SarahC Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 ..driving me insane. I'm a single parent and have been since my son was 3. I've tried my best with raising him the best i can, but it looks like i have failed miserably as he's getting older. He argues back at everything i ask him to do. For example "Can you get that pencil out of your mouth please..." his reply was "AND!!?". I ask him to do something and i get a mouthful, or i ask him NOT to do something and again, i will get a mouthful. Saturday night, he just wouldn't stop making a noise. Now, when he was growing up, kiddies being noisy, that's okay, but knowing that i've had a bad day, he kept coming up into my face, messing my hair up, poking me....generally being really annoying, so i lost my temper and swore at him. THEN...my bf (of 15 mos) had a right go at me, in front of my son. I knew as soon as i swore it was the wrong thing to do (BTW - i didn't use the F word!). ..but there are just sometimes you want peace and quite and my boy can talk 24hours a day, without stopping, and he doesn't even talk sense, it's just rubbish that comes out of his mouth. When i tell his dad about it, i just get "He's a boy, that's what they do." No, not all boys do that because i talk to other parents!!!!!!! I find myself crying a little too much just lately.
spiderowl Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) You son does sound like he's pushing the boundaries with you and being a little provocative. He's trying to get a reaction. You may be very stressed and shutting off from him as a result. I know that feeling of wanting to be left alone myself. I'm not surprised you shouted at him if he messed with your hair when you were feeling like that, I would have too. I would disagree with your friends. It's OK for them if they are not faced with the challenge of coping with a child 24/7 on their own and, quite frankly, unless you are abusing your boy (and I don't count swearing on one occasion when really driven mad), they should realise that you have heavy responsibilities and be supporting you not criticising. I would say think about these friends and whether they are right for you because it doesn't sound to me as if you feel very supported at the moment. I seem to remember it was about age 12 that my kids started to get more difficult to handle. The worst age was probably 14-15. My kids are a bit different though and have special needs which makes behavioural management a real challenge at times. I can completely sympathise with where you are at the moment. It might be worth spending some concentrated time with your son for a fixed amount each day. That would go towards addressing his need for attention and hopefully give you other time to rest and wind down. If he provokes you in the way you mentioned, you could point out you won't have time to play with him later if he messes about. It helps to set limits on behaviour with consequences if they overstep the mark. Removal of priviledges for a fixed time period can be helpful, especially if it means boredom, but I'd really only use this kind of thing where you know they are deliberately defying you and their behaviour is unacceptable to you and would also be annoying to others if they carried on doing that kind of thing. I try to ask myself whether whatever they are doing would be OK with their girlfriend or a random stranger. If I think it wouldn't and the girlfriend would walk out on him or something, then I know I can't let him get into bad habits like that. I do feel that you need some support though. Sometimes there are parenting groups. I doubt you need to be told how to be a parent to your child as you've obviously coped with so much responsibility alone for so long. What a group like that might offer though is mutual support and someone to listen to what you are going through. If there is anyone in your family who you trust who could take your son a couple of times a week to give you a break that might help too. A constant drip feed of challenging behaviour is enough to wear even the strongest parent down. Maybe your friends who were so quick to judge could take him out for a few hours and give you chance to relax and switch off. Is there anyone who could babysit for you so that you could try to build up a social life separate from your family? Could your parents help with babysitting? I feel you need something beyond this immediate stressful situation to give you a boost and make you realise you are a worthy person in your own right and not just someone's mum. I do wish you all the best and I can identify with your challenges. You are probably doing a lot better than you think. Edited September 21, 2010 by spiderowl
DaisyLeigh Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 You tell that BOYFRIEND that he can speak to you, when your child is out of the house or in bed. That he is NOT to dress you down in front of your child.
turnera Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 You tell that BOYFRIEND that he can speak to you, when your child is out of the house or in bed. That he is NOT to dress you down in front of your child. I agree. Your son needs to protect you, since your husband is gone. Don't make him feel bad for wanting to protect you. Talk to your bf.
FanFan Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 ..driving me insane. I'm a single parent and have been since my son was 3. Why did things not work out with you and his dad only after three years of giving birth?
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