Sunny-side-up Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Hi There, I wonder whether I can get some assistance from the wise!? I broke up with my bf of 4yrs almost 2.5yrs ago now. All throughout our break up we've texted each other every couple of months to tell each other we still think of them. At the end of last year, we were going to meet for the first time but it got called off by my ex who was splitting with his partner at the time. In the end, I told him to draw a line and not contact me again. Then, mid this year I got a text outta the blue telling me I didn't need to reply but he still thought of me, loved me etc etc. I didn't reply to the text but decided to call him a couple of months later to see how he was. We spoke for ten mins just catching up on life. After the call he sent me a text to say he'd been thinking all day of what he wanted to say to me but didn't and hoped that he'd get the chance. I replied that I enjoyed speaking to him and for him to keep in touch. That was a few months ago now... I've not heard from him since. Why's he doing this?
jms76 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Sunny Hard to say? I often think of my ex(s) when life is not going my way. It's normal for both women and men to do this. The real question is does it bother you to hear from him? Do you still have feelings for him? I'm guessing you might. If it does bother you but you want to move on, the best thing to do would be for you to not respond by phone, email, facebook, text etc. Bottom line is you will probably never know the real reason(s) as to why he continues to stay in touch so worry about the only things you can control. Whether you choose to stay in contact with him is part of that control.
Author Sunny-side-up Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Thanks JMS. Well, if it be known, theres not been many a day since we broke up that I haven't thought of him. I've had other relationships since him and have met guys much sweeter, trusting, loving etc etc.... But still, when I boil it all down, they've not been everything I need. Yes, its also true that I think of my ex more when I'm not in a relationship myself, or when I've realised my relations are not exactly how I'd want them. But, do I still have feelings for him? Yes. I've never experienced such a roller coaster in all my life. That guy took me to the heights of the sky and the lows of the darkest deepest sea. We had a lot of fun. We also dragged our relationship through a lot of stress. My head tells me that we've had our time, he's special but I gotta move on. Too much water, too much pain. My heart tells me that I met my nemesis and my soul mate rolled in one. I'll never meet another like him... he made me feel alive. (not that I feel dead now... just that he really woke up all of my senses!) I expect he feels the same. Not sure what to do.
jms76 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Sunny I guess I like to hear that you still think of your ex even though you called it off. Even when you were in other relationships. I miss my ex and I often think of her. She split with me a couple months ago and while I didn't want it to end, she stated she wasn't feeling it. If I was younger I would've done all the wrong things (beg, plead, get angry etc) Instead I left her apartment and started the moving on process right away. I wish I could contact her but A) it would be hard on me and B) it's selfish. Perhaps she's having a tough time with the break too? If you want to try again with your ex, the only advice I can offer is to see what's changed. Is he the same man he was when you dated? Has he done anything to better himself? What guarantees do you have that you won't be right back on that roller coaster again? People often get back together only to rekindle a doomed relationship because neither person changed/grew. But if you really want to know, pick up the phone:cool: Just my 2 cents for what it's worth.
Author Sunny-side-up Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 Hi JMS, Try again with the ex? Well, thats a tough one. I did try at the end of the last year but, as I said, he called off a meeting between us since he was in the middle of a break up with his partner at the time. He felt he needed to do right by her firstly and advised that I shouldn't wait for him, instead, I should move on with my life and if/when such time arose that he was in a position to contact me, he would. However, I wasn't able to handle this and decided to close the chapter. (There were issues of infidelity on his part at the end of our relationship and I had reminded him of this when he was in contact with me... telling me he still loved me but was seeing her).... Changed? Well, he wasn't in a hurry to do the dirty on her....I suppose. Better himself? Well, that would be difficult to find out without starting some kind of regular contact again and this is where it becomes difficult because I'm not sure that's what he wants. Wouldn't he ask to meet me if thats what hed like to do? Wouldn't he call me? I kinda feel that perhaps I'm the 911 emergancy when things are tough and he wants his ego massaged. Other than that, hes happy to keep me at arms length. When we first broke up, we remained in contact until he got a new gf, then I didn't hear from him. He did say (during their split) this was because he wanted to give me and my new partner space but I feel differently about that. With regards to your situation, I really feel for you but I agree with what you've done. Are you still friends now? I would suspect thats the most you could get from her. If she said she wasn't "feeling it", then thats pretty terminal. Did she explain which boxes you didn't tick for her?
