efg6tm3 Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 I am really leaning toward therapy but have my hesitations. i went through 12+ years of counseling with a therapist who only tried to solve the small problems at hand and not the larger issue. he in my opinion dragged this out for years. instead of trying to stop a war, he tried to stop battles. my lawyer in the begining tried to get us away from court and referred us to him as a cheaper alternative. cheaper in the short run but not in the long run (economically and mentally). i sometimes think he did this to keep us on his payroll and he was too scared of litigation against himself if by some chance he would piss-off either one of us too much. he couldn't make larger decisions and decided to flip a coin. that was the last straw. well i hope marriage counslers are better or at least i get one that may actually care. any thoughts or experiences?
Fooser Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 If you love your spouse, then try councelling. It may be hard to work through issues at the beginning, but that's why you go. I personally feel that all options should be exercised to help save a marriage before the paper work gets filed.
You Go Girl Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Counselors are in the business of making money, like any profession. Always be aware of this. They need repeat business. You were obviously taken for quite a ride--12 years? Why in the world didn't you smack yourself after the first 2 and say to yourself--this is going nowhere fast? Unless you are wealthy or have terrific insurance and just love having an ear around forever to listen to you. There's always that crowd--I call them the Woody Allen crowd. Both get what they want--the counselor the money, the Woody Allen crowd gets to focus on ME ME ME while somebody else sits bored to death in a chair but needs the bucks. So try a counselor. If they shuffle papers everytime you visit and appear to have to review your case just to remember who you are from week to week, then they aren't thinking of you at all inbetween sessions. That's where the tricky part is! You need to interview and know that a counselor is actually working on your case when you're not sitting in front of them. Why not try counseling? If one stinks, ditch them and try another. Point being, do you have anything to lose by trying except a few bucks? Don't you have far more to gain? And get some marriage self-help books and read them together. This is, afterall, all about communication. You can probably achieve more progress by doing that.
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