Ladies who have been dumped by a man..why I feel like i am not worth fighting for?

[TearsofHope]

Ladies, I don't know about you all... but I find it very hard to cope with the fact that a MAN left me. A man that we women look for in feeling safe and protected. The man who does the proposing in marriage, the man who is supposed to be head over heels of the female. So, because the man left me.. I feel like I am not womanly enough. That he doesn't see me as the woman he wants to have children with or the woman that he wants to wine and dine and make me feel special. I feel less important, unappreciative, somewhat unattractive which is hurting my self esteem. My ex boyfriend will go off to find that one true love for him, but why don't I feel like I will be lucky enough to find the man for me? B/c I feel like my self esteem when he broke up with me took a blow in my womanhood. I'm not worth fighting for FOR him to want our relationship. But he would go and FIGHT for another girl to date or be with or call his "wife". I feel like shyt that he can just walk away like I am "tough" when I am highly sensitive and very emotional and want a man to be there for me to cry on his chest in the middle of the night. But I guess I am not that "special" of a woman for HIM . I feel like its almost degrading for a man to walk away from the woman. The woman he is supposed to confide in having his children, taking care of him and the family, to cook and clean.. I feel like a piece of shyt b/c he left me around 2 months ago!

 

Please, I need some encouraging advice.. Ladies, reading thru the LS forum, it seems like there is more MEN who are on this site getting dumped by their ex girlfriends than women. I am starting to believe that most men don't walk away from their girlfriends.. maybe its the women that walk away from the Men. So, does that mean I am one of the pathetic worthless woman that he no longer wanted? I am having a emotionally hard time handling with the fact that a MAN walked away from me *the female*

[flow15]

"I feel less important, unappreciative, somewhat unattractive which is hurting my self esteem. My ex boyfriend will go off to find that one true love for him, but why don't I feel like I will be lucky enough to find the man for me? B/c I feel like my self esteem when he broke up with me took a blow in my womanhood. I'm not worth fighting for FOR him to want our relationship. But he would go and FIGHT for another girl to date or be with or call his "wife". "

 

I know exactly how you feel. Don't worry you are not the only one.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me and I feel worthless, I fought for him but he didn't care. Yet he was the one who always used to say I was special and amazing. He was the first one to say 'I love you'. If I was so special then he wouldn't have ended it and he would have fought for me.

 

It makes me feel like s***. I feel like asking, 'what is wrong with me?' 'why am I not good enough for you?'... or 'why am iInot good enough for you anymore?'

My ex left me 3 weeks ago and I haven't gone for one minute these past 3 weeks without him on my mind, whereas he doesn't seem to care at all. He doesn't seem to care that I'm out of my life, he doesn't seem to care we don't talk, so really I could never have been that special.

 

Sorry if this won't help you, but I just want you to know you are not the only one who feels like this.

I know everyone else here will say that there is someone else out there for us who will see our worth and value and who won't take us for granted, and who will think we are worth fighting for.

[Oxo]

I don't know if this is encouraging as such, but the fact is he left you which means you aren't meant to be together. What else this

means is that there is a great chance that there are other men out there that are better suited to you.

 

My relationship is on the rocks quite badly at the moment and I'm feeling very insecure as a result (especially because I'm still carrying some "loved up" weight lol) but you have to try and step out of the situation. Your femininity and all the core things that make you a woman are still there. You were a great woman before him, and you still are now

 

And in the future I'm sure there will be a wonderful man who sees the awesome specimen of woman you are. But you have to believe it yourself first.

 

Chin up beautiful

[Don Ho]

Tears, I'm sorry you're in this position and going through this anguish. Men do leave women. I left my Ex after two years. She was totally insecure and because of that fought with me all the time and I couldn't take it anymore. She took it just like you did. I think you have to understand that your self worth comes from in YOU, not from a man. She had that same problem; always looking for outside validation from a man. I couldn't, as no man could, give her what she needed, only she could do that. You need to work on yourself, fix your past and base your self worth on YOU. Good luck!!

[Don Ho]

Just remember: you are worthy.

[Oxo]

Tears, I'm sorry you're in this position and going through this anguish. Men do leave women. I left my Ex after two years. She was totally insecure and because of that fought with me all the time and I couldn't take it anymore. She took it just like you did. I think you have to understand that your self worth comes from in YOU, not from a man. She had that same problem; always looking for outside validation from a man. I couldn't, as no man could, give her what she needed, only she could do that. You need to work on yourself, fix your past and base your self worth on YOU. Good luck!!

