Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Jeez Sambo. I only introduced the kids to her 9/10 months after we started going out. They had no idea about her before that. And where do you get this disrespecting my wife from. As far as the break up with the wife is concerned, we (my wife and I) talked about this a while back and I think we both realised we'd emotionally checked out of the relationship some time before the end. Worst day in my life was the day I moved into my new place. I knew I'd never live full-time with the kids again, i felt lonely and a failure. But we also realised we both felt a sense of relief. I did what I'm doing now and throwing myself into various activities, meeting up with freinds atc. Was it a rebound, maybe, who knows. Felt like we had a connection. As I mentioned earlier we had discussed all the issues, "my baggage" if you like. A couple of times I thought to myself, "What is she doing with me and all these commitments. She surely won't be able to handle it. I should end it now". Then I thought I can't think for her and she should make her own decisions and I'll trust she knows what she wants. My bad again! Like Don said. She just got overwhelmed. Nothing else to say.
BigProc Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Blood yhell sambo, give the guy a break. He's come on here for advice and comfort, not to be slated, talk about kicking someone while they are down. He's clearly stated that him and his wife seperated on good terms. I know how he feels because i have a kid with a previous ex and like he says he waited a long while before he introduced his kids to his current ex.
Don Ho Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Bro, just stay backed off. You know what the real issue was. Don't discuss if she comes back around, just recognize the issue and keep it slow and easy.
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Yep. The issues are clear to me and theres ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do about them. Unfortunately in my head I seem to have to discuss what would happen if she came back (at the moment at least). Could I trust her to stay? I know I can't play with mine or my kids emotional well being. When I told her no contact she said she thought we could talk or see each other in a couple of weeks. I said that these kind of issues will take much longer than 2 weeks for her to sort out in her head and I didn't want to go through any more interminable talks about us. I feel relief that she's not around at the moment (and I'm sure she does as well) as well as sadness that my partner is not with me. If she were with me or we were talking at this point in time we'd being going round and round in circles. The issue (according to her and I believe or it's just me rationalising) is not about me as a man, someone she wants, it's about my "baggage" (hate that phrase) which unfortunately for her makes me the man I am! I'm the person I am because of the life I've lived beacause of my kids, because of my marraige, becasue of every othe relationship I've had and acknowledging mistakes I've made. Didn't stop me smothering her though and trying too hard. *** happens! Another lesson learned! I think she was a little shocked that I didn't think it would be appropriate to talk in two weeks. Didn't say this bit but if she did come back in 2 weeks and said yes that's what she wanted I wouldn't believe her.
Don Ho Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Well, your kids may well be her issue. IF so, there's nothing you can do about it. Sounds like maybe she just got to that point. Regardless, back off and see what happens. If she doesn't want to get involved with you bc of your kids, then she's not the right woman for you.
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Have you looked into the possibility of someone else being in the picture for her? Nothing makes one change their mind quite so much as a new love interest.
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Yep. Asked her. She said no. No reason not to believe her but who knows. All the other stuff is a believable enough excuse to bail. she's said she's never cheated on anyone and wouldn't. Either way she bailed. We don't have any mutual friends so I doubt I'd ever find out anyway if she doesn't get back in touch. On a side note about finding out things I defriended her from FB and deactivated my account the day after she broke the news to me. best thing I ever did. Also I'd go with the advice of getting them off your phone. I looked at my calls list the other day and saw her name. The phoned must have got knocked and dialled her number while it was in my pocket. It's always doing that. Luckily it was a 0 length call so I think it ended the call immediately so I hope she doesn't get a missed call notification!
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 You have a good attitude so stick with it. The ball is in her court. Any kind of reaching out to her now will be seen as weakness. You made your feelings crystal clear to her. Give her tons of space to let her work it out for herself.
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Just to add to the previous post it's not something I really know about as it would completely tear me up. However, it would have an effect on whether we reconciled. The ins and outs of reconciliation aren't whats on my mind at the moment. I'm going with the idea that it's never going to happen anyway. Only way I'll get over it.
hopesndreams Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Just to add to the previous post it's not something I really know about as it would completely tear me up. Of course it would tear you up but knowledge is power!
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 That should have read "really want to know about". Yep, knowledge is power but it's also agony and more agony I don't need at the moment and that's why NC is for me. Like I've said I've got no reason not to believe her.
