efg6tm3 Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 hello. iam a dude. right to the point. good points first. wife handles most of money, all insurance stuff, good looking. . now to the real stuff. wife is lazy selfish inconsiderate slob. not just messy but almost unhealthy unhygenic. her parents strongly agree. too many examples and stories. also compulsive buyer and hoarder. can't stand it. feel very unappreciated. more interested in work and internet. i am only around to do her bidding. dated 2 years. married almost 5 w/4 yr old. been sexless for almost 2 yrs (CANT TAKE IT!). before that sex rare. tried it all. being nice, ignoring, letting houswork go, being mean, positive reenforcement, neg reenforcement, etc... i also have 16 yr old daughter from prev relationship. they get along okay 7 out of 10 maybe? 10 being BFF. bought, remodeled my parents home, split into legal duplex. parents live on right. us on left. seperate everything. did this because live in best school district, cul de sac in established hood, flat parcel, daughter kinda grew up here, close to town/work. living next to parents isnt much of an issue. parents help out a lot, but she takes advantage of it all. she really has no qualms about me other than i bug her too much. tried talking but says she doesnt have time in a negative tone. doesn't talk to me but argues. we only fight all the time now. 4 yr old precious boy is paying the price. daughter too hates it. i want out but really want marriage to work. she can really have it all. i don't care. house is in trust under my name so she can't get that. really can't afford divorce now. even moving out is a hard option because rent here is ridiculous! trying to save for daughter college. mos def i will try to see a counsler but hesitant because been there done that and i don't trust their motives. . any advice questions thoughts? i can answer more specifically. thank you for your noseyness.
crazycatlady Posted September 18, 2010 Posted September 18, 2010 hello. iam a dude. right to the point. good points first. wife handles most of money, all insurance stuff, good looking. . now to the real stuff. wife is lazy selfish inconsiderate slob. not just messy but almost unhealthy unhygenic. her parents strongly agree. too many examples and stories. also compulsive buyer and hoarder. can't stand it. feel very unappreciated. more interested in work and internet. i am only around to do her bidding. dated 2 years. married almost 5 w/4 yr old. been sexless for almost 2 yrs (CANT TAKE IT!). before that sex rare. tried it all. being nice, ignoring, letting houswork go, being mean, positive reenforcement, neg reenforcement, etc... i also have 16 yr old daughter from prev relationship. they get along okay 7 out of 10 maybe? 10 being BFF. bought, remodeled my parents home, split into legal duplex. parents live on right. us on left. seperate everything. did this because live in best school district, cul de sac in established hood, flat parcel, daughter kinda grew up here, close to town/work. living next to parents isnt much of an issue. parents help out a lot, but she takes advantage of it all. she really has no qualms about me other than i bug her too much. tried talking but says she doesnt have time in a negative tone. doesn't talk to me but argues. we only fight all the time now. 4 yr old precious boy is paying the price. daughter too hates it. i want out but really want marriage to work. she can really have it all. i don't care. house is in trust under my name so she can't get that. really can't afford divorce now. even moving out is a hard option because rent here is ridiculous! trying to save for daughter college. mos def i will try to see a counsler but hesitant because been there done that and i don't trust their motives. . any advice questions thoughts? i can answer more specifically. thank you for your noseyness. Could your wife be suffering from depression? The lack of personal hygene is what makes me ask. Also...what, if anything, are you getting from this marriage? Do you share a bed with your wife. I shudder at the idea of sharing a be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves. That has to be unappealing. So is there something keeping you married?
Author efg6tm3 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 thanks for the reply we have not slept in the same bed for the same amount of time we have not had sex. about 2 years. she sleeps with our son (bad habit) since she didn't want to sacrafice a few weeks or days living through his crying until he could eventually sleep by himself. when i mean hygene i guess i mean things are left dirty. dirty clothes left anywhere. son's toothbrush when she rarely brushes his teeth is left all over the house cuz she is too lazy to put it back. makeup brushes and stuff all over the bathroom, leaves dirty dishes on dinning table and doesn't take it to sink. leaves food stuff open and leaves open food containers out, etc....she cleans herself just that she also leaves things to attract roaches and god forbid rodents! sorry for the confusion
Author efg6tm3 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 (edited) what is keeping me married is like i said in my OP. funds are not that readily available for a divorce or for me to move out. i also need to watch over my 16 yr old daughter. i guess like most of us, getting a divorce now will throw the kids and my finances into a world of crap so i am trying my hardest to "suck it up" Edited September 19, 2010 by efg6tm3
crazycatlady Posted September 19, 2010 Posted September 19, 2010 Your use of the word hygene made me think it was personal and not just a slob. Maybe someone else would have some advice....personally I'm not a huge believer in making due when I'm that unhappy. Life is too short. College funds while nice, isn't worth being that unhappy. And once your daughter is through college you will have the next child to worry about and get through. Sometimes....its better to be a little selfish, then miserible. JMO.