 

That is such fantastic advice DonHo! It's helped me too

[Don Ho]

BTW, you know what happened? My Ex did all of the things to work on herself that she would not do when she was with me. She started going to church, didn't date for six months, worked on her self-esteem, worked on her issues she had with her Dad that made her feel worthless, started reading the Bible, quit drinking and taking Vicadin and Xanax. She still talks to our mutual GF and she says my Ex sounds, looks and acts totally different and is doing well, that she's like a different person. Get it? Fix yourself. A man cannot do it for you.

[flow15]

BTW, you know what happened? My Ex did all of the things to work on herself that she would not do when she was with me. She started going to church, didn't date for six months, worked on her self-esteem, worked on her issues she had with her Dad that made her feel worthless, started reading the Bible, quit drinking and taking Vicadin and Xanax. She still talks to our mutual GF and she says my Ex sounds, looks and acts totally different and is doing well, that she's like a different person. Get it? Fix yourself. A man cannot do it for you.

 

But did you want her back after she made all those changes?

[Woggle]

Sometimes things just don't work out.

[Quest]

So, because the man left me.. I feel like I am not womanly enough. That he doesn't see me as the woman he wants to have children with or the woman that he wants to wine and dine and make me feel special. I feel less important, unappreciative, somewhat unattractive which is hurting my self esteem. My ex boyfriend will go off to find that one true love for him, but why don't I feel like I will be lucky enough to find the man for me? B/c I feel like my self esteem when he broke up with me took a blow in my womanhood. I'm not worth fighting for FOR him to want our relationship. But he would go and FIGHT for another girl to date or be with or call his "wife". I feel like shyt that he can just walk away like I am "tough" when I am highly sensitive and very emotional and want a man to be there for me to cry on his chest in the middle of the night. But I guess I am not that "special" of a woman for HIM . I feel like its almost degrading for a man to walk away from the woman. The woman he is supposed to confide in having his children, taking care of him and the family, to cook and clean.. I feel like a piece of shyt b/c he left me around 2 months ago!

 

Please, I need some encouraging advice.. Ladies, reading thru the LS forum, it seems like there is more MEN who are on this site getting dumped by their ex girlfriends than women. I am starting to believe that most men don't walk away from their girlfriends.. maybe its the women that walk away from the Men. So, does that mean I am one of the pathetic worthless woman that he no longer wanted? I am having a emotionally hard time handling with the fact that a MAN walked away from me *the female*

 

As other posters have said, it's all about self esteem. If you value yourself the last thing you want to do is be with someone who doesn't appreciate you. You believe you deserve someone who treats you properly and won't stick around for long with someone who doesn't.

 

It's tough when someone starts out doing all the chasing and giving you lots of love and attention and then cools off but the best thing for you is to walk away at that point, no matter how tough it is. If you don't that's when your self esteem really takes a beating - it's impossible to feel good about yourself when you stick with someone who 'just isn't that into you'.

 

On the other hand if you can be strong enough to get out you'll do so with your dignity and whatever self esteem you had fairly well intact. It'll also make you feel better about yourself in the long run.

 

I've learnt this the hard way ... but what a difference coming away from a relationship feeling you're not going to take any old *rap than letting someone blow hot and cold, pleading for attention and generally feeling worse and worse about yourself.

[Livelovelearn]

I dont have any advice but I will say that that is how i feel as well. He was my first love, he taught me everything and i respected him so much. No one could ever replace him but i know i must go on. You are a wonderful woman, there were things about you he loved, you are worthy of love but unfortunately something went wrong in your relationship which seems have created some self esteem issues. I know thats what happened with me and i feel like i need to start loving myself again before i wonder why he stopped loving me. Dont worry hun, you arent alone, the feeling is more common than you probably think. Just stay strong.

[Don Ho]

But did you want her back after she made all those changes?

 

Nope. As the song goes, "the damage is done". She was changing, and still is, and she met her new BF. She's a nice woman, but not the woman for me. Plus I know darn well her old behavior and insecurities would have returned and we would have started fighting again and she would have drove me crazy. Don't hold on to hope Flow that if you change, you will get your Ex back. Just change for you. There will be another great guy, there always is.