jms76 Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 Hey Sunny I'm not sure why he doesn't just come right out and see if you two could get together for drinks or even just a cup of coffee? Perhaps he's just popping in randomly to check up on you. Either way I agree that since he called off the meeting, the onus is on him to initiate another meeting. In the meantime, I would move on. There's really nothing else you can do at this point except wonder what's going on inside his head. Good luck with that:cool: Does he live nearby/same city? Any mutual friends? As for me my ex and I are really nothing. I've seen her a couple times, made small talk and that's it. When she initiated the split I didn't argue or ask any additional questions once I realized that her interest level dropped low enough for her to want out. I learned long ago that once someone's interest falls below a certain threshold, it's virtually impossible to raise it again. Even in a second or third go around. It's painful but that's life. I'm glad I met her and perhaps I'll meet her again someday. Just as you might meet your ex again.
Author Sunny-side-up Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 Hey Sunny I'm not sure why he doesn't just come right out and see if you two could get together for drinks or even just a cup of coffee? Perhaps he's just popping in randomly to check up on you. Either way I agree that since he called off the meeting, the onus is on him to initiate another meeting. In the meantime, I would move on. There's really nothing else you can do at this point except wonder what's going on inside his head. Good luck with that:cool: Does he live nearby/same city? Any mutual friends? As for me my ex and I are really nothing. I've seen her a couple times, made small talk and that's it. When she initiated the split I didn't argue or ask any additional questions once I realized that her interest level dropped low enough for her to want out. I learned long ago that once someone's interest falls below a certain threshold, it's virtually impossible to raise it again. Even in a second or third go around. It's painful but that's life. I'm glad I met her and perhaps I'll meet her again someday. Just as you might meet your ex again. Hey JMS, Yeah... I think its a mixture of him thinking "what if", being scared and having nobody in his life at that point in time. I'd like to think love conquers all and that we could get past our differences but I realise the hard truth of it all is that some endings are simply tragic. We never could understand how two people who loved each other couldn't be together but at the same time, I'm done with chasing him. He knows where I am if he wants me. If he wants me that much, he'd put himself on the line. I agree with your comments entirely... no point in fighting for something thats clearly not there. In the same instance, I had an end to a relationship, not so dissimilar to yours... nicest guy I ever met but just wasn't feeling it.... who knows, she may spend some time apart and realise you were the best thing ever.
jms76 Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Sunny Yup...if he wants you that much, he'll go the extra mile. Nothing else you can do except stop trying. I think my ex let me go because I was too nice. At first she loved it because her ex hubby was a douche. Being treated nice was foreign to her. Her interest level dropped because I became less of a challenge to her over time. I'll never understand why women want to be treated like sh*t but I guess the woman I want to be with won't! Happy hunting to us both! Keep me posted on your ex. I'd like to hear if anything happens.
lightning Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 Sunny, I reckon he obviously still cares about you and checks in to see if you're still there and knows you are because you still reply. Maybe he doesnt have the balls to put it all on the table and then I suppose you have to think to yourself do you want someone who won't risk rejection to be with you again.... I don't know, if I were you I would probably want to see if something was still there and the only way you could do that right now is start up contact with him but you'd have to be sure you won't be shattered if his contact is nothing but an ego trip every few months... I'm a softy and I like the thought of having your 'one' and you let each other go and come back to each other later in life and be sure about the relationship.
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