young&inlove Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 My husband and I have been having some problems in the bedroom for quite some while according to him. I know he is bored and I am starting to feel the same way. I am not if this is the right place to ask this but, have you and you’re SO ever brought in another into the bedroom or started swinging? My hubs is straight as an arrow but I have always been a little bi-curious. I am just wondering what are some of the positives and negatives with trying this? We would set boundaries and rules before we even agreed to anything. I am more wanting to know what comes along with it in your relationship, M, sex life, friendship with others and even family?
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Only input I have for you is adding parties to your relationship and/or swinging is best not to be contemplated because the two of you are bored in the bedroom. This type of arrangement may only work if you have a highly successful and loving relationship prior to exploring in these ways. I would genuinely suggest couples counseling and/or sex therapy... Couples have sexual peaks and valleys all the time (and somtimes the valleys are lower and/or longer than you might expect), but the beauty of long term marriages is working through those times... I am sure others with experience to answer your questions more directly will chime in, but honestly, though I don't have a problem with consenting adults choosing to add to the mix as they wish, "problems and/or boredom in the bedroom" will not be improved and/or cured (at least not in the long run) by going this route.
seibert253 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Wrong message to your H. Here's what he will hear, no matter how you phase it; you're not getting the job done anymore, so lets bring someone else in who can. If it's just getting a little stale, couples counseling or sex therapy may be better suited. I know a handfull of couples who "introduced" a third party into the mix, all ended in disasters. Two of my buddies wives ended up having affairs with the third person, and one ended up leaving my friend and got D'd.
crazycatlady Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Only input I have for you is adding parties to your relationship and/or swinging is best not to be contemplated because the two of you are bored in the bedroom. This type of arrangement may only work if you have a highly successful and loving relationship prior to exploring in these ways. I would genuinely suggest couples counseling and/or sex therapy... Couples have sexual peaks and valleys all the time (and somtimes the valleys are lower and/or longer than you might expect), but the beauty of long term marriages is working through those times... I am sure others with experience to answer your questions more directly will chime in, but honestly, though I don't have a problem with consenting adults choosing to add to the mix as they wish, "problems and/or boredom in the bedroom" will not be improved and/or cured (at least not in the long run) by going this route. This is good. And I'm sure others will chime in later on too. OP - I am in an open marriage. We started out swinging. To me being open and swinging are two different things because swinging is something typically done with couples, or singles together, while my H and I are comfortable being with others apart. Anyway, I am bi-sexual and I absolutely love sharing my husband with another woman. I'm willing to talk with you about that if you want. However, I think the post I quoted brings up some very important issues. We didn't start swinging because we were bored, or wanted to spice things up. At the time we started swinging things were great in the sex department. I love having sex with my husband, he is hands down the best lover around, IMO. Its fun, exciting, and never boring. That's not the say we haven't gone through slumps. Of course we have, and we learned that you have to work on it. We do get smaller slumps even now, and when they hit, we do not play with others. Its probably the only rule we have. Ultimately its about us, and enhancing our relationship, not replacing it, not spicing it up, just for fun. The biggest negative is...once you do this, you can't undo it. You can't take back that you each slept with someone else if you swap, or that you brought in a third into the bedroom. You can't. So you need to be very sure this is something you want to do. CCL
Author young&inlove Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Thank you all for your imput! My Hubs and I talked about it and we have decided that it in fact swinging or sharing isnt the best thing for us. We just need to be more open together. I think that I was looking for a quick fix. I appreciate all the info though. We are going to be looking into some treatment to help us through this slumpy time.
chelle21689 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 You know...I've been with my bf 5 years (2 long distance yrs) and I have always been interested and turned on by the thought of him with another girl. But it is really weird because I'm an extremely jealous person...so I don't know if I could ever ever share him haha! I guess if one day I were to go towards that route I would take tiny little baby steps and with another attractive couple possibly. Like just doing it in the same room lol or maybe just kissing...and set rules. But all i know is now is definitely not the best time because I'm toooo jealous. Weird huh?
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