hardcandy Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 (girls opinions appreciated) I met this girl off a dating website last Monday. That night we txt'd for 6 hours straight, and talked on the phone the next night for 5hours and 3 or 4 hours Wed, and we met for lunch on Thursday. The chemistry was there when we met in person. We hugged, kissed, and it felt so comfortable for both of us, and she even said later that night she felt a bond with me. It was mutual. We decided to hide our profiles so we could see how things would develop with us. We had a great conversation on Friday, and later that night I made the decision to tell her I had been diagnosed with major depression. During the week we spoke I had told her that I had generalized anxiety and she knew that I saw a therapist and there was never a problem with it. when I told her about the depression I could sense a change in her towards me. she told me there wasn't a problem and she thanked me for being honest with her. I'm always self conscious about telling people because of the stigma attatched to it, and the looks I get from people when they find out. On Saturday, I woke up and decided to carry on like I would've prior to her finding out. I text her in the morning and she responded. I text her back telling her that I liked her and after that she never responded. Later that afternoon I sent her a text telling her that I was surprised she hadn't responded, and it seemed apparent she had changed how she felt for me. I tried texting her on Sunday and I left her a message today. None of which have been responded to. I just wanted to know how it was so easy to walkaway when she had liked everything about me prior to finding out about my depression. Over the years I've learned to cover it up. I never bring up my anxiety/depression prior to a first date because more often than not it never goes beyond a first date. The people I've seen in the past where its gone beyond a first date when they found out I've always been accepted. It's more uncomfortable and a big deal for me than the person I was seeing. My depression was never the reason for the breakup of past relationships. Its been a long time since I've felt such a connection with someone, and I know it was the same for her. I know it's over and I'm not going to hear from her. I don't like it, but I accept it. On some level I realize it's probably for the best, because if not now it would've been over something else later. It doesn't change the fact I still miss the person that was so easy to talk to last week. How is it so easy for her to just turn her back and walkaway and not care anymore?
charliecharlie Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Wow, hardcandy, you told her about your depression? That can be a real no go for a girl that isn't even sure about her feelings yet. As you mentioned you were still in discovery-stage and being confronted with such a big thing as a depression can make all alarmbells go off. If I was in here position, dating a guy that I felt comfortable with, but not knowing him long enough to be in love yet, such a confession could be a dealbreaker for me too. After all, who's ready for the major issues when you want to start things off light and have fun and see where things go from there? It was too early!!
xinchao123 Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 you're rushing things to quickly, although it's honest, but I see it weak, honestly. just 1 night out so I think it is very easy she can forget you. It's just you who care more about her, so sorry for this. I twice loved my exes with all my heart and they all turned out me being dumped, for various reasons. This is to say you don't take things tooo seriously, especially you guys went out for only 1 night ! Take care buddy
Author hardcandy Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 That seems to be the consensus, and I think I regretted it after the fact. I guess, I assumed that she was different. So much for assumptions. Although, it's a double edge sword. If/when she found out later than I probably would've heard "why weren't you honest with me from the beginning?"
Art_Critic Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 (edited) You need to learn that you are not defined by your depression and by the fact that you see a therapist. Stop telling people that.. TMI until you get on a more serious level. Stop thinking you are bad because you have depression and that you MUST disclose it on the first few dates.. Now once you get in a more serious place then that is the time and place to talk about those things.. If every person who had/has depression or sees a therapist saw it as who they are then they many people out there would never date.. You aren't holding back any info that is that important to a possible dater in this case if you wait till the time is right.. Something else.. you went toooooooo fassssttttt Maybe that is what was wrong... Removing profiles off of a dating site before you even know each other is just too fast.. Edited September 20, 2010 by Art_Critic
Author hardcandy Posted September 21, 2010 Author Posted September 21, 2010 Something else.. you went toooooooo fassssttttt Maybe that is what was wrong... Removing profiles off of a dating site before you even know each other is just too fast.. Good advice, and thanks! I would normally agree with the above quoted, but in this instance it was different because there was such a connection, and our values seemed so similar. This has been learning experience though, and I will never divulge that information again. Thanks again!
Caradavine Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Yeah, too much too fast and too...well, you know. When things are new, everyone knows we tweak ourselves to be in the best light. Not doing so can be pretty disarming and possibly a deal breaker, too. Sorry that it happened, but at least you know she may have been shallow and uncaring - or she just saw red flags and jetted. Who knows these days?
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