If a WS cried wolf about the state of their marriage...

[bohogirl]

and after DDay is faced with a relationship with the BS that is far worse than WS imagined, would you be secretly pleased?

Edited September 19, 2010 by bohogirl

[Hazyhead]

Not in the slightest. I would only be saddened. To gain pleasure from somebody else's misery ain't my bag.

[pureinheart]

and after DDay is faced with a relationship with the BS that is far worse than WS imagined, would you be secretly pleased?

 

I didn't feel anything and didn't care, I just wanted their insanity away from me. I enjoy peace:)

[bohogirl]

I didn't feel anything and didn't care, I just wanted their insanity away from me. I enjoy peace:)

 

You are a good person.

[Fieldsofgold]

and after DDay is faced with a relationship with the BS that is far worse than WS imagined, would you be secretly pleased?

 

No.

 

BF/MM was married, had an OW of 10 years duration, alternated between living with each of them, and lied to me about it all - presented himself as single and free. I was devastated for a while after I learned the truth - that I had been the OOW to a MM. He was outed by teens in my neighborhood who, after conducting a "secret investigation," told not only me, but personally informed the W and OW, as well. I immediately dumped the man. But the W and OW, who have long known about each other, joined forces to be nasty to me, telling lies about me, making harassing phone calls, slinging racial slurs, you name it, if they thougt it would hurt me, they did it. The OW, who was especially devious and vicious, later told lies to the W to set her after me again. I guess it was beyond their comprehension that I didn't also want "their" man.

 

I did go through a phase - recently - where I felt pure disgust and loathing, contempt, rage, even a bit of hatred for MM. But I do not wish any ill to any of them.

 

I don't need to.

 

With their attitudes and actions, they will have enough grief of their own making.

Edited September 19, 2010 by Fieldsofgold

[bohogirl]

No.

 

BF/MM was married, had an OW of 10 years duration, alternated between living with each of them, and lied to me about it all - presented himself as single and free. I was devastated for a while after I learned the truth - that I had been the OOW to a MM. He was outed by teens in my neighborhood who, after conducting a "secret investigation," told not only me, but personally informed the W and OW, as well. I immediately dumped the man. But the W and OW, who have long known about each other, joined forces to be nasty to me, telling lies about me, making harassing phone calls, slinging racial slurs, you name it, if they thougt it would hurt me, they did it. The OW, who was especially devious and vicious, later told lies to the W to set her after me again. I guess it was beyond their comprehension that I didn't also want "their" man.

 

I did go through a phase - recently - where I felt pure disgust and loathing, contempt, rage, even a bit of hatred for MM. But I do not wish any ill to any of them.

 

I don't need to.

 

With their attitudes and actions, they will have enough grief of their own making.

 

That is such a horrible experience. You are one tough cookie. Stay strong.

[Woggle]

Yes I would. I used to not be a vindictive person but those who cause pain and grief to those who do not deserve it need to get a taste of what they dish out.

[pureinheart]

No.

 

BF/MM was married, had an OW of 10 years duration, alternated between living with each of them, and lied to me about it all - presented himself as single and free. I was devastated for a while after I learned the truth - that I had been the OOW to a MM. He was outed by teens in my neighborhood who, after conducting a "secret investigation," told not only me, but personally informed the W and OW, as well. I immediately dumped the man. But the W and OW, who have long known about each other, joined forces to be nasty to me, telling lies about me, making harassing phone calls, slinging racial slurs, you name it, if they thougt it would hurt me, they did it. The OW, who was especially devious and vicious, later told lies to the W to set her after me again. I guess it was beyond their comprehension that I didn't also want "their" man.

 

I did go through a phase - recently - where I felt pure disgust and loathing, contempt, rage, even a bit of hatred for MM. But I do not wish any ill to any of them.

 

I don't need to.

 

With their attitudes and actions, they will have enough grief of their own making.

 

That is such a horrible experience. You are one tough cookie. Stay strong.

