About to start school. Now im scared.

[marigo]

Its been a while since i wrote about my ex here. 7 months broken up, been NC this entire summer. I didnt think id be writing about him again especially since i felt like ive been okay the past month. I felt like im really moving on and i havent cried about him in a while. I even met someone new (even though that didnt really go anywhere and im still sad about it), i was able to divert my attention to other people and other things and not just my ex. Lately though, ive been emotional. I dont know if its coz i know school is about to start very soon and i know im gonna see him at work since we both work on campus or my classes. Added to the fact that he just changed his profile pic on facebook of him and the new girl. Wow, i didnt think id be affected or id cry, but i guess seeing him actually with another girl is a lot different than just seeing his relationship status as "in a relationship with..."

 

I have all these thoughts running through my head and i dont know how to stop. Its so hard knowing that the next time i see him, hes thinking about someone else. Him and his new gf will be long distance. Well, knowing him, he'd probably go home every weekend to see her or she can come down to his apartment on weekends. I cant help but compare and think that he used to be sad whenever we part. Now i keep thinking that hes gonna be sad again, but this time, not because of me but because he'll be parting from someone else. I hate these thoughts.

 

I finally felt that after a long time, ive learned to be happy again and ive felt okay. But im scared that when i see him, im gonna be back to the girl i used to be after the break up. The crying, pathetic, desperate girl who wants him back. Im scared.

[ohno89]

Marigo, I'm in pretty much the same situation as you except - i don't know if yours did - but my ex cheated on me and is now with the same girl, they went on holiday together right away at the start of summer, he moved in with her after that and she is unfortunately NOT long distant so I'll probably not only be seeing his delightful face around, but hers too...together. Great!

 

I don't really know what advice to give you as I feel the exact same - I was cooping fine during the middle of summer - not so great right after and now, not so great at the end of summer, knowing I'm probably gonna bump into him in a couple weeks time and it terrifies me. I don't know how to act around him, I don't know if I'll be able to sustain a happy facade like I'm planning to and I'm scared that I'm gonna be right back at square one the minute I see him...or better yet, just break down infront of him and his friends!

 

All I can really do for now is sympathise with you and, like me, try, try, TRY to just put on that happy face when you see him around, even if you're dying inside...and keep us updated!

[LoveTruthChaos]

PLEASE DELETE FACEBOOK

 

(yes, I'm shouting)

[ohno89]

PLEASE DELETE FACEBOOK

 

(yes, I'm shouting)

 

Oh yeah, sorry I completely forgot to mention the most obvious thing here - TRUST ME - delete him. Please. Thank you.

[marigo]

Marigo, I'm in pretty much the same situation as you except - i don't know if yours did - but my ex cheated on me and is now with the same girl, they went on holiday together right away at the start of summer, he moved in with her after that and she is unfortunately NOT long distant so I'll probably not only be seeing his delightful face around, but hers too...together. Great!

 

I don't really know what advice to give you as I feel the exact same - I was cooping fine during the middle of summer - not so great right after and now, not so great at the end of summer, knowing I'm probably gonna bump into him in a couple weeks time and it terrifies me. I don't know how to act around him, I don't know if I'll be able to sustain a happy facade like I'm planning to and I'm scared that I'm gonna be right back at square one the minute I see him...or better yet, just break down infront of him and his friends!

 

All I can really do for now is sympathise with you and, like me, try, try, TRY to just put on that happy face when you see him around, even if you're dying inside...and keep us updated!

 

OhNo89: im sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing. My ex didnt cheat on me although mine involved some jealousy with another girl. Thank God, he didnt end up with that girl because that wouldve been harder to deal with. At the time i kept thinking, "any girl but her" but i guess in the end you realize that no matter who it is, its gonna be difficult to see him with a girl other than yourself. So i cant imagine what you have to go through and have to see the faces of your ex and that homewrecker.

 

I have been an emotional wreck the beginning of summer. Started feeling a lot better in the middle after going out on a trip, meeting a new guy, and meeting new friends. I got emotional just the past 2 weeks and especially the past few days. It's our senior year of college and its hard to accept that ive always seen us together and enjoying our last year of college together. But now hes with someone else and it hurts.

