wheelwright Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Now you have reconciled. Or not. Kind of a 'happy thread' for WSs?
ladydesigner Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 TBH I am happy we are still together after all has been said and done. I can look at my H again and feel attracted to him. Our sex life is fantastic. Our communication has improved. Our children still have their parents TOGETHER and we are actually happy and not fighting. We are doing more as a family now. Husband has become a better father. Hope it continues. Hope he never cheats again.
ladydesigner Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 TBH I am happy we are still together after all has been said and done. I can look at my H again and feel attracted to him. Our sex life is fantastic. Our communication has improved. Our children still have their parents TOGETHER and we are actually happy and not fighting. We are doing more as a family now. Husband has become a better father. Hope it continues. Hope he never cheats again or I for that matter (but I know I wont;)). Sorry meant to add the last line. Didn't mean to double post.
Author wheelwright Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 TBH I am happy we are still together after all has been said and done. I can look at my H again and feel attracted to him. Our sex life is fantastic. Our communication has improved. Our children still have their parents TOGETHER and we are actually happy and not fighting. We are doing more as a family now. Husband has become a better father. Hope it continues. Hope he never cheats again or I for that matter (but I know I wont;)). Sorry meant to add the last line. Didn't mean to double post. Great for you LD! One thing I like about you is that you are consistant. I hate it when one minute someone says one thing and then another. You seem to be on a roll with the keeping it together thing. I applaud! The family thing must feel lovely. I have something to ask you, so might PM if that is OK.
ladydesigner Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Great for you LD! One thing I like about you is that you are consistant. I hate it when one minute someone says one thing and then another. You seem to be on a roll with the keeping it together thing. I applaud! The family thing must feel lovely. I have something to ask you, so might PM if that is OK. Please feel free. Thank you for starting this thread!
2sunny Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 happy now is enjoying each day i get to be here... all on my own. i'm happy now on my own. i get to go where i want, when i want, with whom i want and for as long as i want! what's not good about that?
Silly_Girl Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Wheelwright. What makes YOU happy my friend? I hope you ARE happy(er).
Author wheelwright Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 Wheelwright. What makes YOU happy my friend? I hope you ARE happy(er). Curious you ask that.. Rather sadly, I am fWS who is trying to reconcile, and does not feel happy. Hence the thread asking for pointers.. I am happier, because I am not so messed up about xMOM. But I am a little lost in general where love is concerned (yes I sound like a teenager - bear with me till I grow up!) Can I let the other parts of the answer to this 'cut to thrust post' rest till others have lent their wisdom?
ladydesigner Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Curious you ask that.. Rather sadly, I am fWS who is trying to reconcile, and does not feel happy. Hence the thread asking for pointers.. I am happier, because I am not so messed up about xMOM. But I am a little lost in general where love is concerned (yes I sound like a teenager - bear with me till I grow up!) Can I let the other parts of the answer to this 'cut to thrust post' rest till others have lent their wisdom? You know WW I felt this way for a long time after my A had ended. I was so focused on why my XAP ended with me and the rejection that I couldn't even look at my own marriage. I finally grew sick of being in that turmoil and started to focus on my M and get back to what attracted me to my H in the first place. It has not been easy but progress is being made and everyday that I spend not thinking of my A and more on my H and marriage helps. More date nights, more sex...just more. I have finally forgiven my H for his A's and forgiven my XOM for ending with me. Especially my XOM ending it with me because if he had not I wouldn't be where I am today. I hope this sticks. Wishing you the same kind of peace. You deserve it!
Silly_Girl Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I really like your post LD, not complex and so clear. You sound really peaceful.
SidLyon Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I'm not a WS but I can really resonate (on behalf of my own fWH) with LadyDesigner's answers. Sorry that I'm yet again posting from his perspective. I sometimes wish he would post of his own volition. I often ask him some of the questions raised on LS and try to convey his responses but it's not the same. We definitely need more fWHs here, but if they are like mine they just want to get on with life and have no desire to post here.
Author wheelwright Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 I'm not a WS but I can really resonate (on behalf of my own fWH) with LadyDesigner's answers. Sorry that I'm yet again posting from his perspective. I sometimes wish he would post of his own volition. I often ask him some of the questions raised on LS and try to convey his responses but it's not the same. We definitely need more fWHs here, but if they are like mine they just want to get on with life and have no desire to post here. What you say is true is about this lack of WS responses - I am totally happy to hear a post by proxy. We'll deal with the fall out should it happen...
Author wheelwright Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 You know WW I felt this way for a long time after my A had ended. I was so focused on why my XAP ended with me and the rejection that I couldn't even look at my own marriage. I finally grew sick of being in that turmoil and started to focus on my M and get back to what attracted me to my H in the first place. It has not been easy but progress is being made and everyday that I spend not thinking of my A and more on my H and marriage helps. More date nights, more sex...just more. I have finally forgiven my H for his A's and forgiven my XOM for ending with me. Especially my XOM ending it with me because if he had not I wouldn't be where I am today. I hope this sticks. Wishing you the same kind of peace. You deserve it! Will I only get my peace if I grow sick of my unpeace? Is that the only way to work through it?
