schmopio Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Long story short - bad drawn out on/off relationship ending with cheating/lies. he got caught and did a whole weird lie/show thing that involved sneaking out of his fire escape. he begged and pleaded for forgiveness, even though my world was shattered, i just cant tolerate cheating and lies, so i ended with nc one year ago. I want to figure out how to let go of anger over this/ also how to let him stop controlling my feelings. I can't figure out how to let go. I have done everything possible to remain no contact. I even avoid going to places i know he would be fond of. The problem is i found him cheating b/c he left a password on my computer once of his secondary email account. Last night I ran into him after a year at a bar with his new girlfriend. I sort of hid in the corner. One reason it was more rough than I expected because this new girl isnt new, its who is old friend who is very thin and very pretty who used to try to tell him we were no good for eachother. (he would tell me b/c he would defend us and say he loved me etc) they looked so happy together and she so much more beautiful than i - it was a huge blow to myself esteem. Sort of freaked out and logged int the email account which i found him cheating..(which i never do) to find that he started with her the week after we broke up, has already had 3 mini break ups with her and he if still getting erotic messages from girls that are not her. Irrationally so, I want her to know he is ****ty, but i get why she is with him, i secretly want to foward these emails to her, but would never. wish i could forget that password. Also when i saw him I still felt so attracted and subconsiously attracted to him. I miss so many things about him, I havent found anyone to spent that many hours with, week after week, have pure fun/connectedness. but here i am after a year of trying to move on and connect with myself, I am being a loser angry stalker while they are probably out having a great time..watching him be "cute and all that. I am the one who suffers and cant control it on my own, Why can't i just be indifferent? what does it take?? also, why do i still feel love? and why does my self-esteem have to suffer. I sort of wish they both disappeared, so i would never have to run into them again.
Don Ho Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 Sista! WTH are you thinking? He's a cheater and a liar. You know damn well he will do the same thing to her. No, it's not your place to warn or tell her. You will just look like a nut. That was a bad relationship for you. Maybe you should buy a couple of these books on Amazon, like "Obsessive Love. Here's the link: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=obsessive+love&x=0&y=0
Fouts Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 You're alone, he's not and you're beating yourself up. Do things to make you feel better about yourself. What makes you feel unattractive? Get to the gym (no one can keep you from getting a killer body), dress sexier, do your hair different, be more flirtatious with guys you find attractive. Change things up. If you feel this way after a year, something isn't working very well.
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