 

But I completely agree with you. TRY TO PUT ON A HAPPY FACE. the last time he saw me and the last time he talked to me, i did nothing but cry. I cant cry anymore. At least not in front of him anymore. He needs to see a girl who is able to live her life without him. So i say do the same for you. I dont know about you, but i shopped a lot especially for this new school year. If i look good, i feel good and i feel better about myself. Of course, im gonna lie if i say that a part of the reason why i want to look good is for when my ex sees me, he wouldnt think that i ruined my life and physically, i look like a mess too. So id say, shop! Do it for yourself to make yourself feel better. When your ex and that homewrecker sees you, theyd be amazed of the fact that you didnt forget to take care of yourself. And a bonus, you could start getting attention from other boys and meet Mr. Right.

 

Also, if you dont mind me asking, how long have you and ur ex been broken up? Have you talked to him since?

 

PLEASE DELETE FACEBOOK

 

(yes, I'm shouting)

 

LoveTruthChaos: I really wish i could but i came from another country and that is the only way i reconnect with my family and friends back home. I already blocked him off my newsfeed. Unfortunately, whenever i go to my friend's pages, his name and pic always pops out as the "mutual friend" thats how i see him.

Edited September 20, 2010 by marigo

[ohno89]

OhNo89: im sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing. My ex didnt cheat on me although mine involved some jealousy with another girl. Thank God, he didnt end up with that girl because that wouldve been harder to deal with. At the time i kept thinking, "any girl but her" but i guess in the end you realize that no matter who it is, its gonna be difficult to see him with a girl other than yourself. So i cant imagine what you have to go through and have to see the faces of your ex and that homewrecker.

 

I have been an emotional wreck the beginning of summer. Started feeling a lot better in the middle after going out on a trip, meeting a new guy, and meeting new friends. I got emotional just the past 2 weeks and especially the past few days. It's our senior year of college and its hard to accept that ive always seen us together and enjoying our last year of college together. But now hes with someone else and it hurts.

 

But I completely agree with you. TRY TO PUT ON A HAPPY FACE. the last time he saw me and the last time he talked to me, i did nothing but cry. I cant cry anymore. At least not in front of him anymore. He needs to see a girl who is able to live her life without him. So i say do the same for you. I dont know about you, but i shopped a lot especially for this new school year. If i look good, i feel good and i feel better about myself. Of course, im gonna lie if i say that a part of the reason why i want to look good is for when my ex sees me, he wouldnt think that i ruined my life and physically, i look like a mess too. So id say, shop! Do it for yourself to make yourself feel better. When your ex and that homewrecker sees you, theyd be amazed of the fact that you didnt forget to take care of yourself. And a bonus, you could start getting attention from other boys and meet Mr. Right.

 

Also, if you dont mind me asking, how long have you and ur ex been broken up? Have you talked to him since?

 

LoveTruthChaos: I really wish i could but i came from another country and that is the only way i reconnect with my family and friends back home. I already blocked him off my newsfeed. Unfortunately, whenever i go to my friend's pages, his name and pic always pops out as the "mutual friend" thats how i see him.

 

My goodness Marigo, YOU SOUND LIKE THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD!! Haha...our feelings right now are all too similar! Everything in bold, is everything I feel. The last couple weeks of, partly being a little bored I'll admit! Mixed with an engagement party, a wedding, and just a couple weeks left until univeristy have caused me to relapse massively; I feel awful! Me and my ex also talked about graduating together, infact, just after we broke up but before he told me he cheated, I reminded him of how we were supposed to graduate together and he was like "what? we can still graudate together....?" I think I literally told him he was crazy!

 

And yeah, the last time I saw him (well I actually saw him and this girl leaving the supermarket together a few weeks after we broke up) but before that, the last time I saw him was when we broke up and he told me he cheated and I was an AWFUL mess! It's so so funny that you mention shopping because this is exactly what I've been doing. Sure it's not great on my finances and is probably the reason I couldn't get away this summer but I LOVE buying new clothes and feeling good in them. And yes, if my ex sees me in my nice, new clothes then it's a bonus! I have definitely taken full advantage of retail therapy! However, sadly, clothes don't replace boyfriends haha.

