TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 (edited) I guess this post is mainly to vent... But from reading in the marraige & relationship forum, I see A LOT of posts about people that are not happy in their relationships. There's this post right now, about some guy that's been married for a lil over a year and has almost no sex - his wife isn't interested in it, etc. There's always a lot of threads about spouses that cheat on or mistreat the other spouse and that spouse still doesn't want to leave the relationship. I just want to say right now, that everyone has a right to their choices in life and how they deal with situations, so I'm not judging these people. I just get angry - Irrationally so (i guess) because I think "really? you're married to someone that does not care about your happiness, does not do anything to make you happy, mistreats you (in some cases), cheats on you (in some cases), and you don't have the guts to leave? Really? THESE are the people who get someone to stand by them, and give to them?" I know it makes me sound bitter, and I am (a bit), especially after my MM experience, but I just get this feeling of frustration at how completely unfair life can be - like how, a selfish, dismisive, bitch that wont put out for her husband, gets to have a guy that wants to make her happy meanwhile a nice, generous, successful, pretty girl that loves sex, only meets losers and douchbags that she wont settle for. I dunno....thanks for listening to my venting... I totally know that my anger is very irrational, but situations where one spouse is putting up with so much crap and wont leave, just to make their selfish, abusive, fridget partner happy - it just blows my mind! Edited September 19, 2010 by TigerCub
Star_Bright Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I get what you mean but I also think it is rare that a relationship is so unbalanced that one partner is so horrible and the other is nearly angelic. Sometimes there are just problems from both parties. I was in a relationship once where I blamed him for never wanting to have sex with me, never communicating with me, never being totally honest with me. But after I got out of it and looked back I realized, well, I wasn't into having sex with him either, I had communication and intimacy issues, I wasn't always totally honest with him, especially about the fact that I didn't want to be with him for much of our relationship! Plus we each had things we didn't like about each other, ex. I didn't think he was ambitious enough and he thought I wasn't content enough. So really we were just ill matched and the problem wasn't really one or the other of us. But if I had come on LS (I didn't at the time) and said, oh he never talks to me and he's not interested in sex with me, etc., then everyone would only have been looking at it from MY point of view. Often there are two sides to every story and he would have had just as many gripes. NOW, in the situations where someone knows they are being cheated on, or not treated right, or they are just unhappy and have done everything they can to work on the issue and nothing is changing, and they don't leave... I think that is more about co-dependency and insecurity and fear of change than love. I guess one can never say never but just like people say they would never cheat or never be the OW, I feel I can honesty say that I would never settle for a relationship in which I wasn't happy and wasn't being treated right. Hence my going NC with MM. And if he was my husband and I knew he was cheating on me like his wife does, I would leave, or kick him out is more like it, no ifs ands or buts. I don't know why people stay in relationships like that. I really don't.
bohogirl Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Generally, if the relationship was that bad the dissatisfied party would leave or find the help to do so. Things aren't that bad so they stay. People don't vent from a 360 degree perspective - it's a personal view. Would your opinion change if the man lacking sex had put on 100 pounds and never washed? I could understand why the wife would then be repulsed. Most people seeking sympathy put their best face forward. Furthermore, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors unless you have a spycam installed!
Author TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Thanks for your prespective SB. I totally get what you're saying - I do. And honestly I was never Judging the people that post here. But from a lot of the stories, where I get the impression that the wife cheated or doesn't have sex with her husband, or lies a lot, or whatever, and she gets chances and he just wants to find a way to put up with her - it just makes me angry, thnking, why do the bitchy ones actually get the devoted guys? I'm just venting too, I gues I feel I can honesty say that I would never settle for a relationship in which I wasn't happy and wasn't being treated right. Hence my going NC with MM. And if he was my husband and I knew he was cheating on me like his wife does, I would leave, or kick him out is more like it, no ifs ands or buts. I don't know why people stay in relationships like that. I really don't. I totally agree with that, and I have left a relationship where I really loved the guy, but I felt I wasn't being treated well and it was affecting my self esteem, so i chose to leave, and I did it and that was that. But we're not all alike.... anyways, thanks for the input and hearing my rant
Woggle Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Now you know how nice guys feel. It seems that the worse a man treats a woman the better she treats him.
Author TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Generally, if the relationship was that bad the dissatisfied party would leave or find the help to do so. Things aren't that bad so they stay. People don't vent from a 360 degree perspective - it's a personal view. Would your opinion change if the man lacking sex had put on 100 pounds and never washed? I could understand why the wife would then be repulsed. Most people seeking sympathy put their best face forward. Furthermore, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors unless you have a spycam installed! Thanks Bohogirl. I totally see what you're saying and I agree. I don't have the whole story or anything. But I'm sure that after my MM experience, that anger has gotten worse, just because I'm baffled that some people chose to stay where they are not happy, and (although this is only 1 side of the story - i admit), where their partner doesn't do things to make them happy - I just see it as such a waste, and find it really unfair - like how did these uncaring/selfish women get guys that are so devoted to them????!!! It is an irrational anger....I admit it But it really hits a nerve a lot more since my MM experience...
Author TigerCub Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Now you know how nice guys feel. It seems that the worse a man treats a woman the better she treats him. I totally see what you mean!!! I've had that same rants from some of my "nice" guy friends. Its just sooooooo unfair!!!! but not all women want the douchy jerks - I turn them down ALL the time, but unfortunately, I seem to be a magnet for them
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