OrchidRain Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together almost four years (met in college, both 24). He recently moved home (about 1,200 miles away) for a job opportunity and we agreed to try a long distance relationship. I have been thinking a lot about our relationship and I just don’t know anymore. There are a lot of things that started to bother me and I probably held them in too long, but when I told him he just doesn’t seem to think they are that important I’ll try to summarize…in the whole time we have been together he has never once told me he loves me. This kills me. He doesn’t really touch me unless he wants sex and can’t understand that one of the ways I share and receive love is by touch. We use to fight all the time, I think the distance has actually helped that which is weird but good I guess. Anyways, I haven’t been happy in the relationship for a little while. I have been procrastinating because I do really care about him and I just kept hoping he would understand. I brought this up a couple weeks ago he was like, with the distance, now I can’t do the things you want. And that’s true, but I guess I was hoping that behavior would translate a little into the things he would say to me…that I would be able to hear it maybe? I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more I think that when we get together nothing will change. I have been talking with my friends and I think I have basically come to the conclusion that it’s time to break up, but I have no idea what to say. I do love him, but not like I did. I’m hurt and confused and I don’t know how to translate what I’m feeling to him in a way he will understand. Basically, my question is, how do you start that conversation? What do you say? It has to be over the phone because of the distance, but I want it to be as kind as possible. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have to and I am terrified of doing this.
Leandro Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I think you should just tell him the truth. Tell him why you weren't happy. Don't say anything that will give him false hope. Don't use words like MAYBE or EVENTUALLY. The truth hurts but being lied to hurts more I believe. My ex lied to me so that I wouldn't be hurt, but I found out later and it hurt even more. I understand that you care about him, but if he gets that false hope it will just hurt him more later down the road.
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