 

And in answer to your question, it's been about 4 months since the break-up and no, havent spoken since the week of the break-up. Within that same week, after he told me he cheated, he STILL somehow managed to turn things around on me (coz in the 2weeks he told me to literally just leave him alone for no reason, I went to a party and a guy I saw 2 yrs ago who he hates was there?!) so he stopped replying to my texts and I was in NO way gonna keep contacting him..

 

But thank you for your advice. I hope things go okay for the both of us..keep me posted; we can handle this together!

[marigo]

My goodness Marigo, YOU SOUND LIKE THE INSIDE OF MY HEAD!! Haha...our feelings right now are all too similar! Everything in bold, is everything I feel. The last couple weeks of, partly being a little bored I'll admit! Mixed with an engagement party, a wedding, and just a couple weeks left until univeristy have caused me to relapse massively; I feel awful! Me and my ex also talked about graduating together, infact, just after we broke up but before he told me he cheated, I reminded him of how we were supposed to graduate together and he was like "what? we can still graudate together....?" I think I literally told him he was crazy!

 

And yeah, the last time I saw him (well I actually saw him and this girl leaving the supermarket together a few weeks after we broke up) but before that, the last time I saw him was when we broke up and he told me he cheated and I was an AWFUL mess! It's so so funny that you mention shopping because this is exactly what I've been doing. Sure it's not great on my finances and is probably the reason I couldn't get away this summer but I LOVE buying new clothes and feeling good in them. And yes, if my ex sees me in my nice, new clothes then it's a bonus! I have definitely taken full advantage of retail therapy! However, sadly, clothes don't replace boyfriends haha.

 

And in answer to your question, it's been about 4 months since the break-up and no, havent spoken since the week of the break-up. Within that same week, after he told me he cheated, he STILL somehow managed to turn things around on me (coz in the 2weeks he told me to literally just leave him alone for no reason, I went to a party and a guy I saw 2 yrs ago who he hates was there?!) so he stopped replying to my texts and I was in NO way gonna keep contacting him..

 

But thank you for your advice. I hope things go okay for the both of us..keep me posted; we can handle this together!

 

Hi ohno89,

 

Haha, ur post def made me laugh. Not too long ago, i just finished packing since i go back to university tomorrow although school doesnt really start until Thursday. Now im stressed about where to put all the new clothes and make up and shoes i bought this summer. We both definitely took full advantage of retail therapy. But im glad you did the same because if i know it made me feel better, im sure it helped you a lot too. Although, true, new clothes cant replace boyfriends. Sometimes i feel like im fooling myself, on the outside, i can pretend as much that im happy and show him that im happy even if im dying inside. But then when i see him, well his facebook, i know hes genuinely happy while i feel like mine is all for show.In the end, i feel like a loser still.

 

And omg, my ex said the same thing about graduating together too!! Well, we have different majors so our graduation would probably be on different days but i told him i want him to be there on my graduation and he said he wants me to be there on his. And i was like "how am i supposed to be there if you have a new gf? i dont think she'd want me to be there." sure enough, he gets a gf this summer. coz i know in my heart, he'd be hard to replace.

 

I am proud of you for not clinging onto your ex after the break up though and not trying to keep contacting him after. Im sure it wasnt easy. My ex and i tried to be friends for 3 months before i told him i need to stay away from him for now because it was hurting me too much. Everyday for those 3 months, we would talk to each other everyday and hang out everyday. Of course, i humiliated myself for 3 months crying almost every time we saw each other and begged and pleaded. Now im so embarrassed. Maybe thats why i dont want to see him. Im embarrassed for what i did but at the same time, im glad it happened because it taught me such a valuable lesson and that he doesnt deserve me. Im just bitter he has a gf now.