 

Wow, FOG, I agree with BG bigtime. I had never heard your story and I was quite shocked and disgusted (right there with you). I'm very glad it's over for you and your working it out...that was cold blooded on his part...

 

Wow, those kids really had your best interests at heart:), I get along really well with teens, they are my favorite:)

[bohogirl]

Yes I would. I used to not be a vindictive person but those who cause pain and grief to those who do not deserve it need to get a taste of what they dish out.

 

It was more of the thought that some MM hook an OW based on how awful the marriage is (this could be factually true for some but not so much for others).

 

After the affair ends, if the marriage actually does become the hellish relationship he spun to get sympathy, I would see it as a comeuppance.

MM wished it on himself.

[SidLyon]

It was more of the thought that some MM hook an OW based on how awful the marriage is (this could be factually true for some but not so much for others).

 

 

It seems you are saying that your original post was based on the possibility that some MM hook in the OW by saying their marriage is bad.

 

Sounds pretty dreadful to me that some OW can be hooked in this way.

[bentnotbroken]

It seems you are saying that your original post was based on the possibility that some MM hook in the OW by saying their marriage is bad.

 

Sounds pretty dreadful to me that some OW can be hooked in this way.

 

 

True, so true.

[bohogirl]

It is also tragic that the MM deliberately chose to spend his energies pursuing/romancing/risking his marriage for one woman when he had another at home who would have loved the full on attention.

 

After DDAy he then treats his BS to the same lines that he had given another and she laps it up as proof that he is a "good boy" and won't cheat again.

 

Then he does and BS cannot believe this is happening again.

Edited September 20, 2010 by bohogirl

[Dexter Morgan]

Not in the slightest. I would only be saddened. To gain pleasure from somebody else's misery ain't my bag.

 

then this would definitely set you apart from most of the OW/OM here.

 

kudos.

[Silly_Girl]

It seems you are saying that your original post was based on the possibility that some MM hook in the OW by saying their marriage is bad.

 

Sounds pretty dreadful to me that some OW can be hooked in this way.

 

Just wondering, do you think OW would be more likely to enter a R with a married person if they said "things are fab at home, my wife and I have an absolute ball, we're madly in love and the sex is great...".

 

I don't think a crap M is what makes an OW interested in another person, it's that both parties maybe step over boundaries with a 'terrible marriage' as the backdrop.

[Spark1111]

It is also tragic that the MM deliberately chose to spend his energies pursuing/romancing/risking his marriage for one woman when he had another at home who would have loved the full on attention.

 

After DDAy he then treats his BS to the same lines that he had given another and she laps it up as proof that he is a "good boy" and won't cheat again.

 

Then he does and BS cannot believe this is happening again.

 

Well, I feel for the BS. Obviously, the MM has some issues he needs to deal with if he is a repeat offender. That tells me more than anything, that his affairs have little to do with the spouse OR the marriage.

 

Something is very broken inside of him.

 

The majority of repeat offenders have serious childhood abandonment and neglect issues that go unresolved. They need IC to sort it all out, if in fact, they ever do. Rare is the true sexual predator who does it solely for ego gratification: Those guys do not stay married long, usually.

 

But as for the sad-sack lines of how miserable they are in the marriage, all cheaters use that. Why? Because it is very persuasive to some women or men, obviously. I think it is in the cheater's script.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

 

I don't think a crap M is what makes an OW interested in another person, it's that both parties maybe step over boundaries with a 'terrible marriage' as the backdrop.

 

The "terrible marriage" gives the OW the opportunity to believe that he is likely to leave that marriage, and be with her.

 

I also think the ego strokes involved in being "the ONE" as contrasted to the harpy / boor at home are gratifying to many people who end up messing with married people. I'd guess that many of them would not want to get involved if the marriage and sex were reported as wonderful. I think they'd be insecure.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It is also tragic that the MM deliberately chose to spend his energies pursuing/romancing/risking his marriage for one woman when he had another at home who would have loved the full on attention.

 

After DDAy he then treats his BS to the same lines that he had given another and she laps it up as proof that he is a "good boy" and won't cheat again.

