MyShadow Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I am in a 16 year relationship and have been married for 12 of those years, Ours is a Lesbian Marrage and we have been through many ups and downs but one thing we have always been is faithfull to each other (as far as I know) however to keep it short... Now I have found out that my wife is speaking to Guys on the internet and has now developed a sexual online relationship with one, We are in the UK and this guy is in the USA so I know the chances of them actually ever meeting is slim but I have found "intimate" images of him and seen some of the e-mails involved, its all very sexual stuff and now she has admitted to sending some of her underwear to him as well which he has taken pictures of himself with and sent back to her. They are also "talking" over the phone on a regular basis. If she was just looking at porn on the web and all that, I wouldn't have a problem etc but this is beyond that, this is with a "Real" person not just a image (if that makes sence?) I have always known my partner was "Bi" in some ways but I really do not know how to cope with this and I am feeling so betrayed, angry, hurt and confused ect... We have discussed it but she has still carried on with it, I love her so much but I just don't know where to turn and this is killing me. I really do not know what to do or what to think of it all, am I over reacting? Is this really cheating? Should I just let her have this? How do I deal with this ??????????
witabix Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 That doesn't sound like a good situation for you. I don't think it makes any difference if it is a same sex marriage or not. You SO has done something that challenges your trust in them. Where did you leave the discussion? How forcefully did you put your viewpoint and feelings? Where you given any reasons/excuses why this is happening now after so long? As for the question 'Is this cheating?' I am not sure how helpful it is put a label on it, what is important is that you are unhappy with it. I doubt there are many partners that would be happy with such a turn of events. I wouldn't be.
Author MyShadow Posted September 24, 2010 Author Posted September 24, 2010 Thanks for the reply and I am sorry I didnt repost till now, I have just been to upset over the last few days... I made my feelings very clear that I am very Hurt, feel totally betrayed and that I just cannot share her in that way with anyone else (Female or Male). I haven't asked her to stop as this has to be her decision because I would prefer her to be totally honest about it all and where we stand. I have never been a demanding person, its just not me and until now I thought we could talk about literally anything, good or bad! She claims that she didn't want to hurt me but is in need of something that I (as a woman) cannot provide and that she has felt this way for a while, ok I can kind of understand that to a certain extent but it doesn 't make it right that all this has gone on behind my back. Now I just can't help but believe that if this guy was within reach she would have slept with him before now. How can I believe anything she is telling me? My trust in her has been shattered by this & now whenever she is on the phone or on the internet or even just out, I am right on a knifes edge ! I just do not know what to do!!
witabix Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 She claims that she didn't want to hurt me but is in need of something that I (as a woman) cannot provide and that she has felt this way for a while, ok I can kind of understand that to a certain extent but it doesn 't make it right that all this has gone on behind my back. Now I just can't help but believe that if this guy was within reach she would have slept with him before now. I just do not know what to do!! Her claim of not wishing to hurt you is a little belated now isn't it? That is what has happened. And your continuing fears and understandable paranoia about this other person is the legacy that such behaviour brings about. Your SO sounds a little unconnected from your needs in all this. What you do know? I suggest you try to get some perspective, how important is this person/relationship in your life? Is it really worth tearing yourself up over all this? Can you, or do you want to up and walk out? What do you personally have invested in this relationship in the light of what has happened. The comment about her wanting something that you, a woman, cannot give her sounds suspiciously like the phrases 'needing space', 'time to find myself' etc, all those phrases that really do have a sub text. It is a pity she won't come out with it and let you off the hook or belay your fears. Oh, and just because you knew she was bi that doesn't translate into unfaithful in my book. Maybe more talking...I hope you find some peace.
Maggotface Posted September 24, 2010 Posted September 24, 2010 If you cannot fulfill all her wants then this will not be the last time this happens. She give bisexual women a bad name, she does not need to be in a relationship if she cant control her urges.
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