 

And the part you talked about your ex turning things around, oh boy, that makes me mad!! He probably just wants to have a reason to say something bad about you (totally not meant to attack your ex btw). But you know most guys and their egos.

 

I will def keep you posted. Same with you! Keep me updated with whats going on. And if you ever need to vent, just vent it out here. I am here to listen. I actually made a friend here, Lullaby, but i havent talked to her in a while. When do you start school? Make sure to look your best!!!

[ohno89]

Hi ohno89,

 

Haha, ur post def made me laugh. Not too long ago, i just finished packing since i go back to university tomorrow although school doesnt really start until Thursday. Now im stressed about where to put all the new clothes and make up and shoes i bought this summer. We both definitely took full advantage of retail therapy. But im glad you did the same because if i know it made me feel better, im sure it helped you a lot too. Although, true, new clothes cant replace boyfriends. Sometimes i feel like im fooling myself, on the outside, i can pretend as much that im happy and show him that im happy even if im dying inside. But then when i see him, well his facebook, i know hes genuinely happy while i feel like mine is all for show.In the end, i feel like a loser still.

 

And omg, my ex said the same thing about graduating together too!! Well, we have different majors so our graduation would probably be on different days but i told him i want him to be there on my graduation and he said he wants me to be there on his. And i was like "how am i supposed to be there if you have a new gf? i dont think she'd want me to be there." sure enough, he gets a gf this summer. coz i know in my heart, he'd be hard to replace.

 

I am proud of you for not clinging onto your ex after the break up though and not trying to keep contacting him after. Im sure it wasnt easy. My ex and i tried to be friends for 3 months before i told him i need to stay away from him for now because it was hurting me too much. Everyday for those 3 months, we would talk to each other everyday and hang out everyday. Of course, i humiliated myself for 3 months crying almost every time we saw each other and begged and pleaded. Now im so embarrassed. Maybe thats why i dont want to see him. Im embarrassed for what i did but at the same time, im glad it happened because it taught me such a valuable lesson and that he doesnt deserve me. Im just bitter he has a gf now.

 

And the part you talked about your ex turning things around, oh boy, that makes me mad!! He probably just wants to have a reason to say something bad about you (totally not meant to attack your ex btw). But you know most guys and their egos.

 

I will def keep you posted. Same with you! Keep me updated with whats going on. And if you ever need to vent, just vent it out here. I am here to listen. I actually made a friend here, Lullaby, but i havent talked to her in a while. When do you start school? Make sure to look your best!!!

 

Haha, yeah I did wonder where all my new stuff's gonna go but I had a massive clear out of my old stuff last week so I should be okay...isn't there a saying about messy room, messy head?! Ha, I was obviously trying whatever I could to clear my head!

 

Ahh, when you mentioned the whole fooling yourself part, the first thing I thought to say was go read my 'Defeated' thread but I see you've already replied, thank you for checking that out and contributing I'm starting to slowly see the benefits of starting school again as opposed to just dreading seeing my ex. Our ex's are in a like a million people at univeristy and - even thought I ALWAYS seem to bump into mine - I'm hoping even you too, will have far too much going on, seeing our friends and probably far too much work on to focus this much on our ex's. True, we will still think and worry about them but you seem like a very level-headed girl; hopefully like me, the desire the do well in your final year and NOT let your ex take yet another thing away from you, will motivate you to focus on the more important things in life. And i very much think - even if you have to secretly run into the nearest toilets and cry after - still remain happy if he's around, keep smiling...

 

Can just ask, have you deleted your ex from FB or has he got an open profile?

 

To be honest, the only reason I didn't keep in contact with him was the betrayal. Had I had a cleaner break up with him, I do think we'd definitely both have kept in touch so please don't feel too bad about not going NC straight away. It's all done with now and at least you can say you literally gave it your all... I don't regret going NC straight away but I do sometimes think "what if I stayed in touch with him? what if I indicated that I could maybe forgive him cheating then he wouldn't still have gone off with this girl?" Literally, people will have regrets no matter what so don't beat yourself up about it..

