ouch1121 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Some of you may have seen my posts from last week. New update. I did NC. He broke it thurs by asking me to send him pics from a recent trip and told me he was returning his bday that I gave him to me so I could get my money back. I didn't respond. Friday night, he texts me he's drunk and he really misses me. I didn't respond. He text me several more times and called me 7-8 times begging me to call him and telling me he really missed me and telling me he knew I missed him. I didn't respond. On Saturday afternoon he text and apologized for the calls and text the night before. He asked me to at least respond and let him know where we stood, whether I had moved on, was dating someone else etc. I didn't respond. He text again asking me to let him know so he could have closure if i had moved on. This from the man who didn't even have the courtesy to tell me we had broken up, just stopped contact with me after a fight. Sunday he texts asking me to the Charger game. Again no response. By the end of the day though I broke the contact and told him I knew he was seeing someone else and I knew that he lied to me. He denied lying and he denied seeing someone else. Background, the day we stopped talking on Sept 8th, he told me he was going to the race tracks with his bro and friends but did not invite me. I told him I was hurt about it and we fought and he just didn't call me again. Last tuesday I saw a pic from that night and he wasn't at the races, he was at the padres game and he had his arm around another girl. So back to yesterday texts, he says he met her that night and after we fought he was done with me. He said he didn't hold back that night and felt attracted to that girl and got her number and went out with her two nights later. He said that he kept thinking about me when he was out with her. He said he didn't contact her again. (not certain about that one...) He said the whole last week he was really missing me and thinking about me and realizing that he took me for granted and treated me like ****. I kept telling him I was done and just wanted to work on myself because he took away my self esteem and self worth and I felt like I was never good enough for him. He says he has had a break through and realized that he resented me because he felt like he had no other options than me. He went straight from his marriage break up to me and felt like he had to be with me and he resented it. Stating he felt like he was so dependent on me and hated that he felt like he needed me in his life and that's why he didn't appreciate me. He says the whole last week he realized that he didn't need me in his life, that he could survive without me, but he also realized that he wanted me in his life. He said he realized that i was a great girl and that he was lucky to have me in his life, that he was lucky to have someone who would do almost anything for him and that he wanted to show me that he really appreciated me and wanted me to realize that he was choosing to be with me, not because he felt dependent on me but because he loved me and my qualities. I broke down and let him back in. He's never said any of these things to me before. I realized that he was resenting me and felt a lot of animosity from him before. I'm just worried, is this too good to be true? Is one and half week away long enough to realize that I'm someone truly wonderful and someone to be treasured. Was going out with another girl that was truly gorgeous and seemed like a really great girl too enough to make him realize that I was the one for him? Will the animosity return? I don't know... I don't want to be hurt like I was last week. Some of you remember I couldn't go to work for 2 days, took nyquil to sleep, didn't eat or drink. I was a mess and if I could have missed work longer I would have.... Shannon, you remember what a mess I was.... Sorry so long...
Ajax Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Ouch, I've been following your posts, and here's what I think. From what you've said, it sound like he realizes that you're worth fighting for. Is a week long enough to realize you're the one he wants? Maybe, maybe not. In the grand scheme of things a weeks isn't very long. There are plenty of people on here who take months to get back with there exes. But when you're in the thick of it, and away from the one you love, every day is an excrutiating eternity. If indeed he realized you were the one for him, a week is plenty long. I don't know him, and I can't say how he feels. And I don't want to give you advice that will hurt you in the end. But I think it's possible that he's being honest with you.
Author ouch1121 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Ouch, I've been following your posts, and here's what I think. From what you've said, it sound like he realizes that you're worth fighting for. Is a week long enough to realize you're the one he wants? Maybe, maybe not. In the grand scheme of things a weeks isn't very long. There are plenty of people on here who take months to get back with there exes. But when you're in the thick of it, and away from the one you love, every day is an excrutiating eternity. If indeed he realized you were the one for him, a week is plenty long. I don't know him, and I can't say how he feels. And I don't want to give you advice that will hurt you in the end. But I think it's possible that he's being honest with you. Thank you for the response Ajax. It's everything I wanted to hear but I'm so scared to be vulnerable again. I really felt like I hit rock bottom and I do not want to be there again. It was an excrutiating eternity and this site helped me maintain NC because it helped me realized too that I don't need him in my life and I can survive as much as it hurts and other's were surviving too. I guess I'll have to take this chance and hope he really changes for the better....
