Jump to content

Birthday - To wish or not to wish

Recovery

By Recovery,
in Coping

 Share Followers 1

Recommended Posts

Recovery

Recovery

Posted
Posted

Alright so I've been 2 months 2 weeks NC and the good old ex's birthday is coming up in a week. I've been contemplating this day for many nights whether to text her a short simple Happy Birthday or not. I've gone over it so many times in my head... with nights thinking "no way in hell" while other nights I wonder I feel that it wouldn't hurt... or would it?

 

So just out of curiosity, as dumpees, those who did or didn't wish their ex's Happy Birthday, how did you feel? Was it even worth the 20 seconds of your life? Or is there some regret not wishing them? I know this is silly because it's just a stupid birthday and it should be just another day for me. Looking forward to what you guys/girls have to say!

Link to post
Share on other sites
PegNosePete

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

Why would you want to wish her a happy birthday? Are you hoping she will reply with undying gratitude? Think about the various responses she could send and how they would make you feel.

  • No reply - would make you feel sh*tty?
  • "Thanks" - would make you wonder why she's being so short and whether she's thinking of you
  • "Thanks I am spending it bonking my new BF" - would make you feel sh*tty
  • "I love you I made a huge mistake please take me back" - not gonna happen!

So basically... nothing good can come of sending it.

My birthday today and I'm not expecting anything from her, if she does send something I will let her eat silence!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
BeagleGal

BeagleGal

Posted
Posted

Don't do it. My ex's birthday is coming up Oct 2 and I too have contemplated sending him a text. Then I thought to myself, why the hell should I after the way he treated me?? A new friend of mine, BellaBellaBella, pointed out to me that by sending him a message I'm basically saying that I still haven't gotten over him, still think about him and despite his crappy treatment of me, just had to give in to wish him a happy birthday.

 

Why give him that ego boost? Forget it! And you should too!

Just like PegNosePete said: "So basically... nothing good can come of sending it."

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Recovery

Recovery

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks guys. Just needed some proper reasoning because obviously I can't think straight :lmao:. When that day comes, it'll just be another day for me, its clear that nothing good can come from it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
leftfield

leftfield

Posted
Posted

I agree with what everyone has said already, but I did actually wish my ex happy birthday. It was about a month after we'd split and we were still kind of talking then, so it didn't seem a big deal to me.

 

Now that I've really accepted the breakup and am trying to move on from it there is no way I would do it. She'll never hear from me again unless she comes back begging.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lemontang

Lemontang

Posted
Posted

In your case no, but in rare situations yes. I do send a happy birthday to a few ex's of mine but that's also because we're now friends and I get the same in return.

 

However with one which I have bad blood with I fully intend to send a happy birthday text to, but because I know it will also piss her off and for me that makes me smile, even more so if I send one with a photo of me traveling abroad which I'll be doing during this time. I know that sounds wrong at face value but considering the abuse, lies and cheating I put up with from her it's a small compensation.

 

So in short choose the context of as to why you would send one, but if you have no intention of having anything to do with them in your future I wouldn't...unless it's to intentionally piss them off. :p

Link to post
Share on other sites
hollywood292

hollywood292

Posted
Posted (edited)

It was my ex's birthday on August 15, and at that time I was about a month NC (hadn't spoken to him since the breakup). I was actually looking forward to his birthday because it was going to give me an excuse to talk to him, but instead, when his birthday came along, I didn't greet him at all. I'm glad I didn't, I don't know how I could've handled a no reply, or a simple "thanks", cause I know deep down I would've wanted a bigger response and would've been setback by the lack of it. Do whatever feels right to you though, but keep in mind the possible responses that you may get that you don't want.

Edited by hollywood292
Link to post
Share on other sites
w.e.

w.e.

Posted
Posted

The dreaded bday questions....

 

My STBXW's bday is on Sunday...I was going to get her something material but have decided to have some pictures taken of our son and let him give them to her. X_X

 

It's hard to just sit back and not do anything, but I decided that some of my other ideas definitely would not work out the way that I want them to. I figure a nice family-minded gift from our son would be much more appropriate.

Link to post
Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell

HeavenOrHell

Posted
Posted

Ex's birthdays aren't worth thinking about, unless you're still good friends with them. I'm good friends with mine so we did give each other cards, I took him out for lunch too as it was his 40th.

But sending an ex something for their birthday in the hope they will get in touch with you isn't good.

Link to post
Share on other sites
paleblue

paleblue

Posted
Posted

don’t bother wishing her a happy birthday. you are wasting your time. in fact you have already wasted too much energy on this. don’t look back. easier said than done, I know, but a few of us around here have been thru this. totally sucks, but that is your best bet. no happy birthdays, no happy holidays. nothing. zilch. nadda.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Recovery

Recovery

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone for your responses. In my moments of weakness I have these silly thoughts, but thanks to you guys I know to be strong and not give her the time of day when that day comes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mmk1

mmk1

Posted
Posted

Yes, definitely do not wish them anything. Her birthday wishes ceased when they dumped you. My ex of 5 years is having her 40th this Sunday and she'll get nothing from me. I saved a ton of money I was going to spend on her 40th by moving on.

 

If your goal is to get her back, do you really think a birthday wish will do it? Believe me, she'll be thinking about you more if you don't. Actions speak louder than words. Also, do you think she would call you if the situation was reversed?

 

Instead of wasting your time thinking about her, do like I'm doing, I have a 2nd date with a great girl lined up for Sunday. I will definitely not be thinking about the ex.

 

Best of luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
HighPlainsDrifter

HighPlainsDrifter

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I've thought about that.

And while she didn't call me on my birthday or send me a card, she did wish me a happy birthday by email the day before.

And it's her 30th coming up.

I know I shouldn't.

It would just appear weak, but dang I'm conflicted...

Link to post
Share on other sites
HighPlainsDrifter

HighPlainsDrifter

Posted
Posted

Blah....

Sorry for the double post.

Just need it pounded into my head for some dang reason.

WTH is wrong with me??

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Recovery

Recovery

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well her b-day passed and I did not wish her a thing. No card, text, email, call... nothing. I didn't think much of it during that day, as it felt like any other. I had very small urges to at times (very small), but I kept reminding myself about the responses in this post and remained firm.

 

 

Looking back I believe I made the right decision. She doesn't deserve anything from me when she was the one who decided she didn't want me. I had my doubts before, but just remember guys that nothing good can come out of a birthday wish. It's most likely an excuse to temporarily break NC and see how they are doing etc... Remain firm and don't give them the time of day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
HighPlainsDrifter

HighPlainsDrifter

Posted
Posted
Well her b-day passed and I did not wish her a thing. No card, text, email, call... nothing. I didn't think much of it during that day, as it felt like any other. I had very small urges to at times (very small), but I kept reminding myself about the responses in this post and remained firm.

 

 

Looking back I believe I made the right decision. She doesn't deserve anything from me when she was the one who decided she didn't want me. I had my doubts before, but just remember guys that nothing good can come out of a birthday wish. It's most likely an excuse to temporarily break NC and see how they are doing etc... Remain firm and don't give them the time of day.

 

I admire your strength Recovery... I still have basically a WEEK to go back and forth on this crap. It just goes round and round in my head. I read all these posts and they all make sense, but then my heart starts to overpower it and I struggle.

 

My counselor even said it would be ok to send just a basic card to say happy birthday, and to keep the lines of communication open, so that messes with me even more.

 

But WTH??? Everything everyone is saying on here makes perfect sense. I KNOW she will expect me to be sending something.

 

BLAHHHH!!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 1
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...