 

And yes, I agree; he didn't have a valid enough reason and I'm actually SO mad at myself for actually then giving him a reason to validate what he had done to me like "i'm glad I left her if she'd been spending time with that guy" ....I do feel at times, I might've shot myself in the foot there but he cheated regardless and before he even found out so meh, whatever. Men have terrible egos, you're right!

 

And thank you Marigo, I'm sure I will still be posting on here when I'm back at uni and I'll definitely check in on how you're doing...when do you go back? I go back next weekend.. I will keep hopes up for the both of us! x

Edited September 20, 2010 by ohno89

[marigo]

Haha, yeah I did wonder where all my new stuff's gonna go but I had a massive clear out of my old stuff last week so I should be okay...isn't there a saying about messy room, messy head?! Ha, I was obviously trying whatever I could to clear my head!

 

Ahh, when you mentioned the whole fooling yourself part, the first thing I thought to say was go read my 'Defeated' thread but I see you've already replied, thank you for checking that out and contributing I'm starting to slowly see the benefits of starting school again as opposed to just dreading seeing my ex. Our ex's are in a like a million people at univeristy and - even thought I ALWAYS seem to bump into mine - I'm hoping even you too, will have far too much going on, seeing our friends and probably far too much work on to focus this much on our ex's. True, we will still think and worry about them but you seem like a very level-headed girl; hopefully like me, the desire the do well in your final year and NOT let your ex take yet another thing away from you, will motivate you to focus on the more important things in life. And i very much think - even if you have to secretly run into the nearest toilets and cry after - still remain happy if he's around, keep smiling...

 

Can just ask, have you deleted your ex from FB or has he got an open profile?

 

To be honest, the only reason I didn't keep in contact with him was the betrayal. Had I had a cleaner break up with him, I do think we'd definitely both have kept in touch so please don't feel too bad about not going NC straight away. It's all done with now and at least you can say you literally gave it your all... I don't regret going NC straight away but I do sometimes think "what if I stayed in touch with him? what if I indicated that I could maybe forgive him cheating then he wouldn't still have gone off with this girl?" Literally, people will have regrets no matter what so don't beat yourself up about it..

 

And yes, I agree; he didn't have a valid enough reason and I'm actually SO mad at myself for actually then giving him a reason to validate what he had done to me like "i'm glad I left her if she'd been spending time with that guy" ....I do feel at times, I might've shot myself in the foot there but he cheated regardless and before he even found out so meh, whatever. Men have terrible egos, you're right!

 

And thank you Marigo, I'm sure I will still be posting on here when I'm back at uni and I'll definitely check in on how you're doing...when do you go back? I go back next weekend.. I will keep hopes up for the both of us! x

 

Hey ohno89!

 

Omg! i def agree with the whole messy room messy head, because i havent really cleaned up my apartment and the way it looks def made me even more depressed. So yesterday as soon as i got back, i cleaned out my closet and cleaned out my room and i actually feel much better. Haha. So funny that you're doing the same thing! Def a way to clear your head. And i even changed my sheets to sumthin bright and fun and it actually makes me feel better. Haha. Maybe you shuld change your sheet to something colorful too! Or maybe im just weird like that. Haha.

 

And yes, you're right. Even if we're both probably gonna worry and cry and get hurt and get scared at some points, we have to keep thinking that we really cannot let this person ruin our lives again. Theyve already taken so much from us that they cant take anything away from us anymore. Like what i said on you're "defeated" thread, we deserve our happy ending too.

 

No, i actually havent deleted my ex off my facebook. I know a part of me doesnt want to because i do want him to see whats going on with my life. Even if some of them are just for show, i want him to see that i can live my life without him and im not just sitting at home crying for him all the time. But of course, as a consequence, i have to see things about him that would hurt me. Im really stubborn and even if i blocked him off my newsfeed, i still go on his page and look at it myself. Kinda defeats the purpose of blocking him off my newsfeed but i cant help it. There has been times (well recently) wen i got soo close to deleting him coz i would get annoyed whenever he would put a status about him and his new gf. But i dont know. I cant get myself to delete him. And when i see things, it affects me but it goes away quickly now. It doesnt consume me anymore. And call me stupid but i actually kind of want to annoy the new girl. We still have 2 years worth of comments on our facebook and as a girl, im sure she stalks me too and would look at me and my ex's old comments to each other. I know its sad that i kind of want revenge or to annoy her even just one bit but i justify it and think they both made me go through hell. Have you deleted you're ex from your facebook??

