kuma Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 If you could live your life all over again, would you marry the same person?
Minnie09 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 No. Had I known what I know now before I got involved with my XH, I would have never married him.
quankanne Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 probably – I had not intended to be married, ever, but then he came into my life and here we are. My life is all the richer because of him and I can't honestly imagine being able to do this with anyone else. that said, there are prolly a few things I would have approached differently ...
LittleTiger Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 If I got to live my life all over again, there are so many things I would have done differently I don't think I would have been in a position where I was likely to marry him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
redtail Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Even though I'd like to say I wouldn't marry my first wife again given the chance to redo my life, circumstances of that marriage are what brought me to my second marriage. There are so many choices that alter our path, to review that particular choice as if I could have made a better choice, is to ignore all the others. I am a product of all my past choices, so no, I wouldn't change anything because I'm happy with where I am now.
Stung Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) As others have touched upon, if I had another life to start over with I would probably want to do some things differently--at least a couple of fairly major things--and I can't begin to guess how that would change the overall structure of my life. If I had perfect knowledge of what would change what, I would try to keep the outcome the same, but with a few variables improved, if that makes sense. If I met him and we were basically the same people we were in this life, yes, I would absolutely marry him again. Edited September 21, 2010 by Stung
xxoo Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Yes. If I hadn't married him years ago, I'd marry him today. In fact, I'd be much more sure about the decision today than I was back then. Then, we just really WANTED to be together. We were best friends, and shared animal attraction, but were unsure how it would all work out. Now, I know how well we work as a team, what we can handle together, and what kind of adults we've matured to become (we were married young), and it seems like a much safer bet
Author kuma Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 My H and I only dated for 5 months before we got married. Then reality hit me. We really didn't have things in common. I thought I married the wrong person. I had second thoughts. But somehow we made it through. We feel right for each other now. I would marry him again.
Mimolicious Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 If you could live your life all over again, would you marry the same person? Obsolutely not! I would marry the guy that I married. I wouldn't marry the men he turned into. That's what happens when you raise each other. If I knew then...
EnigmasMuse Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 "If you could live your life all over again, would you marry the same person?" Probably not, after all we got divorced for a reason.
taiko Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 We both would have avoided the problems of our past, which made us available for each other and not already married by the time we met.
Author kuma Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 I wouldn't marry the men he turned into. Some people change after they get married. My H & I are older and have more patient now but I have to say that our marriage was no picnic when we were younger.
crazycatlady Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I wouldn't change anything. No matter the heartache, the pain, the struggle everything I wouldn't change a thing. I love my husband, I love my children, I love my life. No its not perfect, and yes it could be better, but if I changed something, would it definately make things better? I honestly don't know. So since I am happy now, I don't want to change anything. Perfection is not possible, I wouldn't want to change anything because dang this is kinda nice. I like it.
Author kuma Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 I'm afraid I wouldn't! I've read some of your posts. I hope things work out for you...
scatterd Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Yes I would but it also took three times to get it right,we have had problems but who doesnt and the ones I have with him are easier to deal with then the ones I had with the other two.
giotto Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I've read some of your posts. I hope things work out for you... Thank you! It's ok at the moment, I'm not the happiest, but bearable... but I wouldn't make the same mistake... although I didn't know at the time!
luvstarved Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 The circumstances surrounding and leading up to my M seemed so intensely "meant to be" that when difficulties arose, I sort of felt like, wow, did I misread that or what? The scenario was somewhat complex and the coincidences and timing to both of us felt like we had been brought together intentionally by some higher power or God or whatever/whomever the big boss is... Remembering this is part of why I have doggedly fought for this marriage through many difficulties. After 14 years, 3 of bliss, and 11 of alternating between hell, limbo, and heaven, we are finally starting to feel like we've made great progress and I have really come back to feeling like we were meant to be, and that it was stupid of me to assume that that meant unwavering joy and certainty. This is my 2nd M, though there have been a grand total of 5 engagements and numerous other dating partners... Overall, I feel that everything I have done in relationships was based on doing my best with what I knew at the time. So I have no major regrets, only a few minor ones that I don't dwell on. To answer the question more directly, though, yes, I would marry him all over again.
finding_serenity Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 no.i definitely would not,would never marry my H again.
