WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 So if you read my Ego of the OW post you'll read that my xMM will be visiting my office on business this week. I have a trinket of his that Im not sure what to do with along a small amount of money that I feel I should give back as he did treat me to dinner before our silently understood NC pact. Should I leave an envelope for him with the trinket and the money (no note) at the front desk? Or does that just sound pathetic?
In_Repair Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I'm not sure what the trinket is, but if it was so damn important, he would probably ask for it back. As for the money, well, that's just insulting to a man. Other than your implied desire to be civil and fair... What would be the point? To spur a conversation? To keep you on his mind?
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 I'm not sure what the trinket is, but if it was so damn important, he would probably ask for it back. As for the money, well, that's just insulting to a man. Other than your implied desire to be civil and fair... What would be the point? To spur a conversation? To keep you on his mind? Mmmmm yes I suppose I'd just be poking the bear...the more I think about it the more I think it's just pathetic.
In_Repair Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Mmmmm yes I suppose I'd just be poking the bear...the more I think about it the more I think it's just pathetic. It's not pathetic. It's just one of those crazy ass thoughts that run through our minds when we go through the bad ending of a relationship. I'm just trying to point out that it would only be seen as an attempt to make contact with him over something that he will probably view as trivial. He will know that he is still on your mind, and you don't want to give him that satisfaction.
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 mail the money to his wife. No thanks - he didnt throw me under the bus and I will not throw him under the bus. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I will leave the issue be
greengoddess Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 No thanks - he didnt throw me under the bus and I will not throw him under the bus. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I will leave the issue be Not a matter of being vindictive. If she finds out he has spent marital assets on you and you have taken money she can come after you for her half.
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 It's not pathetic. It's just one of those crazy ass thoughts that run through our minds when we go through the bad ending of a relationship. I'm just trying to point out that it would only be seen as an attempt to make contact with him over something that he will probably view as trivial. He will know that he is still on your mind, and you don't want to give him that satisfaction. It really isnt a bad ending...I think things could have ended much worse! Our silently understood NC pact at the very least cuts out the back and forth and trying to rationalize continuing the A. He can now work towards staying with his wife who wants to stay with a him despite his multiple slip ups. You are correct though - my giving the items back would just prove that he was / is on my mind.
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 Not a matter of being vindictive. If she finds out he has spent marital assets on you and you have taken money she can come after you for her half. I wont get into details but that never happened - he's slick. Not his first rodeo
jthorne Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I wont get into details but that never happened - he's slick. Not his first rodeoThen send it to him at his home address with no return address. Be done with it.
Tsm Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 I would not send it unless if he asked, then i would mo than gladly send back.
2sure Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Or does that just sound pathetic? YES, yes, yes. Dont do it.
Author WowReally Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 Im not mailing anything not going to leave anything at the front desk for him...nothing. It's over. Today was an ok day - the pangs of missing him seem to be better. Im not sure Im ready to set eyes on him though...I really hope he stays out of sight when he's here...or I'll just stay in my hole.
In_Repair Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Today was an ok day - the pangs of missing him seem to be better. Im not sure Im ready to set eyes on him though...I really hope he stays out of sight when he's here...or I'll just stay in my hole. You don't miss him as much because you are getting to the point where you see that there really isn't anything there worth missing. Sure you care about him, but is being with him worth all of the pain and bull excrement needed in order to accomplish it? Why bother with a man who would allow you to live that life?.. a man who expects it even. You are better than that. As for hiding...? Screw that. Why? It's not like he beat you at anything or you should feel ashamed for your actions around him. He was right there with you. If anything, you are now FREE... and he should be the one who has to worry about his choices and their repercussions. Treat him with pleasant indifference.
whichwayisup Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Take that money and donate it. Take the trinklet and give it away to a woman's homeless shelter, or some other kind of charity that takes household items, clothes etc. Sending him money and that trinklet back is just opening the door for reaction. Unless that's what you want? Stay in NC mode, don't look for excuses break the NC.
siuys Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I wouldn't give it back either. What's the point? It's not like it's that important. Two months ago my xMM used that as an excuse to contact me. I sent an sms back telling him to throw my stuff away and get a divorce. Unfortunately, he turned up at my door and we saw each other, and the whole darn cycle started again. NC is the ONLY way.
desertIslandCactus Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 As for hiding...? Screw that. Why? It's not like he beat you at anything or you should feel ashamed for your actions around him. He was right there with you. If anything, you are now FREE... and he should be the one who has to worry about his choices and their repercussions. Treat him with pleasant indifference. ---------------- Good post. I've tried to tell other xOW this. You are free, be free.
jj33 Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 I wont get into details but that never happened - he's slick. Not his first rodeo Hall of fame! Not his first rodeo. LOVE IT (am going to quote you if you dont mind) Dont give him anything. You gave him your heart. More than enough.
pureinheart Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 So if you read my Ego of the OW post you'll read that my xMM will be visiting my office on business this week. I have a trinket of his that Im not sure what to do with along a small amount of money that I feel I should give back as he did treat me to dinner before our silently understood NC pact. Should I leave an envelope for him with the trinket and the money (no note) at the front desk? Or does that just sound pathetic? Let it go...throw the item away and the money if need be....give the money to a worthy organization, although I would suggest not to contact him... Everytime you get a thought of him, change your mind. Do your nails, start a business...anything but dwelling on this man...good luck WR:)
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