Going to school with the ex

[justaguy123]

Ok so university just started up again and me and my ex are in the same program(thats how we met). Its been 7 months since Ive seen her and I still hate her guts for acting the way she did and how she was completely disrespectful and cowardly.

Anyway I see her in class and we ignore each other except for occasional glances. We haven't spoken. I know she I wont get rid of her because she is in the same program and I have come to terms with that. The problem I have is that she brings her new boyfriend (the one she left me for) to the class. He isnt even in the same program as us. It makes me really uncomfortable and I know she knows it. I thinks she is just doing it because she is trying to prove that she can do it. Or because she feels alone cause no one talks to her in the class anymore. Anyway my question is is what should I do about it? Should I just ignore it or should I confront her and tell her that she is being inconsiderate?

 

I feel that if I talk to her that that is showing weakness, but also if i dont she will probably think it is a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

 

Also if I talk to her and if she acts like a b*tch that I might not be able to control what I say and I might just lay into and tell her off. In one way that would feel GREAT but in another I know after that that everything would just be that more awkward.

 

So what do you guys think?

[ohno89]

God, I really feel for you. I'm about to start university again soon and will have to see my ex around and the girl he cheated on me and left me for. Luckily for me though, my ex isn't on my course and the girl doesn't go to university so I'll probably only really have to see them together on nights out.

 

I can't imagine what that must be like for you...can I ask what your history is, as in the break-up?

 

Hmm...it's a difficult situation. I can't believe that people like that who have already done the nasty to someone they used to care about, can then just happily wanna stick the knife in a little harder, like hasn't she done enough already?!

 

I think if it really starts to get to you, you may need to say something...you'd think it went without saying but sadly, if she was cruel enough to do what she did in the first place, she might even care less now what she does when she's not with you. I'm sorry if that's horrible to hear.

 

I would normally tell you to just try and put on a brave face to show her you don't need her and are happy without her but I don't really know what it must be like having to see her in class all the time; you can only put on a front for so long..

[justaguy123]

Hey thanks for the support. Yea I dont know what I should do. It seems like she is intentionally doing but I dont know. She can be completely oblivious to how her actions affect people so she just might not realize but still gezz what she is doing cant not be obvious.

 

Everyone in my program feels awkward when they walk into the room with and they all glance at me. I just dont know if I should go up and talk to her about it or not.

 

As for the history to make a long story short. We were about to move into an apartment together that weekend. We were completly happy (at least thats what I thought) then she comes around and says she cant be with me out of the blue. She says she needs to be single for a while and figure things out. Im heart broken and she leaves. Then I find out later that she has started seeing this guy (the one she is with now) three days after the break up. Then when I call her out on it she says its none of my business and even lies to our mutual friend about it. A bunch of other stuff happens and here we are.

 

Here is the link if you want to read it. It is long though.

[ohno89]

Hey thanks for the support. Yea I dont know what I should do. It seems like she is intentionally doing but I dont know. She can be completely oblivious to how her actions affect people so she just might not realize but still gezz what she is doing cant not be obvious.

 

Everyone in my program feels awkward when they walk into the room with and they all glance at me. I just dont know if I should go up and talk to her about it or not.

 

As for the history to make a long story short. We were about to move into an apartment together that weekend. We were completly happy (at least thats what I thought) then she comes around and says she cant be with me out of the blue. She says she needs to be single for a while and figure things out. Im heart broken and she leaves. Then I find out later that she has started seeing this guy (the one she is with now) three days after the break up. Then when I call her out on it she says its none of my business and even lies to our mutual friend about it. A bunch of other stuff happens and here we are.

 

Here is the link if you want to read it. It is long though.

 

JustAGuy - I just read your original post and it's scary how similar our stories are..literally, it was almost like I were reading something I wrote about my relationship! My ex was also my first love, he'd had a few before me, I thought WE were "different", probably because he told me so, that I was like family, that he never wanted to lose me, couldn't see his life without me etc etc...he'd even told me that when one of his past relationships ended, "it was okay coz I started to like so & so..." 'So & So' wasn't with him when I met him but they were very much still in contact and then I came along and she fizzled out...how I didn't notice the pattern back then, I will never know....far too naive, sucker for his lines I guess...i too got the old "we're too different line" then found outh he cheated on me, and went on holiday with the same girl within a month (coz she could get him free drugs out there...think that's what sold it to him!) and he moved in with her when they got back, so again like yours, everything happened really fast.....Jeez, is there a name for people like this?! There must be!?

 

Apologies for the huge rant, reading your post made me annoyed at our ex's and I needed to vent but it's so probably not what you need to know right now!

 

I only read a few of the replies in your old thread so I'm sure it's been mentioned but if it's any consolation, I really don't think their R is gonna last, not when she is how she is.... I always wonder if and who these people will ever end up marrying...who is finally gonna be able to tie these people down "for life" so they stop repeating this pattern?! I thought it would be me....HE thought it would be me but thank god it's not!