 

And the betrayal your ex did to you def made a huge difference. Of course you'd always have the "what ifs"- what if i kept in contact with him, what if this and that- but i think you really made a good decision about not staying in contact with him. You were able to preserve you're dignity and you didnt give him a reason to reassure himself that breaking up with you and cheating on you was the right thing to do. Obviously, he created his own validation by getting mad at you for hanging out with you're guy friend but we both know its coz he couldnt find any other reason to justify his actions and hes just using that. So dont be mad at yourself.

 

Just curious though, how long were you and your ex together?

 

And I go back to school this week. Im actually back at my off campus apartment and walked around school yesterday with my friend. Boy was i scared. My friend said i looked distracted coz i kept looking around and i know i was looking for him though i dont know if hes back. I sure tried to look cute though! Haha. You should do the same!

[ohno89]

Hey ohno89!

 

Omg! i def agree with the whole messy room messy head, because i havent really cleaned up my apartment and the way it looks def made me even more depressed. So yesterday as soon as i got back, i cleaned out my closet and cleaned out my room and i actually feel much better. Haha. So funny that you're doing the same thing! Def a way to clear your head. And i even changed my sheets to sumthin bright and fun and it actually makes me feel better. Haha. Maybe you shuld change your sheet to something colorful too! Or maybe im just weird like that. Haha.

 

And yes, you're right. Even if we're both probably gonna worry and cry and get hurt and get scared at some points, we have to keep thinking that we really cannot let this person ruin our lives again. Theyve already taken so much from us that they cant take anything away from us anymore. Like what i said on you're "defeated" thread, we deserve our happy ending too.

 

No, i actually havent deleted my ex off my facebook. I know a part of me doesnt want to because i do want him to see whats going on with my life. Even if some of them are just for show, i want him to see that i can live my life without him and im not just sitting at home crying for him all the time. But of course, as a consequence, i have to see things about him that would hurt me. Im really stubborn and even if i blocked him off my newsfeed, i still go on his page and look at it myself. Kinda defeats the purpose of blocking him off my newsfeed but i cant help it. There has been times (well recently) wen i got soo close to deleting him coz i would get annoyed whenever he would put a status about him and his new gf. But i dont know. I cant get myself to delete him. And when i see things, it affects me but it goes away quickly now. It doesnt consume me anymore. And call me stupid but i actually kind of want to annoy the new girl. We still have 2 years worth of comments on our facebook and as a girl, im sure she stalks me too and would look at me and my ex's old comments to each other. I know its sad that i kind of want revenge or to annoy her even just one bit but i justify it and think they both made me go through hell. Have you deleted you're ex from your facebook??

 

And the betrayal your ex did to you def made a huge difference. Of course you'd always have the "what ifs"- what if i kept in contact with him, what if this and that- but i think you really made a good decision about not staying in contact with him. You were able to preserve you're dignity and you didnt give him a reason to reassure himself that breaking up with you and cheating on you was the right thing to do. Obviously, he created his own validation by getting mad at you for hanging out with you're guy friend but we both know its coz he couldnt find any other reason to justify his actions and hes just using that. So dont be mad at yourself.

 

Just curious though, how long were you and your ex together?

 

And I go back to school this week. Im actually back at my off campus apartment and walked around school yesterday with my friend. Boy was i scared. My friend said i looked distracted coz i kept looking around and i know i was looking for him though i dont know if hes back. I sure tried to look cute though! Haha. You should do the same!

 

 

Haha, I'm glad the cleaning helped Marigo! I have a nice load of packing to do for univeristy this weekend so that should do the trick, new surroundings!

