Author TigerCub Posted September 26, 2010 Author Posted September 26, 2010 Actually, you are incorrect. That wasn't the issue at all. He begged and begged me to not leave him. He didn't like where S and I went on vacation. Simple as that. His idea of vacation was camping; but it wasn't mine. Not spending vacations together had NOTHING to do with the end of our marriage and up until year 8, there wasn't anything "fundamentally" wrong with the marriage. I was in the marriage, I would know My mistake. I appologize for assuming. I think we all base (a lot of) what we know about relationships from the relationships we witnessed growing up. My parents always did vacations together when I was young and I guess to me, that's what normal was. THat's how I thought - normal happy families to trips together - dads don't just do all their trips either on their own, with their buddies, or invite the APs. But I will admit that I was assuming that if people almost never vacation together then that's somehow I a sign. Now I know otherwise It is easy to sit back and blame the wife when you are in love with the MM. It is easy to say she got pregnant "on purpose". Why didn't he wear a condom? Again, easy to sit back and blame the other person -- instead of maybe blaming each of them. I'm not putting the blame on her alone. I think it takes both people to screw up a relationship As far as the getting pregnant on purpose, I dunno, I think there are enough women that do that kind of thing, so I didn't discount that accusation. Why didn't he wear a condom? Well if he's of the belief that she's on birth control, why would he wear one? - a lot of couples unfortunately bare back it. - yes, the pill isn't 100% effective, but I dunno, but you have to admit that there are plenty of women out there that do think "another kid will save the marriage" especially if its not looking good, and the guy wants out - never underestimate a woman! - well, some women I get why you are doing it, maybe you should look at him and the kind of person he was to cheat. Maybe take off the rose colored glasses in regards to him instead of making her out to be the bad one. Did she contribute to issues in the marriage? Probably; but I am not there (in their marriage). But I know no matter what SHE did, the answer he chose ---- to cheat ----- was not the correct way to handle issues. I agree with you. I think that what he did is wrong - and I'm not washing my hands of my part of the blame. I never thought that I would EVER in my life be in this kind of situation, but there I was. We both did wrong, and as far as he's concerned, his choice (to have the affair), or the multiple other times he cheated on her where it was stricktly sex, we wrong - that's not the way to deal with problems in an R, and that's certainly not how someone should treat someone they love. All those thoughts were always in my mind, that's why I was the one with the guilt issues when the A was going on. But I still did it, and that makes me just as guilty. I guess too many people get hung up on how relationships have to be PERFECT or IDEAL at all times. Couples go through rough periods. Couples that have communication, strength and many other qualities work together to get through those tough periods. Cowards run away or cheat, IMHO. No relationship is "perfect"; not even affairs. I agree, back in the day, I had idealistic views of relationships, then I opened my eyes and saw how almost everyone isn't all that happy in their Rs, especially after they have kids - I've become a huge cynic when it comes to Rs and this whole Affair mess has definitely made things worse. Still, I agree with you, that even if there are ups and downs, cowards cheat - and that's pretty much what he is. No rose colored glasses here. thanks for the reply
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