 

Me personally.... I don't wanna have the responsibilty of telling you to talk to her and then it not going down well and you getting hurt, if I'm honest! I would love to just say, carry on with your life as if she means nothing, like she's dead to you coz it'll hopefully make her feel awful but I realise that's easier said than done...do you think you could hold that up or do you really wanna say something to her? Did you ever get to really say anything to her, like gain closure from it?

[justaguy123]

Yeah I did gain closure.... well a little bit I guess. I called about a month after we broke up and asked her if she wanted to see if we could make it work. She then proceeded to tell me how much better her new man was then me and that I should get over her and find someone else. That did give me closure because she acted completely different then how I used to think of her. And I realized that she is too f'ed up to talk to and was completely disrespectful.

 

Honestly what I think I want most of all is an apology. If she came up to me and actually admitted that what she did was wrong I might just might be able to forgive her and things wouldnt be so awkward. But sadly that is never going to happen she is too stubborn and is one of those people who is always right.

 

Oh and dont apologize for huge rants. Thats what this site it for .

[ohno89]

Yeah I did gain closure.... well a little bit I guess. I called about a month after we broke up and asked her if she wanted to see if we could make it work. She then proceeded to tell me how much better her new man was then me and that I should get over her and find someone else. That did give me closure because she acted completely different then how I used to think of her. And I realized that she is too f'ed up to talk to and was completely disrespectful.

 

Honestly what I think I want most of all is an apology. If she came up to me and actually admitted that what she did was wrong I might just might be able to forgive her and things wouldnt be so awkward. But sadly that is never going to happen she is too stubborn and is one of those people who is always right.

 

Oh and dont apologize for huge rants. Thats what this site it for .

 

Gosh, that's awful.... I mean, I've never been the dumper in a serious relationship before so I really don't know how I'd handle it but I would certainly use some tact! Has she ever been dumped before?! I really don't think our ex's truly know what it feels like to be on the other side, it's the only way to explain their awful behavior...my ex came close to it and went a little off the rails, only to come crawling back because he couldn't handle it and stupidly, I took him back. Now, I don't wanna be wishing bad upon our ex's coz god knows I don't need that karma but I think for the sake of earning a little compassion and a few life lessons.... I really think it's time the shoe was on the other foot for our ex's!

 

I totally understand where you're coming from on the apology front; I felt like that for a long ass time but then I only realised that I was waiting for something that will never come and I do believe it can in fact, slow down the healing process. So my advice to you, is let go of that if you can because it probably won't come. If it does, it sure as HELL won't be anytime soon, trust me.... think of it like this, from their point of view - if you were your ex and you did everything to her that she did to you - even if you didn't show it - wouldn't you feel a little ashamed? guilty? More so tho, you've taken this huge risk and the last thing you want to happen is show in any way that you regret what you did. You're gonna make that R work, you're gonna appear happy as if you KNOW you did the right thing and the last thing you're gonna do - espcially to the person you did it to - is tell them that actually, you made a mistake, regret what you did and are sorry. Or even just say sorry. Pride and ego are two very big emotions and hard to knock down..people will do anything to protect them. Of course, if anyone else is reading this, they may think "what if your ex's DON'T regret their decision and that's why they're not saying it?" well....there's that chance too but...either way, an apology would be nice! I really don't think - in my case - maybe if my ex was ever alone, facing his darkest hour....maybe, just maybe, that's when it'll happen....but again, wouldn't bank on it. You need to let go of wanting this physical apology...YOU know in yourself that they made a mistake and should be sorry so accept that and move on.....your ex mayb feel it but sadly, you may never know...

[justaguy123]

So yea, its been a month now at school with her and still have not said a word to each other. She is in her part of the room and I am in mine. I guess this is the best way to go about it but it sucks. She still brings her new bf around, tho not into the classrooms anymore thank god.

 

I actually found it really pathetic when she did that. I still just want to yell at her every time I see her but I dont because I guess I am just to scared to do it. I know if I do I will just end up looking like she still bugs me and in my book that is a win for her.

 

I just wish that she would get out of my life forever. If only she could. If only she would just apologize for the way she acted. If only I could just move on from caring what she is thinking at all.

 

I honestly do want my anger for her to go away. I want indifference, when I see her in class, I want indifference when I see her with her boyfriend, I want indifference when she talks to my friends but ignores me and I want indifference that my friends still talk to her.

 

I guess Im not very mature if i get angry at her for talking to my friends. I should not care that they consider her a good person even tho I do not. Its just hard to see them be all chummy one second to her then come over and start talking to me. I just dont think she deserves my friends.

 

Anyway just thought I would vent that right now cause I just got back from class where all that just happening and it was bugging me.

 

Feel free to make comments, they would be appreciated .