classof2014 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Ok. So I don't want to go into too many details but the females in my family life have had a rocky relationship with me to say the least (i.e. usual family stuff but worse). Anyways, I have now developed a fear of nearly all women. I don't try to, but every time I meet a girl I can't help but act ridiculously stoic around her (think Keanu Reeves in the matrix). I get a sense of dread that every girl only wants money, hates men, and is willing to ruin any man's life just for her enjoyment. Now, I know that what I just said is completely ridiculous but this is easier said than done. I tend to do better with asian women probably due to the subconscious part about them not being like my family (other racial groups aren't really present in my area). The worst part though is when I go online all I read about is how america has become a man-hating country and the more successful a man is, that means a more a woman can take from him. I've even considered moving to another country after grad school. Any advice on how I can calm myself when meeting women and how to in a more reasonable way, separate the good from the bad? I don't hate women. Im just really afraid of them and the fact that we seem to live in a country that hates men. I just want to feel better.
that girl Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Repeat after me: Women are people. Women are people. Just like there are good men and bad men, there are good women and bad women. There are men out there who only use women for sex and there are women out there who only use men for money. Neither are the majority. The worst part though is when I go online all I read about is how america has become a man-hating country and the more successful a man is, that means a more a woman can take from him. This says a lot about the websites you are reading. I doubt you are seeing this stuff on CNN.com. Sites that skew heavily male are often pits of misogyny. A lot of those guys are just talking smack, but when a site is mostly male and mostly obnoxious they tend to get misogynistic. Women largely don't visit them and most men don't take this kind of stuff seriously (even if they don't challenge it when they should). You're in college, you probably have access to free therapy. Work on your issues with a professional and think about how your own choices fuel these unhealthy thoughts.
jamesum Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) Women do not hate men. But they do care about your money-making capability and there is nothing you can do about it. It is the same everywhere in this world. What you need to realize is that women are just inherently narcissistic/selfish because they are physically weaker and they give birth. So they cant help having the mental set of receive, receive, receive while they want someone who can always give, give, give. That is why traditionally, romance has always been about women being taken care of by men, never the other way around. It has always been about women receiving and men giving. Generally, men take great pride in being able to provide for their wives and kids. But, on the other hand, very very few women who genuinely feel the same about being the providers because no matter the circumstances are, they will always subconsciously value a man by how much he can give her. I heard about a man who was dying of cancer and kept on working two jobs even though his family told him to stop working. All I can say is that I understand why he did what he did. So the faster you come to terms with this reality, the easier life will be for you man. Edited September 21, 2010 by jamesum
squeaky Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Have you considered therapy? There are so many different psychological reasons why you might be feeling the way you do, and a therapist could help you pinpoint these and help you to change. I had a very low opinion of men for years, and with the help of a therapist, I was able to overcome many of my biases and become more objective and less generalizing. I'm much happier as a result.
phineas Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Find some chicks & purposefully put yourself in the friendzone. That way you can buddy buddy with them. Get to know them, train yourself to spot red flags early on. You'll be surprised to learn not ALL women are evil.
Woggle Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I feel the same way you do. It sometimes feels like some women just hate our guts and then when I defend myself I am labelled the misogynist. Just find a woman who is not like this though it is not so easy.
sweetjasmine Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Any advice on how I can calm myself when meeting women and how to in a more reasonable way, separate the good from the bad? Stop reading absolute garbage online, including some of the stuff on this message board, and get professional help.
Author classof2014 Posted September 27, 2010 Author Posted September 27, 2010 Thanks everyone!! Any other advice?
alclarkey Posted September 27, 2010 Posted September 27, 2010 Women pee, poop, and fart just like we do. They have body hair in strange places that they would rather people not know about, and flab they'd like to get rid of. They are just people, and their rejections are not death sentences. When one rejects you MOVE ON. There are 2,999,999,999 other women in the world.
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