Author efg6tm3 Posted September 19, 2010 Author Posted September 19, 2010 Your use of the word hygene made me think it was personal and not just a slob. Maybe someone else would have some advice....personally I'm not a huge believer in making due when I'm that unhappy. Life is too short. College funds while nice, isn't worth being that unhappy. And once your daughter is through college you will have the next child to worry about and get through. Sometimes....its better to be a little selfish, then miserible. JMO. I fully agree about being a little selfish. If i am happy then others around me are happy. i tend to judge people and their actions not by just the action alone, but the INTENTION of the actions. All of my wife's intentions are selfish and self-centered. my 4 yr old wanted to play with toothpics at the restaurant tonight and he has a habit of unconciously putting things in his mouth and stuff. Seeing the toothpicks (tp) as dangerous I adamantly tried to tell my wife and son "no" to the tp but as a 4 yr old they can act pretty spoiled. Since my wife is so self-centered and lazy she just rather not deal with his small tantrums and gives him the tp. Again i take them away and i get yelled at and made to look like the bad guy. My INTENTIONS are to keep something potentially very dangerous away from a 4 yr old that likes to put things in his mouth. Her INTENTIONS is to eat her cake in piece without hearing a 4 yr old nag and cry. I also want to mention she gets so wrapped up in her own world that she many times does not pay attention to others around her. this is why she is named in a lawsuit against her and her company. NEGLIGENCE. Just dont want my son in the ER with a toothpick stuck in his throat. IS THAT SO WRONG??
laRubiaBonita Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 are you unable to clean? are you unable to explain to a 4 year old that what they are doing is dangerous? you complain about some of this stuff that you could very well do- apparently she is not, and you seem to think whatever it is that needs to be done is her duty. so step up an lead by example. have you tried that yet?
Author efg6tm3 Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 hey fella, HELL YES I CLEAN! THE HOUSE THE YARD THE GARAGE TAKE CARE OF THE CARS LAUDRY KITCHEN FRIDGE COOK. WTF YOU THINK I AM BITCHING ABOUT? YOU GOT KIDS? YOU THINK A 4 YR OLD IS RATIONAL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS DANGEROUS AND WHAT IS NOT? OF COURSE I TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT ALL. WTF? IT WOULD HELP IF THE SPOUSE IS ON MY SIDE AND WE GO IN THIS TOGETHER! I AM NOT A PASSIVE PROCRASINATOR WHO TAKES IT ALL AND DOES EVERYTHING AND SAYS NOTHING. WHY DO YOU THINK I AM IN THIS MESS? I COULD DO IT ALL AND SAY NOTHING THEN I WOULDN'T BE ON THESE FORUMS NOW WOULD I?
Author efg6tm3 Posted September 20, 2010 Author Posted September 20, 2010 are you unable to clean? Are you unable to explain to a 4 year old that what they are doing is dangerous? You complain about some of this stuff that you could very well do- apparently she is not, and you seem to think whatever it is that needs to be done is her duty. So step up an lead by example. Have you tried that yet? i clean it all and do it all. I am the only one stepping up to the plate. This is how it has always been! It is not her "duty". It should be shared and if one don't help out around the house then there is other things she can do to make up for it. Her taking care of some of the finances is not an everyday occurance in this household. Hell i came home from a grueling 8 hr law enforcement day and to save money on the home renovation did installing hardwar, painting, pulling off carpet, removing wallpaper, numerous trips to home depot, etc....and i still had to give the kid a bath, cook dinner, taxi the older one to and fro, and do general cleaning all so she could watch tv at her part time night school job, then have the nerve to say she don't want to help clean on sunday because she needs to rest! Then when i ask or try for sex she tells me she is tired and to stop bothering her. I try maybe 1x per week. Like that is going to kill her! And you don't seem to think i discipline my kids? I don't know where in my posts you seem to get the impression that i don't do crap and try to lay it all on my spouse
laRubiaBonita Posted September 20, 2010 Posted September 20, 2010 calm yourself- i was only asking...... you didn't say in your OP, so i was asking for clarification- not accusation. so you pretty much want to get divorced?
Yo quiero Taco Bell Posted September 21, 2010 Posted September 21, 2010 first, get yersilf a 7-layer burrito cuz yer hungry. eggstra hot sauce. second, WTF is this weird situation yer describing? Tell yur wife she stinks and buy her a razor third, is this marriage 2 coming to an end? maybe need to ask yerself what yer doin to keep pickin winnerz.... or maybe it's something about u that's made your wife stink.
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