 

Hmmm...the FB thing. Right now normally, I'd be like "how have you not deleted him?!" but the thing now is, it's probably a little late for you know. I know it sounds silly but you don't wanna show him that he's getting to you so removing him now would probably show just that. But unfortunately, if you're gonna keep him, you've gotta put up with your urges to stalk and finding out things you don't want to. Personally, I was the same at first; I didn't want my ex to know he was getting to me and wanted to show him I was having a great time without him but he actually deleted me a couple weeks after the break-up. I'd like to think it was coz I was getting to him but actually, pictures of him and this girl started appearing and I honestly just think he felt like he shouldn't have to feel guilty for them going up coz of his ex-gf so he deleted me. I'd love to say he was protecting me from being hurt but heck, that care from him left the day he cheated; it was purely a selfish thing coz he didn't wanna feel guilty and shove things in my face about his new R. Sadly though, I felt the need to continue hurting myself and I actually went on his FB off a friends account and saw all of their holiday pictures (where they were basically just f***ed off drugs) and the fact that he'd moved in with her, was now officially "In a Relationship" with her....it was awful. I can honestly say, worst decision of my LIFE to ever feel the need to know about his new life. It made sense at the time and took a while for me to stop getting the urge to go on it but i'd had enough; I told my friend to change her password and was done with it. And now that I am, I don;t know why or how I ever did it in the first place. FB is a horrible thing..... as i said, i can understand you not wanting to delete him and if you truly mean it when you say you don't dwell on it anymore then... I guess you know what's best for you but personally, the less I know, the better. Maybe start trying to just not go on it rather than delete...I know it's hard but it's a start!

 

And thank you for your words... I try to remind myself of these all the time so it's nice to know others at least agree! And we were together a year and a half. It was a little on/off a couple times but nothing that serious until obviously the last straw! I was literally by his side from his second week at univeristy, through everything - a lot of drama he actually bought onto me that I stupidly forgave him for and I honestly thought we'd last at least through uni...

 

Haha, I will completely be the same! Have you bumped into him yet? And yes, make sure your hair and outfit are on point everytime!

 

I was gonna mention this in the other thread but forgot...how are you actually doing on the coping front? I don't know about you but I find it helps if you just imagine (like who gives a crap if it's true or not), imagine that your ex is actually quite unhappy in his new R and regrets what he did and always will. I know it might not actually be true and it's argued that actually, we need to accept that but I honestly think - so long as 1) we don't get false hope over it 2) it doesn't set our progress back 3) it doesn't become unhealthy - I don't see why we can't just tell ourselves this if it helps us cope and makes us feel better about ourselves. It sure makes me feel better!

[marigo]

Haha, I'm glad the cleaning helped Marigo! I have a nice load of packing to do for univeristy this weekend so that should do the trick, new surroundings!

 

Hmmm...the FB thing. Right now normally, I'd be like "how have you not deleted him?!" but the thing now is, it's probably a little late for you know. I know it sounds silly but you don't wanna show him that he's getting to you so removing him now would probably show just that. But unfortunately, if you're gonna keep him, you've gotta put up with your urges to stalk and finding out things you don't want to. Personally, I was the same at first; I didn't want my ex to know he was getting to me and wanted to show him I was having a great time without him but he actually deleted me a couple weeks after the break-up. I'd like to think it was coz I was getting to him but actually, pictures of him and this girl started appearing and I honestly just think he felt like he shouldn't have to feel guilty for them going up coz of his ex-gf so he deleted me. I'd love to say he was protecting me from being hurt but heck, that care from him left the day he cheated; it was purely a selfish thing coz he didn't wanna feel guilty and shove things in my face about his new R. Sadly though, I felt the need to continue hurting myself and I actually went on his FB off a friends account and saw all of their holiday pictures (where they were basically just f***ed off drugs) and the fact that he'd moved in with her, was now officially "In a Relationship" with her....it was awful. I can honestly say, worst decision of my LIFE to ever feel the need to know about his new life. It made sense at the time and took a while for me to stop getting the urge to go on it but i'd had enough; I told my friend to change her password and was done with it. And now that I am, I don;t know why or how I ever did it in the first place. FB is a horrible thing..... as i said, i can understand you not wanting to delete him and if you truly mean it when you say you don't dwell on it anymore then... I guess you know what's best for you but personally, the less I know, the better. Maybe start trying to just not go on it rather than delete...I know it's hard but it's a start!

