Author Sunny-side-up Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 common sense.... wow, why would you do that? Just end a relationship like that? Surely whatever issues you have can be worked out together as a couple... isnt that the point of a couple? Anyway... time is supposed to be the healer of wounds (but its been years now) and as for NC... I wouldnt usually agree but I do in this instance, simply because I being there means I'm causing a strain on their relationship. I have, however, told him we'll still be friends, I just dont want to hear about how we feel about each other anymore. Theres no point. I dont want to be the OW.
common-sense Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Unfortunately, not all issues are created the same. Also, serious issues defined early on in a relationship tend to magnify once the honeymoon stage is over. Sometimes middle ground is not an equally shared sacrifice. When fantasy ends and reality kicks in, things can drastically change. IOW, what initially looks like a potential challenge -- but because you're in emotional bliss you overlook it's long-term effects -- can turn into a wedge between two people. We tend to mitigate the the seriousness of challenges early on because we're so in love and the emotional rush is so fresh and new. We feel loved and wanted. It's why some individuals who exclusively follow their hearts, can wind up seriously hurt emotionally down the road. Love does not conquer all. That's just a movie cliche. It fails to account for the input your intellect has -- or can have -- on the decision to continue or end a relationship. Believe me, my choice to end my relationship still haunts me. If it didn't, I'd be happy-go-lucky and dating 'til my heart's content. The reality of it is that I still hurt deeply, but know I made the right decision intellectually. Tormented I am...
Author Sunny-side-up Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 Can I be nosey and ask what "serious issues" are?
common-sense Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (chuckling) Yes, you can be nosey. However, in fairness to her and my privacy -- though this forum is anonymous -- I won't go there. I might also point out that the magnitude of seriousness, is a subjective one that varies from relationship to relationship. What I might classify as serious, you might not, or vice versa. On an unrelated subject...there's one more thing I'll add to the discussion that I think has significance. I found this forum because I was searching for information on how to cope and deal with a breakup. I was alone -- not lonely, but alone -- for 20 years prior to dating the woman I'd dated. I got a taste of a what a relationship felt like and now I feel like something is missing in my life. Now, I'm lonely. Participating in a forum such as this is therapeutic to a certain degree as I compile data points from others' experiences. However, staying too long here will only slow the healing process because I'm dwelling on the breakup. There's also a possibility of one doubting their own decision-making process by staying too long, because it's easy to let others make our difficult decisions for us. I'll let you interpret this whichever way you'd like. There's no easy way out, but there *is* a way out...
Author Sunny-side-up Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 OK, I respect your privacy. As to being lonely, I've recently ended a relationship because although it had the basis to be great, the spark just wasnt there. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship thats just OK. I'm not lonely, perhaps alone but neither bother me. I've made the decision to be where I am.... However, I am apart from someone I love and who loves me... that I find is the back breaker. Its the "limbo" that I find hard. Sure, I've been in love and rejected before and I've got over it eventually, but I dont feel rejected just now and I don't feel the other person has moved on... nor have I. I'm making all the right noises BUT...for some reason, I don't think this is over yet and because of that, I'm stuck in no mans land. And... a friend in a similar situation is feeling just the same after 5yrs apart.... If one door isn't closed another door won't open... and it takes two to close a door Ive found. I've been on and off this site for nearly 12mths now and we've been split for 3..... sure, he's contacted me less since the GF got pregnant but bolts out of the blue come here and there. Maybe after a year NC from him I'll see it as a closed door but until then it'll be hard.
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So, guy likes girl, chases girl, gets girl. They break up..... A guy when he wants to get back with a girl does sweet stuff... girls like that.... Whats a girl supposed to do, since doing sweet stuff would have guys running a mile!? Any suggestions? Whats the best way of getting the guy? Ok so hopefully none of the guys here will try to hunt me down lol. Most guys even though they may not want to admit it think with one of two things, You know what I mean. Which one is your guy. If your not sure you'll need to spend some time reflecting on this. If you guy is the intelectual type and things with his brain then that is how you need to approach him. If he tends to think with the other part of his anatomy then he is a VISUAL person. ok so if he's VISUAL and you cross paths on a regular basis be sure to take that extra time to show him what HE is missing. I don't me and pardon my expression let it all hand out.. leave something to the imagination after all we want to engage his brain . If he's the other kind then you need to stimulate his brain because it is probably in a dormant state which is why he may dismiss you. If your still talking send him an email or even talk to him on the phone and start with something that will make him recall a memory where you two were together. Get him use to it. It's a psycological approach but trust me it does work. Again i'm a blunt person so I hope I didn't offend you with anything. Good luck
Author Sunny-side-up Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 goodmn. I love your approach and no offense taken.... He;s deffo the "balls" type thinker or he wouldn't have got his ex gf pregnant on a one night stand. "So the update to my tale? I heard nothing from the "ex" and after a few weeks asked him. "Are you happy?" and "Do you still love me?" He responded immediatley, "of course I still love you but I need to talk to you about something, its not all good what I have to say". So we met, that same day.... and he told me. His girlfriend is 8mths pregnant. They were split for nearly 12mths and only got back together based on the fact she became pregnant after a one night stand they had. He's not in love with her. She wants to get married and buy a house, he's still in love with me but cant do anything about that until the baby is born. He doesnt want to leave or upset her whilst she's having his baby.... And because she does everything for him, clean, cook etc... shes the model wife. However, he's planning that he'll have left her by the end of the year. What a punch in the face that was. Anyway, we talked and confessed our love... sick really isn't it? I also asked him for closure which he refused to give me. He'll still think of me, he still loves me. I went away and thought long and hard. Then I wrote him a letter. He has to let me go if he wants to make a go of it with her. I have to move on and leave them be... its the right thing to do. So... what a mess... and tragic." Does the same mode of thinking still apply? :-0
Recommended Posts