[stillafool]

Tears, I'm sorry you're in this position and going through this anguish. Men do leave women. I left my Ex after two years. She was totally insecure and because of that fought with me all the time and I couldn't take it anymore. She took it just like you did. I think you have to understand that your self worth comes from in YOU, not from a man. She had that same problem; always looking for outside validation from a man. I couldn't, as no man could, give her what she needed, only she could do that. You need to work on yourself, fix your past and base your self worth on YOU. Good luck!!

 

 

OP this is the best advice. Lots of times women look to men for validation when you must look within. Don't let anyone man or woman make you feel insecure. There is only one person like you and that is you. I know it's hard, but when you get stronger wish him well to yourself, forgive him and you will meet the right man.

[TearsofHope]

I just want to thank you all for the comments, advice/opinions.. greatly appreciated!

 

It's just funny how during the relationship of 5 years, I was NOT a ounce of insecure, however, my ex had so many insecurity issues and problems..it was not even funny. It was so sad. And now that he broke up with me, I'm the one feeling this way. The weird thing is my ex told me that I am too nice, not clingy at all, too helpful, deserve a medal for being such a good woman to him. HOWEVER, I guess he doesn't want that?

 

See what I mean by its very confusing. He got me thinking I am miss perfect, yet, not good enough for him and HIM being "THE MAN" walks away from the female? Go figure as to why I feel so less valued! I guess b/c I was the one who got dumped. Maybe it would of not been a problem if I was the one to break up with him. I probably would not even be on this website ..but comes to show you that despite of anything..

 

i'm taking life day by day. Hope I can meet someone who will want to value me and be with me than my confused ass ex! I am glad we no longer r talking .. Starting all over again with NC for 2 days now.

[Woggle]

Why is it so strange for a man to dump a woman? Not all of us are blubbering wimps who can't get by without a woman.

[Pyro]

Why is it so strange for a man to dump a woman? Not all of us are blubbering wimps who can't get by without a woman.

 

had it been a man starting this thread you would be crying about the wife being a walk away wife.

 

Being a hypocrite only gives you less credibility.

[Woggle]

had it been a man starting this thread you would be crying about the wife being a walk away wife.

 

Being a hypocrite only gives you less credibility.

 

Why are you in every single thread picking apart what I say?

[Pyro]

Why are you in every single thread picking apart what I say?

 

and why do you ignore posts that prove you wrong?

[Woggle]

I am sorry for what happened to you but he is one guy and in no way is this a reflection of you as a woman. He had his reasons whatever they were but don't take this as a judgement on your worth.

[Woggle]

and why do you ignore posts that prove you wrong?

 

How do I do that?

[Don Ho]

Yes, IF you had broken up with him you probably wouldn't feel this way. So it's really your EGO that is bruised. Maybe for your next BF you should contemplate that you were too nice. Maybe your Ex lost interest because you were too accommodating and not much of a challenge. Maybe. Or possibly he's just fcked up! Just something you might want to consider next time. Don't be so hard on yourself. Men do leave women. I don't know why you take it so personally. Come on Sista, stop the pity party and start moving on with your life!

[Sweet_Tea]

See what I mean by its very confusing. He got me thinking I am miss perfect, yet, not good enough for him and HIM being "THE MAN" walks away from the female? Go figure as to why I feel so less valued! I guess b/c I was the one who got dumped. Maybe it would of not been a problem if I was the one to break up with him.

 

 

I'm in the same boat. I think that's a part of why i'm still confused sometimes.

 

He tells me how amazing I am and that I'm a wonderful person with the biggest heart etc and cannot say anything bad about me yet he didn't fight for me. It doesn't make any sense especially when he fell head over heels for me early on in the relationship. maybe they don't realise how hurtful it actually is when they say these things...

 

I don't know what to say... except that it just wasn't meant to be and you have to learn to accept that. I feel a lot better once I accepted that we just weren't right for each other. So look deeper beneath all that crap and once you accept it... it gets a lot easier. I thought I would never accept it, especially the reasons he gave me, but I found my own reasons and slowly, day by day, it gets that tiny bit easier...

[Trovador]

Yep, I've had my fair sharing of "dumpification" without wondering one single time if I shouldn´t do it because I am a male walking away from the female...

 

Maybe on this forum there appear more male dumpees than females but I think in real life (ha ha) the ratio must be similar... but in the end what has that to do with anything? Men and women stop loving alike, break ups are no prerrogative of either gender, as it is feeling like **** because of that...