 

And thank you for your words... I try to remind myself of these all the time so it's nice to know others at least agree! And we were together a year and a half. It was a little on/off a couple times but nothing that serious until obviously the last straw! I was literally by his side from his second week at univeristy, through everything - a lot of drama he actually bought onto me that I stupidly forgave him for and I honestly thought we'd last at least through uni...

 

Haha, I will completely be the same! Have you bumped into him yet? And yes, make sure your hair and outfit are on point everytime!

 

I was gonna mention this in the other thread but forgot...how are you actually doing on the coping front? I don't know about you but I find it helps if you just imagine (like who gives a crap if it's true or not), imagine that your ex is actually quite unhappy in his new R and regrets what he did and always will. I know it might not actually be true and it's argued that actually, we need to accept that but I honestly think - so long as 1) we don't get false hope over it 2) it doesn't set our progress back 3) it doesn't become unhealthy - I don't see why we can't just tell ourselves this if it helps us cope and makes us feel better about ourselves. It sure makes me feel better!

 

Hey ohno89,

 

yes, i bumped into him. we work at the same place and i had a feeling he'd be working today. im working all day today and i dont know about him. i had a feeling he'd avoid me and i think thats what hes doing right now. im hurting so bad ryt now. im trying to hold back all the tears and release them when i get home. we bumped into each other when he just got out of the bathroom and i was going in. he didnt seem to happy to see me. in fact, i dont know what that was. he looked scared, shocked and didnt know what to do. it was very quick. a "hi, how are you?" that lasted less than 30 seconds. i feel so broken right now. seeing him made me realize how much i missed him and how much i still love him. i wanted to hug him so badly and tell him that i miss him but i cant anymore. I cannot believe we used to be bestfriends and now we're worse than strangers. he didnt even give each other a hug.

 

speaking of FB, this thing is seriously a torture. things ive seen there hasnt affected me in a while but it has recently. last night, i saw him write to her wall saying "i love you" that was a stab in my heart. i froze for a good 10 mins coz i didnt know how to react or how to feel. i cant believe hes already in love with someone else that fast. im not gonna delete him. but i agree that i need to stop stalking him and looking at his profile. just like you, i really dont need to know anything about his new life. i dont wanna hear anything about his new life. you seriously remind me of myself about going on your friend's facebook and checking it and hurting yourself. i didnt do exactly that, but i did do something like that to see the girl's profile since i can still see my Ex's. Im glad you had the will power to stop though. You're such a strong girl and i wish i could be more like you. I was about to stop stalking him until i met someone else and when i did, things i see on FB didnt affect me anymore. Of course not completely, id still get hurt but not like it used to. Thats why i kept checking because i like the feeling of not feeling anything about it. But seeing his new relationship getting serious breaks my heart.

 

And when you said that you put up with a lot of drama being with him is something that i know ur wishing he's gonna remember till the end. It's that feeling that "i was with you through everything" did you forget about that? But its those thing we would sacrifice and go through because we're so head over heels in love with them.

 

As far as the coping, i do what you do too, think that maybe he's not as happy as he make himself seem to be. I keep thinking that that girl is probably insecure with me because i already have a long history with her now bf while theyre just starting. i was his second gf and him and his first gf, they only lasted 2 months so i know that wasnt anything. I was his first love and first serious relationship. So sometimes i think that a lot of the first experiences he had was with me and she can never have that. Also, i went out on trips like Vegas and Hawaii with friends. Took up different activities such as dancing lessons, yoga, and figure skating. Whenever i feel down, i try to cope with it by just crying and crying. After i cry, i feel much better and im okay again. Thats how i know things dont consume me anymore. Because after i cry, it passes and it wont hurt me anymore.

 

How bout for you? What do you do to cope? A year and a half is a long time. Was he your first love?