JM121 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Hey, so I've never done anything like this before. Some background info on me: I did time in prison, 4 1/2 years to be exact. I was looking for a girlfriend online after I got out, and that's how we met. We got together less than 2 weeks after I was released, and we got married on our one year anniversary. We have now been married for 4 months, today. I feel like I am in hell. She feels like we have to be together almost all of the time, day and night. I have almost no "me" time. I have to fight for the time I get, because she feels like any time I'm not working,I should be "spending time with my wife". This means that I stay up late a few nights a week to game. Yes, I have been a gamer for years, it is how I grew up, and I enjoy it. I don't let it get in the way of my responsibilities, but she makes it seem like I'm a little kid cause I like it. She also does'nt like me to have friends, or go anywhere without her. The few times after work that I went out for a beer, I regretted it after wards. She hates my hobbies, friends, and music. I also enjoy smoking pot on occasion. She smokes VERY rarely, but that's about it. I maybe smoke 2-3 times a week. She hates that and won't even compromise on that. I'm not really a big drinker, so my way of relaxing is smoking a bowl and planing WoW. She drinks wine and watches tv. I'm not asking for a lot here, just, argh. SOME PEACE. She is the first Woman I have lived with. I am only 25, but I feel 50 because of her. IDK what to do HELP!
TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Was she like this during the year before you got married? How old is she?
Author JM121 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 She was not as bad, but there were times when I was like wait a sec. She is 24, I am 25. A big thing that gets me is how she tries soooo hard to get me to all but stop talking to my mom. My mom is the only person that has ever been there for me in my life, no matter what, and my wife hates that. She calls me a mommas boy and all, cause I call her at least 2-3 times a week, I don't think thats too bad, she talks to hers every day. She says its different between a mom and daughter.
florence of suburbia Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Sounds like she wants to be your new jailer.
TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 She was not as bad, but there were times when I was like wait a sec. She is 24, I am 25. A big thing that gets me is how she tries soooo hard to get me to all but stop talking to my mom. My mom is the only person that has ever been there for me in my life, no matter what, and my wife hates that. She calls me a mommas boy and all, cause I call her at least 2-3 times a week, I don't think thats too bad, she talks to hers every day. She says its different between a mom and daughter. Sorry, but it sounds like this girl is so immature. "Momma's boy" what the hell? Just because you keep contact with your mom? She also sounds insecure, that whole need to be with you 24/7, and the clingy factor, screams insecurity - hell, she's even jealous of your mom! I think that since you're newly married, and you're both still young, and if you're planning on staying married and being together for the long haul, you guys need to establish certain rules about things. You need to have a talk with her. Discussing how you need your "me-time" every so often, how there needs to be 2-way respect (hence, no childish remarks), and how there needs to be trust. Or else you guys aren't going to make it. But you also need to remember, that once you do get your me-time and all, to still pay attention to her and do things with her often enough so that she doesn't feel neglected. Good luck
TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Sounds like she wants to be your new jailer. so true!!! - she's my biggest fear about marraige
Westy Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 (edited) Hey, so I've never done anything like this before. Some background info on me: I did time in prison, 4 1/2 years to be exact. I was looking for a girlfriend online after I got out, and that's how we met. We got together less than 2 weeks after I was released, and we got married on our one year anniversary. We have now been married for 4 months, today. I feel like I am in hell. She feels like we have to be together almost all of the time, day and night. I have almost no "me" time. I have to fight for the time I get, because she feels like any time I'm not working,I should be "spending time with my wife". This means that I stay up late a few nights a week to game. Yes, I have been a gamer for years, it is how I grew up, and I enjoy it. I don't let it get in the way of my responsibilities, but she makes it seem like I'm a little kid cause I like it. She also does'nt like me to have friends, or go anywhere without her. The few times after work that I went out for a beer, I regretted it after wards. She hates my hobbies, friends, and music. I also enjoy smoking pot on occasion. She smokes VERY rarely, but that's about it. I maybe smoke 2-3 times a week. She hates that and won't even compromise on that. I'm not really a big drinker, so my way of relaxing is smoking a bowl and planing WoW. She drinks wine and watches tv. I'm not asking for a lot here, just, argh. SOME PEACE. She is the first Woman I have lived with. I am only 25, but I feel 50 because of her. IDK what to do HELP! Jesus are you me? Fortunately my relationship of 7 years recently ended without marriage. She needed me to be by her 24/7 (after 7 f'in years?) ON HER TERMS, all the time. i.e. whenever i caved and would go watch tv with her or whatever, when she was ready to do something else I could have my own time. I, like you, would stay up really late just to have me time. Same thing no going anywhere without her, ever. I wasnt in the least bit untrustworthy, just wanted a night out with the boys. Finally I got sick of it and ignored her plea's and "manned up" if you will and just got sick of it and would just tell her no, I need some time to myself and cant be smothered 24/7. This led the the ultimate fail of our relationship as "being in control" was kind of her nature and I am a very laid back easy going guy and finally got fed up and she couldnt handle it so we mutually decided to end it as in her words we had just become roomates. Dont get me wrong I loved her to death, still do, but jesus mary and joseph, a PERSON in general needs some me time. I completely understand not neglecting a woman and using her Its just during the week, I get home from work and you want me at your beck and call every night, they all weekend, gimme a friggin day woman! Edited September 21, 2010 by Westy
Stung Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 She does sound like she's over the top, but I'm a bit tempted to play devil's advocate here--at least to ask a few questions. On the occasions when she freaked out when you went out after work with a few buddies for beer, did you call her to let her know you weren't coming home for dinner, or was she sitting around expecting you? Has she ever told you that going to bed at the same time makes her feel more connected to you, or anything like that? Does she feel like she'd like to be cuddling or having sex with you, and you're rejecting that in order to smoke weed and play video games? Have you ever actually asked her any questions like these, or just reacted angrily and told her she was controlling?
