Have you written a letter?

[pb&j]

I finding writing letters very theraputic, even though I never send any of them. I feel like my relationship ended very abruptly and it helps me gain perspective and somehow, a little closure.

 

I guess the process of writing forces you to complete the thoughts and analysis that go unfinished when you just think through things in your head. Sometimes I'll want to send one (via email) but I make myself wait a few days and then I always change my mind.

 

Have you written a letter/email to your ex? If so, what did it say? Did you send it? If you did, what kind of response did you get?

 

Mine run the gamut; from angry, to apologetic, to groveling to analyzing our relationship and its demise. So far, I think I've written 5

[TaraMaiden]

I write letters all the time. My partner absolutely adores me to bits, but he's not a great communicator when it comes to opening up emotionally. So I find that if I have something I need to communicate to him, writing it is a very good way of expressing myself logically, unemotionally, candidly and succinctly. I put my point across with no fear of getting my words mixed up, or saying something inappropriate or unintentional.

I get to 'rehearse' all in one place, get it word-perfect, then make sure it contains everything I need to get off my chest.

And he 'listens'.

We've made great in-roads this way.

 

Writing an emotional letter from a starting point of emotions, is a bad idea.

Writing an emotional letter from a starting point of logic and reason, works best.

You can pour your heart out, but do it coherently and cogently.

[pb&j]

I write letters all the time. My partner absolutely adores me to bits, but he's not a great communicator when it comes to opening up emotionally. So I find that if I have something I need to communicate to him, writing it is a very good way of expressing myself logically, unemotionally, candidly and succinctly. I put my point across with no fear of getting my words mixed up, or saying something inappropriate or unintentional.

I get to 'rehearse' all in one place, get it word-perfect, then make sure it contains everything I need to get off my chest.

And he 'listens'.

We've made great in-roads this way.

 

Writing an emotional letter from a starting point of emotions, is a bad idea.

Writing an emotional letter from a starting point of logic and reason, works best.

You can pour your heart out, but do it coherently and cogently.

 

I completely agree and I think that's one of the reasons letter writing is so therapeutic; in order to persuasively get your point across in a manner that someone else can understand, you have to write from a logical perspective. And you must think logically to communicate logically.

 

For example, in discussing my LDR I might say: “I believe we were very much victims of our circumstances.” But if I were communicating this to him, I would have to be explicit; “I felt a lot pressure to make every moment we were together ‘count.’ It was difficult for me to assess how you really felt about about me because we couldn't interact physically very often."

 

Are you saying you use letter writing in a current relationship? That’s an interesting thought and something I think would work very well for (highly emotional) me

[ChrisMc]

Yup.

 

I wrote a letter to, on my end, officially end things and get the closure I was never going to get from my ex. We were on a "break" and then she just cut me off, didn't talk to me, deleted pics, etc. Basically did everything to say it was over without actually communicating it to me. So I needed to write the letter for my own sanity, to move to that next stage of acceptance.

 

And it helped a lot.

 

This is not to say I feel great everyday, or even most days, but it made a big difference.

 

Since then, whenever I feel like writing a letter or sending a text, I write what I want to say into an email, send it to myself (cheesy, I know) and that's that.

[pb&j]

Yup.

 

I wrote a letter to, on my end, officially end things and get the closure I was never going to get from my ex. We were on a "break" and then she just cut me off, didn't talk to me, deleted pics, etc. Basically did everything to say it was over without actually communicating it to me. So I needed to write the letter for my own sanity, to move to that next stage of acceptance.

 

And it helped a lot.

 

This is not to say I feel great everyday, or even most days, but it made a big difference.

 

Since then, whenever I feel like writing a letter or sending a text, I write what I want to say into an email, send it to myself (cheesy, I know) and that's that.

 

I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I feel like moving on without explicitly telling the other person is a cruel, selfish thing to do.

 

I know they say "no answer is an answer" but somehow that answer doesn't get through to me (lol). I still expect him to call one day. . . .

 

Tell me something though, did she ever respond to your break up letter? I'm pretty sure my ex would not which only makes him an even bigger a$$ IMO.

[ChrisMc]

I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I feel like moving on without explicitly telling the other person is a cruel, selfish thing to do.

 

I know they say "no answer is an answer" but somehow that answer doesn't get through to me (lol). I still expect him to call one day. . . .

 

Tell me something though, did she ever respond to your break up letter? I'm pretty sure my ex would not which only makes him an even bigger a$$ IMO.

 

Nope, she did not. Nor did I expect her to.

 

That wasn't why I wrote it. I wrote it for myself, and for my own piece of mind. I suppose I didn't need to send it to her to get that, but, being selfish, in order to fully get the closure I was looking for, I had to know that SHE knew I was over it all and I was not gonna sit around and wait.

[Username37]

I written a letter that I sent my ex.

 

Asked for a second chance

 

Didn't work.

[TaraMaiden]

(. . .)

Are you saying you use letter writing in a current relationship? That’s an interesting thought and something I think would work very well for (highly emotional) me

 

 

Yes, I do.

I just find it gives him food for thought, because talking about many different things affecting us, is difficult for him.

So writing to him, helps to open him up.

Or at least, it leaves him in no doubt as to how I feel and where I stand.

I'm never rude, accusatory, insistent or demanding.

I just state things as they are, as I see them, and seek his response....