Sonolumino Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 My ex has been dating around. She actually started doing this about a week after we broke up. I know because all of my friends are her friends, and they tell me what's going on. I went NC for a month, called her up and asked to meet for coffee, to try and at least continue a friendship we had. After all, we dated for almost 4 years. We met, it was great, like we were back together again. We were flirting and texting each other all through the week. Then, about 6-7 days after our little coffee date, she stops talking to me. One of her friends tells me that she was really interested in another guy who gave her his number. Needless to say, that hurt. I thought at the very least she would tell me, not keep me on the backburner like that. I stopped talking to her again for another two weeks, then two days ago I went over her house to pick up my things. I told her how I felt, how I loved her but wished I didn't, that I didn't expect to get back together, but I hoped we could be friends after my feelings fade. Over the next two days, I find out she has been telling people about how I'm so "obsessed" with her, how I show up at parties where she is just to see her (a lie), how I ask other girls to write on my profile on facebook just to make her jealous (wtf??), etc.. She even was annoyed and irritated that I told her that I still loved her. Literally angry that I still had feelings. Basically she demonized me into a crazy ex boyfriend, and for the majority of this time I've been NC. I confronted her about this, caught her in a few lies, and all she did was get angry at her friends for telling me! I couldn't believe it! She said "Well I know my real friends wouldn't have told you". How does that negate the fact that you've been lying about me all over town?? I seriously am at a loss for words. Why would she do this?
rattled Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 To make her look like the good guy? To boost her ego? Because she's a b****? To justify why she's looking else where? I know exactly how you feel because my ex tends to fabricate and bend the truth too about our relationship.
Ajax Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Maybe she's doing it because she didn't have a real reason for breaking up with you, so she has to justify it to her friends? Or maybe she's just a loon. Sometimes people just do things and that don't know why. Try not to dwell on it. Confronting her about it probably just fed into it for her. I think the best thing you can do is just go NC. As for telling her how you feel, what's done is done. I did the same thing. It might have been a bad move, but she probably wouldn't come back anyway so at least you got it off your chest.
Author Sonolumino Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 I think that's exactly right. She gave me a few bull**** reasons for the break up. I told her, "If you were just tired of me, then say that. If you weren't love anymore, just say that. I would do the same for you if our places were reversed, you were worth that much to me. I'd at least tell you the damn truth". She was speechless and never addressed what I had said. In any case, she's a bitch. I confronted her about all that bull****, told my side of the story, told her how I felt, now what's done is done. I feel like I didn't know her at all. Like I dated a 5 year old.
ohno89 Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I sadly didn't realise this til AFTER my break-up but people who slate their ex's, especially when they brand them as 'psychos' are never in a good head space with regards to their ex. My now ex said the same thing about his ex, I took his word for it because I didn't know her and thought he had no reason to lie about it. I then realised that, he is in fact the only psycho around here if ever there was one! Want proof?! At one point after we briefly split up and I didn't think it was best we get back together, he started to see a "friend" of mine to get back at me. She of course asked him about me and he told her I was a psycho and there's nothing going on between us anymore. Their little "thing" lasted a whole 7 days before he started pestering me asking when he could see me and "can i come over?" Honestly like, NOW who looks like the psycho?! No doubt he would've said the same thing to his new g/f, the one he cheated on me with! Usually when people say this, I think it's through guilt - they want to try and paint their ex to be a horrible person to justify treating them badly and the term "psycho" usually sums their ex up perfectly. They also say this to girls/guys they're trying to hook up with or whatever to try and make it SUPPOSEDLY clear that they in no way have feelings for their ex anymore and would never get back with them. Again, "psycho" or whatever other bad mouthing will usually suffice to put the new person at ease about the whole ex situation. My opinion; if they need to slate their ex like that, they are clearly not completely over their ex, whether it be feelings, anger, hurt or whatever towards their ex; they're still obviouly bitter. I have more than enough reasons to slate my ex to other people and brand him a psycho but I never feel the need to; I am not that immature, spiteful...whatever you wanna call it. To people who are smart enough to see through the "my ex was a psycho" routine, the only people that look stupid here are your ex's, everyone else that knows you and therefore, the only people that matter, know the truth; your ex's friends don't matter, they are THEIR friends and will stick by them no matter what. I totally get why you're bothered but just try and not let it get to you, if you act out or try and defend yourself, it'll only seem like you're really bothered by the chit chat and are going out of your way to defend yourself - which is fine - but not caring is better!
RDawg Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Yip, they like to make the dumpee look bad in front of their support group in order to justify their decision. They will also seldom give you the truth when they kick you to the curb because they are either trying to spare your feelings, or they don't want to reveal their true emotions to you. Whilst it hurts to hear someone tell you they no longer love you it sure helps to give one closure.
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