FryFish Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Maybe, wheelwright, as a cheater, you dont deserve to be happy?
Owl Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) What makes me happy now? The same stuff that made me happy before the affair. We laugh/play/have fun more than any other couple/family that we know. We lost that for a while around the timeframe of the affair...but it's just as fun now as it was before. My apologies...I just caught this was aimed at WS/fWS. Edited September 21, 2010 by Owl
aeh Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 I agree wholeheartedly with LadyDesigner. As a BS who then had a RA which makes me a WS, I completely agree. So happy we are still together. More sex, more cuddling, more discussion, sitting next to each other on the sofa (if not me in his lap!), more time for "us". I feel like I have forgiven my husband and myself for our transgressions and we are back to a better version of who we were before the affair(s). We are passionate and content. And I didn't think I ever would be.
ladydesigner Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Will I only get my peace if I grow sick of my unpeace? Is that the only way to work through it? (((wheelwright))) I can feel the unpeace straight through your post. I do believe that is what got me here, is that I couldn't do it to myself anymore, it was torturous. I finally let go. I really thought it was never going to happen, but it did. Many times after my A had ended I wondered if I really did fall out of love with my H, but every time we were on the brinks of divorce I felt, and my H felt, that we didn't want to lose each other. I really did love him and somewhere along the way we lost ourselves. Slowly but surely we came back to each other, both him to me and I to him. I believe we both must have felt a distance from each other and a huge disconnect (and obviously a void in ourselves) for us both to have had an A. Maybe you need more time WW. I do not think you will feel unpeace forever. I think at some point our bodies and our emotional state just need to finally let go and when it does you are set free. This could be a new interest, new friends, new places to see, anything. Replace your unpeace with peace. Maybe make peace with yourself. Every once in a while my mind will skip back to the rejection by XOM and then I think you know what it's okay. I'm okay and it doesn't matter anymore what happened or how it happened. There is so much to experience out there than to let yourself be bogged down by these thoughts. Live life to the fullest is my new motto and most importantly loving yourself. Wishing that you get the peace you are looking for.
Author wheelwright Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 Maybe, wheelwright, as a cheater, you dont deserve to be happy? Thanks for this. I'll spend the rest of my days in a hairshirt then, shall I? I wonder, have you ever committed any 'sins' for which you feel you have to renounce happiness? Or are mildly bitter swipes your raison d'etre?
Author wheelwright Posted September 23, 2010 Author Posted September 23, 2010 (((wheelwright))) I can feel the unpeace straight through your post. I do believe that is what got me here, is that I couldn't do it to myself anymore, it was torturous. I finally let go. I really thought it was never going to happen, but it did. Many times after my A had ended I wondered if I really did fall out of love with my H, but every time we were on the brinks of divorce I felt, and my H felt, that we didn't want to lose each other. I really did love him and somewhere along the way we lost ourselves. Slowly but surely we came back to each other, both him to me and I to him. I believe we both must have felt a distance from each other and a huge disconnect (and obviously a void in ourselves) for us both to have had an A. Maybe you need more time WW. I do not think you will feel unpeace forever. I think at some point our bodies and our emotional state just need to finally let go and when it does you are set free. This could be a new interest, new friends, new places to see, anything. Replace your unpeace with peace. Maybe make peace with yourself. Every once in a while my mind will skip back to the rejection by XOM and then I think you know what it's okay. I'm okay and it doesn't matter anymore what happened or how it happened. There is so much to experience out there than to let yourself be bogged down by these thoughts. Live life to the fullest is my new motto and most importantly loving yourself. Wishing that you get the peace you are looking for. Thank you for this. You really responded to me, even though you talked about you. I like that kind of post. If I make a wish, it is always for peace of mind. I don't know yet what will bring it, but I know that is my grail these days. You sound so happy now, and I have seen you (well OK read on LS) work through stuff to arrive there. I am glad for you.
FryFish Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 Thanks for this. I'll spend the rest of my days in a hairshirt then, shall I? You seem to do whatever you want... So keep doing that. I wonder, have you ever committed any 'sins' for which you feel you have to renounce happiness? Or are mildly bitter swipes your raison d'etre? Have you ever been cheated on by someone you loved and trusted fully? Or is callously destroying people your MO? Ya, no, I dont care about your happiness. You arent even remorseful.
thomasb Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 My family, my job, my pets. And once more feeling that I have Gods grace.
ladydesigner Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 You seem to do whatever you want... So keep doing that. Have you ever been cheated on by someone you loved and trusted fully? Or is callously destroying people your MO? Ya, no, I dont care about your happiness. You arent even remorseful. Her thread was directed at WS's are you a WS? It sure doesn't sound like it. Why would you crap all over her thread:rolleyes:
Gfkr2 Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) No reconciliation here. It's onto divorce for both us. What makes be happy is being with my WW XBest friend. That is so sweet:) Edited September 23, 2010 by Gfkr2
ladydesigner Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 No reconciliation here. It's onto divorce for both us. What makes be happy is being with my WW XBest friend. That is so sweet:) Wait isn't your WW XBest friend married? Maybe I'm wrong, but I had a revenge affair too so I get you Gfkr.
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