Lost Fish Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Hey ouch1121, To be honest I would really question things here. The fact that he so easily became attracted to another woman and had enough gumption to go out with her is pretty ballsy. However, he did realize that he was taking you for granted and apparently was remorseful and sincere enough to get you back. I would be very careful though. Because people do not change in a week and a half. Think about how hard it is to make a significant change in yourself - even something as simple as sticking to a regular exercise program or quitting smoking - something along those lines. It takes a lot of work and a complete reworking of thoughts and actions. I fear that he may slip back into your previous routine of the relationship. And now there will be added resentment on your side and suspicion about this girl and what may or may not have occurred with her. It's going to take a lot of honesty and communication for the both of you from here on out. But people have made it through worse and it looks like there is still hope... but I would be very cautious. Good luck to you both and let us know how things play out over the next few weeks / months. Loveshack will always be here for ya - it's a great thing about this site really...
Author ouch1121 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Hey ouch1121, To be honest I would really question things here. The fact that he so easily became attracted to another woman and had enough gumption to go out with her is pretty ballsy. However, he did realize that he was taking you for granted and apparently was remorseful and sincere enough to get you back. I would be very careful though. Because people do not change in a week and a half. Think about how hard it is to make a significant change in yourself - even something as simple as sticking to a regular exercise program or quitting smoking - something along those lines. It takes a lot of work and a complete reworking of thoughts and actions. I fear that he may slip back into your previous routine of the relationship. And now there will be added resentment on your side and suspicion about this girl and what may or may not have occurred with her. It's going to take a lot of honesty and communication for the both of you from here on out. But people have made it through worse and it looks like there is still hope... but I would be very cautious. Good luck to you both and let us know how things play out over the next few weeks / months. Loveshack will always be here for ya - it's a great thing about this site really... Thank you Lost Fish. You are right, I am a bit guarded and cautious. I think only time will tell if he will change. Yes I was upset that he within a few hours of our fight, pursuing someone else and went out with her two days later. He said he wanted to be honest and told me that he did go out with her two days later and that the whole time he could only think of me. He said he didn't have to tell me that but he wanted me to know that even with another opportunity there, he didn't want it. He wanted me.... Sounds good but I just worry because it was only a week and a half. I told him maybe we both need to continue to work on ourselves and revisit this again in a few months and maintain NC. He didn't want to. He said he knows I will never contact him again. He's most likely correct. As much as it hurt, I was not going to be the first to break NC. I was accepting him out of my life. He said he wanted to work on us together and wants to boost my self esteem and self worth... I do worry and will proceed with caution. I do thank everyone on this site that has read my woes and provided me words of encouragement and honesty. It's amazing what the words of a stranger can do for someone else. I will keep you guys updated and will try to continue to support others who are dealing with heartache...
durkadurka Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 As a man who has been in this position before, a week is not nearly enough time. You can split men who want to get back into their relationship into two (maybe three categories). 1) Men that miss their companion 2) Men that miss the comfort of being in a relationship 3) Men that miss the comfort of their relationship even though it isn't good for either party involved in their relationship Most men fall into category three, it takes a lot more than a week of soul searching to really find out what went wrong, what needs to change, and if you can find it with your ex. Most guys just want to feel like they have someone, even if it isn't healthy.
Author ouch1121 Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 As a man who has been in this position before, a week is not nearly enough time. You can split men who want to get back into their relationship into two (maybe three categories). 1) Men that miss their companion 2) Men that miss the comfort of being in a relationship 3) Men that miss the comfort of their relationship even though it isn't good for either party involved in their relationship Most men fall into category three, it takes a lot more than a week of soul searching to really find out what went wrong, what needs to change, and if you can find it with your ex. Most guys just want to feel like they have someone, even if it isn't healthy. That's what I'm afraid of. That's why I kept trying to get him to take more time to really think about things but he says he knows now what he did wrong and what he needs to do to fix it. He could have started a new relationship with this girl though if he wanted to be in a relationship right? A new relationship also brings a lot of euphoric feelings and from what he has shared, it seemed like she was interested in him as well. I don't know, I'm so confused....
Lost Fish Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Another thing is that you don't need him to boost your self-esteem and confidence. Start learning to accept yourself. The fact that you took him back so easily is a bit troubling - most women would really fly off the handle at something like this - because they have self worth. Not to say you aren't worth it - but the exact opposite. You are worth so much more than you realize! To boost your self esteem think about the things that interest you and make you happy. What are you good at? Do more of it. Do things for you. If you are a musician then make music, a writer then write, a swimmer then swim...etc. Surround yourself with those who accept you for who you are and who you know would never abandon you. My main point is that he really should be the last person you look to for a confidence boost. And you should make him work to regain your trust and attention.
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