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Just wanted to say I really appreciated all the posts that people have left (well except Sambos). I especially appreciate the comments about having a good attitude. I think I have but that's a combination of several things. Stuff I've learnt from LS, my own attitude towards life and age. However, attitude is one thing and actions are another. I am struggling with this and it seems there isn't a second in the day that I don't think about her. I am heartbroken. That's why all the stories on LS have been a real comfort. There's people on here that have had so many years together and I don't know how they can handle it. Anyway, thanks.
Sambo Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 (edited) Just wanted to say I really appreciated all the posts that people have left (well except Sambos). Look bud I have no personal interest in you or your life but I have found that most everyone in these forums is HURTING and when you hurt you can't think straight and that's why your posting. If you listen to other people that are hurting and not thinking straight too all that will happen is a pity party. That's all fine and dandy but it will only make you feel good for a little while. You left your wife and you dated a woman 14 years younger then you who got freaked out with your life and kids and left you. If you step back and look at this from a perspective of one of your buddies problems what would you tell that guy ? Be honest !!! We both know that you took a shot at a younger hottie but in your heart you knew that it was a risk, admit it. You come with a lot more baggage then she did right ? So it is what it is and the risks where always there and you knew them all along. I am tough on people in this forum for a good reason. I truly care because I know just how bad it feels to be where you are !!!!! I won't tell you fluffy feel good stuff just to make you feel good but I will ask you to look at yourself and see if there's a life lesson in your pain. 90% of the time there is. What did you learn ? Edited September 22, 2010 by Sambo
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 Hey sambo, I agree with everything you said. I questioned it, took a chance and I got burned. Should have known better. I will next time. Looked at myself, yes, looks like I made a mistake, yes. I accept that. Just the tone that grates is all and you calling me a douche bag and her a ho. Not nice. No one else seemed to get the sequence of events mixed up. I've got no doubt you care. Just a way of expressing it that I'm not used to.
Sambo Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Hey sambo, I agree with everything you said. I questioned it, took a chance and I got burned. Should have known better. I will next time. Looked at myself, yes, looks like I made a mistake, yes. I accept that. Just the tone that grates is all and you calling me a douche bag and her a ho. Not nice. No one else seemed to get the sequence of events mixed up. I've got no doubt you care. Just a way of expressing it that I'm not used to. I apologize for that ! I mis-read your original post and I'm sorry. Kudo's on the shot at the younger girl but she was probably just "the rebound girl" and I'm sure you will be fine. You obviously have some good thing going for you to get her in the first place No hard feelings I hope.
Author strangeways Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 No hard feelings. Probably right about the rebound. And yes, I'll be fine.
Don Ho Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Awesome! Now go find a young, hot ho you old douche bag!
BlueRidgeMTs Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Awesome! Now go find a young, hot ho you old douche bag! No, how about finding a slightly OLDER hot ho, like say 35 or something? I swear you men get older and you want to date women 15 years younger than you and wonder why it doesn't work out. (Unless older guy is rich). Get yourself an older, hot ho who will be willing to accept that you are someone's baby's daddy (x three) and can be the mature WOMAN you need. The older hottie might be less likely to bail just because you have lived a life. Plus at 35ish women are peaking sexually. LMAO She might work you over like a plate of buffalo wings.
Author strangeways Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 LMAO:) I tell you, I'll be leaving ho's of any age alone for a good while. Don't need the drama!! I'm lookng forward to be worked you over like a plate of buffalo wings though:p
Sambo Posted September 25, 2010 Posted September 25, 2010 No, how about finding a slightly OLDER hot ho, like say 35 or something? I swear you men get older and you want to date women 15 years younger than you and wonder why it doesn't work out. (Unless older guy is rich). Get yourself an older, hot ho who will be willing to accept that you are someone's baby's daddy (x three) and can be the mature WOMAN you need. The older hottie might be less likely to bail just because you have lived a life. Plus at 35ish women are peaking sexually. LMAO She might work you over like a plate of buffalo wings. No that doesn't work either !!! My ex was 44 and she left me for the guy with more money. That's a true Ho.
Author strangeways Posted September 25, 2010 Author Posted September 25, 2010 Yeah, sounds like a true ho. S**t. Doesn't sound like there's any hope. Young, old, you just never know LOL.
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