying. i handed her her computer to message him...(this is the 3rd time we've done this). she messaged him, 'i need to let you go, i need to focus on me and my relationship, please respect this, etc etc.'

 

wake up this morning....i grab her computer...he had sent her 6 messages over the evening. i had a new gem waiting for me in one of them:

 

him> 'i just need to be inside you one more time, taste you one more time....'

 

awesome.

 

i approach her AGAIN. im breaking down, shaking, all kinds of ****ed up. she realizes shes cooked. she breaks down, tries to hold me i push her off. she swears she'll show me she loves me again, shes so ****ed up, blah blah ****ING blah. i get dressed for work.

 

i say 'what are you going to do when he shows up here 10 minutes after i leave.'

her > 'what?'

'dont BS me, he is GOING to be here the second I leave, what are you going to say when he says he loves you too much and will never let you go.'

her > ' ill say i love you too much and i'll never let you go.'

 

i leave, he shows up. they talk. heres the summation:

 

him > "it was so great seeing you today, i love you"

her > "i wish the circumstances were better, i'm sorry"

him > "you can have all the time you need and i respect that. i will be waiting and i love you"

her > "i just have to do this. thank you for telling me that you'll wait."

 

how do i know all this? b/c i do, thats why..this isn't in my head, trust me its 100% all facts this time.

 

best part was i could sense when she re-established contact, anxiety shot right back up; she told me I WAS PUSHING HER AWAY. IT WAS MY FAULT! thats all she wants..is to make this MY fault.

[lunita]

Reading this stressed me out and made me super angry. Kick that biznatch to the curb. Holy. If I was single I'd want to be the girlfriend you deserve. That is plain f'd up. You deserve better.

[Sunny-side-up]

Don't understand why she's hanging around with him waiting in the wings... what's her motives?

 

Anyway.. time to call it a day.

 

She has to go

[GorillaTheater]

Here's where your anger will save you. Not kicking-OM's-ass-and-getting-thrown-in-jail anger, but the kind of righteous anger that makes you look in the mirror and say "why in the hell am I subjecting myself to this crap?" The kind of anger that overrides your fear.

 

Because that's one of your biggest problems right now: fear. It's perfectly natural to be scared of being in a relationship in it's death throes. Besides not wanting the OM to "win". But recognize these emotions for what they are: unproductive crap feelings that are not serving your best interests and which will likely change down the road anyways. Don't be a hostage to your fear, all it'll get you is doormat status.

 

Tap into that anger and use the clarity it gives you to do the right thing and take your life back.

[Kael]

Like I said before, YOU need to end it now. How many more times does she need to lie for you to take action? You deserve better. I an sorry for your loss. I know it hurts because I've been there...

[Pipeline010]

well, she made the decision to stay...i was still refusing to make it for her.

 

mistake? yea most likely...shes a lier and a cheat.

will she do it again? maybe/probably.

 

i'm willing to see it out.

 

does this mean i'll be back here in a few days telling everyone about how she did it to me again? yea, most likely. but i'm going let it happen.

 

my eyes are wide open here. she has been told she needs to earn my respect, trust, and love back. as a result, she has 180'd, for now.

 

she sent him a message telling him to stay away and that she cannot see him for the rest of her life. SHE is now doing the internet searching on how to save a relationship and right wrongs. me? i'm searching nothing...i've emotionally checked out for now and she knows it. she's fighting for me this time....maybe.

 

the loser OM is still messaging her but she's not even checking them anymore, although i see them. i sent him a message last night...he didn't even reply..he's literally petrified of me now...sending her messages asking her what im capable of, who are my friends that are looking for him, etc etc. i have taken the handcuffs off everyone that has been begging me to let them at him.

 

additionally, i've made it extremely clear to her the new result of her actions: if she continues there will be blood, cops, police reports, and hospital bills. she's not the kind of girl that wants to see that stuff....maybe...

 

want to call me an idiot? i can't say you're wrong at all.i have NO business trusting this girl. and i don't...but i'm still here...so i AM an idiot.

[Pipeline010]

here is the only message he'll ever get from me. the background is that his responses from her message to leave her alone included two choice pieces of info:

1. i'm controlling her

2. who the hell do i think i am

 

i sent this last night and got no reply:

 

'I'm writing you to let you know who I am and what is happening here.

 

XXXXXXX has asked you to leave her alone. She asked this many times, and you don't respect it.

 

She has decided that she will be working on our relationship along with me. She knows that in order to do that she needs to say goodbye to you forever. That is what all this means.

 

I am not controlling her in any way shape or form. These are her decisions, she's a grown woman with her own phone and car. If she wanted to leave me she's welcome to leave right now.

 

She's chosen to stay and to not ruin her, my, or our families lives by continuing this mistake. She decided, not me.

 

As to who I think I am? I am her fiancé, lover, best friend, and partner and have been for a very long time.

 

I'm sure this hurts you, and I'm truly sorry for that. But you asked for this when you actively pursued an engaged girl. You relentlessly pursued her inappropriately, and this is the result of your actions. I'm sorry that you're hurting, but you brought it on yourself.

 

Learn from your mistakes and grow up. A confused depressed girl does not make a good girlfriend. She's the love of my life and I am hers. Rest assured, we will work this out and you will be forgotten.

 

Move on with your life, and be smart enough to not show your face in this town again.'