 

Then he does and BS cannot believe this is happening again.

 

How do you know?

[SidLyon]

Just wondering, do you think OW would be more likely to enter a R with a married person if they said "things are fab at home, my wife and I have an absolute ball, we're madly in love and the sex is great...".

 

I don't think a crap M is what makes an OW interested in another person, it's that both parties maybe step over boundaries with a 'terrible marriage' as the backdrop.

 

Of course I understand the MM is not going to emphasise the good things about his marriage. I hadn't really understood before that the bad marriage itself was the hook (as the OP suggests) for some OW, rather than just the backdrop.

[Silly_Girl]

Of course I understand the MM is not going to emphasise the good things about his marriage. I hadn't really understood before that the bad marriage itself was the hook (as the OP suggests) for some OW, rather than just the backdrop.

 

Oh I see. Yeah, I don't think it is, SL.

 

To OW: "why do you love this man?"

OW: "er.... Because he's miserable in his marriage and his wife treats him like sh.it"

To OW: "he's quite a catch then. Congrats".

 

[SidLyon]

Oh I see. Yeah, I don't think it is, SL.

 

To OW: "why do you love this man?"

OW: "er.... Because he's miserable in his marriage and his wife treats him like sh.it"

To OW: "he's quite a catch then. Congrats".

 

 

Ha ha - it seems it might be true for the OP and some OW she's come across.

[wheelwright]

Oh I see. Yeah, I don't think it is, SL.

 

To OW: "why do you love this man?"

OW: "er.... Because he's miserable in his marriage and his wife treats him like sh.it"

To OW: "he's quite a catch then. Congrats".

 

 

However sad/pathetic the song I am listening to at the time, some posts make me laugh!

[lilbunny]

MM never once said he had a bad marriage or that things were terrible at home, quite the opposite in fact.

 

I am pretty furious with some of the things he has done of late, but I don't want him to be unhappy, I love him. I don't wish that on his W either.

[wheelwright]

and after DDay is faced with a relationship with the BS that is far worse than WS imagined, would you be secretly pleased?

 

Are you a Troll? I cannot imagine an xOW who was interested in this shortly after the end of the A. But hey, I'm new to all sorts.

 

Initially, I had a perverse hope that the A had catapaulted he and his W into a better M. Call me sick.

 

Then I just wished he would contact me, so I knew one way or another.

 

Then I listened to songs that told me he and I should be together, even though he chose his W.

 

Then I thought about what a sad f*** I had become.

 

And after that, I thought for a nonosecond about wishing his BS ill, and then I prayed (even though I am not religious) because I did not want to feel that. Because I do not want to live my life wishing anyone ill.

 

And I am glad that I am just sad, and not evil.

 

That's as good as it gets these days.

 

There is no good ever to be had in feeling happy at another's hurt. Um. Full stop.

[KarmasTestDummy]

and after DDay is faced with a relationship with the BS that is far worse than WS imagined, would you be secretly pleased?

 

On the other side of the table, I remember being secretly pleased that the woman my H left me for was far worse than me. He now beats her instead of me...and frequently used to throw me in her face about how I would have never done this or that to him. It's spiteful I know...and I'm past it now, but I wonder how I would feel in that situation. I remember going back to him once after I knew about the A and they had broken up. She was livid he came crawling back. I think it drove her to beg him back again despite the fact she knew he was hitting me again and that I regretted it the moment i did it. All the same I think she probably took some satisfaction in knowing I took him back and he was no different.

[KarmasTestDummy]

It seems you are saying that your original post was based on the possibility that some MM hook in the OW by saying their marriage is bad.

 

Sounds pretty dreadful to me that some OW can be hooked in this way.

 

I think many ow go into an a because they are told how dreadful the m is. I wouldn't have if I thought she was wonderful person and they were going to live happily ever after. I doubt most OW have deliberate intentions of being a homewrecker, but they are easily fooled by a man who has told him how awful things are and how much different and happy he feels when he's with her. It's a ploy to make her feel special.