KarmasTestDummy Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Interesting thing happened today. If u recall from my story my h cheated on me, moved his mistress in under the pretense she was a friend who had nowhere to stay...and she lived with us while having 2 kids and lying to me for4 years. Today she emailed me and APOLOGIZED. completely out of the blue! Wow. Not sure how to react. Becoming an oW has put a different perspective in my mind around why she may have did what she did for so long. Love can make u do horrible things. Hurt people u honestly care about and manipulate situations to get ur way. I never thought I'd see the day where I told myself I could forgive her...but I feel okay. I feel closure. I don't feel mad.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 These situations always amaze me. So many betrayed spouses go onto to be the other and I wonder how is that possible when you know the pain that the other woman caused you? Is it a feeling of I survived it. I got through it and my mm's wife will to? I'm really curious about this. Did you email her back? Why do you think she is apologizing now? I wonder what happened. Ok since you can't here tone in written form this was all written very nicely and out of pure curiousity how it is you could allow yourself to take this role.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 These situations always amaze me. So many betrayed spouses go onto to be the other and I wonder how is that possible when you know the pain that the other woman caused you? Is it a feeling of I survived it. I got through it and my mm's wife will to? I'm really curious about this. Did you email her back? Why do you think she is apologizing now? I wonder what happened. Ok since you can't here tone in written form this was all written very nicely and out of pure curiousity how it is you could allow yourself to take this role. GG, No tone clarification needed. I respect where you're coming from and have asked myself the same exact question numerous times. To be honest I sincerely have no pure honest answer. I'm afraid my current role just sorta fell in my lap once I developed feelings for the mm, and bs (especially abused ones in my case) so often attach onto people quickly because of the lack of love and kindness they may have never had from their spouses. I don't negate at all the heartache our actions could bring to the wife, but it has been easier to accept in my circumstances as she was the one who started stepping out of their marriage first and only stays because he supports her and provides for her selfish little desires like manicures, shopping, hair appointments, nice new house, etc. I think it's a marriage of convenience for the both of them. Does it make it right? Probably not since neither is up front about it...but I have become an invested party, and it's easier to only think about my own needs when she is almost like a fictional character that I've only heard stories about.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) GG, No tone clarification needed. I respect where you're coming from and have asked myself the same exact question numerous times. To be honest I sincerely have no pure honest answer. I'm afraid my current role just sorta fell in my lap once I developed feelings for the mm, and bs (especially abused ones in my case) so often attach onto people quickly because of the lack of love and kindness they may have never had from their spouses. I don't negate at all the heartache our actions could bring to the wife, but it has been easier to accept in my circumstances as she was the one who started stepping out of their marriage first and only stays because he supports her and provides for her selfish little desires like manicures, shopping, hair appointments, nice new house, etc. I think it's a marriage of convenience for the both of them. Does it make it right? Probably not since neither is up front about it...but I have become an invested party, and it's easier to only think about my own needs when she is almost like a fictional character that I've only heard stories about. Thank you for answering. LOL ok I have to ask this. Do you know the bolded to be true or is this what he tells you? It is fascinating to me that you have judged her to not care about him and only care about her selfish little desires. Almost as if you are making it ok to do this because you feel she is a bad person. Edited September 21, 2010 by greengoddess
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Thank you for answering. LOL ok I have to ask this. Do you know the bolded to be true or is this what he tells you? It is fascinating to me that you have judged her to not care about him and only care about her selfish little desires. Lol...the question of the day usually does fall back on whether I trust him or if it is just what he wants me' to think. I have seen a couple of her personal ads she has on websites. And he has shown me' a bank statement one time that he had highlighted all up with every expenditure she made, and overdraft charges she caused just to get a $15 fill on her nails. He was livid and they had a big fight about it. I just got to be the one he ranted to and showed after the fact, but it did validate a lot of what he has told me'. She actually has a shoe club membership. I didn't think those things really existed.
greengoddess Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 LOL a shoe club??? What is his reason for staying with her if she cheated first and just wants him for material things? Sounds like an easy out to me. Did you find it to be extremely disrespectful when he was showing you his wifes bank statement. Sheeesh that is such an invasion of privacy. Don't you think maybe he was showing you that just to hook you in more and try to prove oh look how bad this is? LOL tone still very nice and very curious. This really fascinates me when you've been through it yourself.
Dexter Morgan Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Interesting thing happened today. If u recall from my story my h cheated on me, moved his mistress in under the pretense she was a friend who had nowhere to stay...and she lived with us while having 2 kids and lying to me for4 years. Today she emailed me and APOLOGIZED. completely out of the blue! Wow. Not sure how to react. well react how I did, even though the OM in my situation after we were in the process of divorce didn't call me to apologize. Tell her no problem, that she did you a favor. That his cheating ass is now her problem and she took out the trash for you.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted September 22, 2010 Author Posted September 22, 2010 LOL a shoe club??? What is his reason for staying with her if she cheated first and just wants him for material things? Sounds like an easy out to me. Did you find it to be extremely disrespectful when he was showing you his wifes bank statement. Sheeesh that is such an invasion of privacy. Don't you think maybe he was showing you that just to hook you in more and try to prove oh look how bad this is? LOL tone still very nice and very curious. This really fascinates me when you've been through it yourself. Neither are willing to give up custody. He wants her to go, but knows she will use the kids against him. So he's trying to work it out to where he has enough ammo to keep them.
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