Dazzel Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 No offense, but she sounds really controlling, clingy, and immature. Your hobbies shouldn't be ridiculed by your spouse. Everyone has their own tastes and interestes and I have never understood why some women find video games childish (as I myself am a female who loves video games). Heck, I also like other childish things, like anime (which are cartoons marketed to adults, but could still be seen as childish). For my future husband to berrate them? Hah! No way. Perhaps you could tell her that her baseless conclusions and jabs at your hobbies are far more childish than the fact that you enjoy playing your games? People NEED their alone time. I know this so well. I am very introverted. I love to spend time with my boyfriend, but after a while I am done and want to go home and hole myself up in my room with a book or my computer. I like to enjoy the silence. Or play a game or watch a movie on my own. To constantly be forced to be with someone all the time, especially someone so attention-seeking and selfish, would drive me insane. She should also not try to control your social life. Does she have a girls night out? Even if not, you still need time with your male buddies. Sometimes you just wanna hang out with friends without your significant other. I can understand that. And being jealous of your MOM? That's just pathetic. Nothing is wrong with a man having a good relationship with his mom. I think it's rather sweet. It is NOT different between mom and daughter. Parents and children being close and getting along in general is a happy thing. I feel for ya. I don't know what to tell you want to do. Have you tried talking to her and telling her how you feel, but in a gentle way?
i-like-tea Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 Sounds like she wants to be your new jailer. you are right haha
Lady vs Panda Posted September 22, 2010 Posted September 22, 2010 She does sound like she's over the top, but I'm a bit tempted to play devil's advocate here--at least to ask a few questions. On the occasions when she freaked out when you went out after work with a few buddies for beer, did you call her to let her know you weren't coming home for dinner, or was she sitting around expecting you? Has she ever told you that going to bed at the same time makes her feel more connected to you, or anything like that? Does she feel like she'd like to be cuddling or having sex with you, and you're rejecting that in order to smoke weed and play video games? Have you ever actually asked her any questions like these, or just reacted angrily and told her she was controlling? It would be interesting if the OP answered these questions.
luvstarved Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 It would be interesting if the OP answered these questions. Yes it would. I would also like to know if he is being entirely accurate in his description of the amount of time he spends gaming. Have seen multiple complaints about this on the board...I am not drawing conclusions, just wondering...
that girl Posted September 23, 2010 Posted September 23, 2010 She feels like we have to be together almost all of the time, day and night. I have almost no "me" time. I have to fight for the time I get, because she feels like any time I'm not working,I should be "spending time with my wife". This just made me think of this: The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love. ~~~Knocked Up I completely get why you would want alone time, but I think you're looking at it the wrong way. There is a difference between someone who wants to spend time with you and someone who wants to control you. Also: You're less than a year and a half out of jail and you're smoking weed 2-3 times a week? Do you want to end up back in jail?
Tiberius Posted September 28, 2010 Posted September 28, 2010 Hey, so I've never done anything like this before. Some background info on me: I did time in prison, 4 1/2 years to be exact. I was looking for a girlfriend online after I got out, and that's how we met. We got together less than 2 weeks after I was released, and we got married on our one year anniversary. We have now been married for 4 months, today. I feel like I am in hell. She feels like we have to be together almost all of the time, day and night. I have almost no "me" time. I have to fight for the time I get, because she feels like any time I'm not working,I should be "spending time with my wife". This means that I stay up late a few nights a week to game. Yes, I have been a gamer for years, it is how I grew up, and I enjoy it. I don't let it get in the way of my responsibilities, but she makes it seem like I'm a little kid cause I like it. She also does'nt like me to have friends, or go anywhere without her. The few times after work that I went out for a beer, I regretted it after wards. She hates my hobbies, friends, and music. I also enjoy smoking pot on occasion. She smokes VERY rarely, but that's about it. I maybe smoke 2-3 times a week. She hates that and won't even compromise on that. I'm not really a big drinker, so my way of relaxing is smoking a bowl and planing WoW. She drinks wine and watches tv. I'm not asking for a lot here, just, argh. SOME PEACE. She is the first Woman I have lived with. I am only 25, but I feel 50 because of her. IDK what to do HELP! If you cant have any time to yourself its bad. How often do you game? I like videogames too, but I limit myself at playing one game I really like right now and its only once or twice per week. If you have only time like twice a week after work for her, I can see her point. There needs to be some balance. I am assuming you have been fighting this from day one and she felt like there never was a honeymoon fase. Spend a lot of time with her for the next month. Then it will be easier to make time for yourself.
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