Author kuma Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 The circumstances surrounding and leading up to my M seemed so intensely "meant to be" that when difficulties arose, I sort of felt like, wow, did I misread that or what? The scenario was somewhat complex and the coincidences and timing to both of us felt like we had been brought together intentionally by some higher power or God or whatever/whomever the big boss is... Remembering this is part of why I have doggedly fought for this marriage through many difficulties. After 14 years, 3 of bliss, and 11 of alternating between hell, limbo, and heaven, we are finally starting to feel like we've made great progress and I have really come back to feeling like we were meant to be, and that it was stupid of me to assume that that meant unwavering joy and certainty. Wow, I can totally relate! no.i definitely would not,would never marry my H again. Have you attended any MC? Thank you all for your posts. I appreciate them very much.
finding_serenity Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Wow, I can totally relate! Have you attended any MC? Thank you all for your posts. I appreciate them very much. nope.. He's alcoholic, psychologically abusive,he puts me down and tries to destroy my self-esteem.im just waiting to save enough money and I'm outta here.
Author kuma Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 nope.. He's alcoholic, psychologically abusive,he puts me down and tries to destroy my self-esteem.im just waiting to save enough money and I'm outta here. I agree you should divorce. I wish you all the best. ((hugs))
elaina Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 (edited) If you could live your life all over again, would you marry the same person? Hello Kuma, No. I got married when I was 23, but I was still very immature. My exhusband isn't perfect either, but we did love each other, though I don't think neither once of us truly understood love that keeps a married couple together and commitment very well. My ex is married again, and even though it seems weird for me to say this, I think he and his new wife are more compatible in personality and in being good friends and in their lifestyles. I am happy for them, even though I'm sad that I didn't work on the marriage and was immature when I was married to him. (I asked for the divorce.) Hopefully I am growing in maturity, and hopefully he is growing with his new wife, and that is fine. If I could go back to before the divorce, I would have not divorced but would have worked harder for the marriage and have understood some things better, but if I could go further back in time, I wouldn't have married him, even though he is a great man and we had wonderful times together. I just think we didn't complement each other very well in some areas, though in other areas, like sex, we had a blast. I think we basically married for sex, even though we didn't think so at the time. We were deeply infatuated/in love with each other when we got married, but floating on the clouds doesn't last forever. It's important to marry someone one is compatible with in hopefully all areas or else who one or both partners are willing to compromise on things, and when one does get married, to mature and grow along with the person and not let little things eat you up, which sadly I did. Edited September 24, 2010 by elaina
elaina Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 nope.. He's alcoholic, psychologically abusive,he puts me down and tries to destroy my self-esteem.im just waiting to save enough money and I'm outta here. Have you talked to someone from a woman's shelter? Sadly, there are many alcoholic husbands who hurt their wives physically or in other ways. Maybe they can help you with the divorce proceedings? It does cost money, but many women's shelters can fix you (and kids) up with lodging and with help with a lawyer that you pay off bit by bit when you get a job. They also help with custody proceedings for children. Many women's shelters do try to help women who are in situations like this. You might want to call and ask if they help women who are not physically abused, but I would think they do. ?
elaina Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 The circumstances surrounding and leading up to my M seemed so intensely "meant to be" that when difficulties arose, I sort of felt like, wow, did I misread that or what? The scenario was somewhat complex and the coincidences and timing to both of us felt like we had been brought together intentionally by some higher power or God or whatever/whomever the big boss is... Remembering this is part of why I have doggedly fought for this marriage through many difficulties. After 14 years, 3 of bliss, and 11 of alternating between hell, limbo, and heaven, we are finally starting to feel like we've made great progress and I have really come back to feeling like we were meant to be, and that it was stupid of me to assume that that meant unwavering joy and certainty. This is my 2nd M, though there have been a grand total of 5 engagements and numerous other dating partners... Overall, I feel that everything I have done in relationships was based on doing my best with what I knew at the time. So I have no major regrets, only a few minor ones that I don't dwell on. To answer the question more directly, though, yes, I would marry him all over again. Wow, that's awesome how you stuck by him through better or worse! May you and your husband have many more years of bliss!!!
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